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I won the slow-roll !!!

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I won the slow-roll !!!

Old 07-28-22, 06:23 PM
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I won the slow-roll !!!

My city is having a "cyclefest" kicked off with a 9-mile "slow roll". The organizers, mayor and a few other stiffs gave speeches before it began while we were in front of some news cameras. My "kit was a "free Palestine" shirt, which I wrote "Free Assange" on the back with a Sharpie marker, cuttoff jeans, sneakers and of course I was riding the Huffy "bluegrass" Scout.

City police were to escort the hundred riders give or take on the route, helping with stopping traffic at some big intersections. The ride did not start until 6pm though, and I had ridden to the event and wanted to get home before the shadows got too long for safety's sake, so shortly after the start I bolted ahead pulling my usual 52/19 gear, passed the police escort and the rest of the riders, and ran through the red-light and traffic at the first major intersection. I don't know if it was some of the ride organizers or police that were yelling at me as I made it through the intersection, but they had stopped and I forged ahead and left them behind. I had looked at the route map earlier in the day on the event website, it went out then looped back to the start, then continued to the other side of town in another loop before the ride finished back at it's starting point in the town square. I finished the first loop in a matter of minutes, stopped at the town square and looked at the route map again, then took off and hammered out the West loop as fast as I could, stopping only to have a man refill my water bottle with his garden hose while we had some nice conversation.

As I got back to town square and the starting point, I pumped my fist in the air, yelled that I was the winner and demanded to know where the news cameras and my trophy was, nobody seemed to know, but a few of them did congratulate me. I had an ice-cream cone, told the organizers I had to leave before the cops got back, then took off and rode home as fast as I could.
So chalk up another big win for the 1973 Huffy Bluegrass. !!! There are five more riding events as part of this "cyclefest" so stay tuned for more information on future victories.
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Old 07-28-22, 07:06 PM
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Congratulations. It seems you are the victor.
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Old 07-28-22, 08:08 PM
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Originally Posted by Broctoon
Congratulations. It seems you are the victor.
99% of a victory is announcing it first and as loudly as possible. Most people are afraid to counter this type of behaviour, and if you can act a little drunk or crazy during the process it more than doubles the effectiveness, if you actually are drunk and/or crazy then you can never fail.
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Old 07-28-22, 08:15 PM
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If you can poop enough for it to fall on to the ground while all articles of clothing are on, it'll be a hot victory!
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Old 07-28-22, 09:31 PM
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you ride 52x19? Are you fixed? What kind of ratio is that on a road bike you've got to be cross chaining.
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Old 07-28-22, 09:59 PM
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That's just the small crank to big cog ratio.
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Old 07-29-22, 04:13 AM
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And then your alarm clock went off?
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Old 07-29-22, 05:07 AM
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Originally Posted by beng1
As I got back to town square and the starting point, I pumped my fist in the air, yelled that I was the winner and demanded to know where the news cameras and my trophy was, nobody seemed to know, but a few of them did congratulate me.
I hope next time you get the crouching ovation you deserve.
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Old 07-29-22, 05:32 AM
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Originally Posted by beng1
My city is having a "cyclefest" kicked off with a 9-mile "slow roll". The organizers, mayor and a few other stiffs gave speeches before it began while we were in front of some news cameras. My "kit was a "free Palestine" shirt, which I wrote "Free Assange" on the back with a Sharpie marker, cuttoff jeans, sneakers and of course I was riding the Huffy "bluegrass" Scout.

City police were to escort the hundred riders give or take on the route, helping with stopping traffic at some big intersections. The ride did not start until 6pm though, and I had ridden to the event and wanted to get home before the shadows got too long for safety's sake, so shortly after the start I bolted ahead pulling my usual 52/19 gear, passed the police escort and the rest of the riders, and ran through the red-light and traffic at the first major intersection. I don't know if it was some of the ride organizers or police that were yelling at me as I made it through the intersection, but they had stopped and I forged ahead and left them behind. I had looked at the route map earlier in the day on the event website, it went out then looped back to the start, then continued to the other side of town in another loop before the ride finished back at it's starting point in the town square. I finished the first loop in a matter of minutes, stopped at the town square and looked at the route map again, then took off and hammered out the West loop as fast as I could, stopping only to have a man refill my water bottle with his garden hose while we had some nice conversation.

As I got back to town square and the starting point, I pumped my fist in the air, yelled that I was the winner and demanded to know where the news cameras and my trophy was, nobody seemed to know, but a few of them did congratulate me. I had an ice-cream cone, told the organizers I had to leave before the cops got back, then took off and rode home as fast as I could.
So chalk up another big win for the 1973 Huffy Bluegrass. !!! There are five more riding events as part of this "cyclefest" so stay tuned for more information on future victories.
is that you, standing behind the newscaster (on her right, screen left)?



looks like you won a hotly contested, knock down drag out, fiercely fought "race"!




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Old 07-29-22, 05:41 AM
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Cool story, bro'.
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Old 07-29-22, 06:22 AM
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I'm eating a single cinnamon roll this morning slowly to savor the flavor. Is that the same as what the OP did?
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Old 07-29-22, 06:43 AM
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Originally Posted by hazetguy
is that you, standing behind the newscaster (on her right, screen left)?

https://youtube.com/watch?v=c0cCE8HELQw


looks like you won a hotly contested, knock down drag out, fiercely fought race!

https://youtube.com/watch?v=2v5dZSB8LU8


I don't see "Free Assange" on the back of that shirt. Did our hero lie? I feel so cheated.
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Old 07-29-22, 06:48 AM
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BF never fails to deliver.
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Old 07-29-22, 09:53 AM
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Originally Posted by beng1
99% of a victory is announcing it first and as loudly as possible. Most people are...
... humoring you and hoping to exit your vicinity as soon as possible.
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Old 07-29-22, 09:56 AM
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The guy was on TV! We are in the presence of an actual celebrity.

Helmetless and no bike pants. Larry would be proud.
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Old 07-29-22, 10:05 AM
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I would PAY to see a race between Larry and Beng. We could call it the Troll Tournament.
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Old 07-29-22, 10:18 AM
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Originally Posted by Jack Tone
I would PAY to see a race between Larry and Beng. We could call it the Troll Tournament.
Only if they start on foot, have to salvage a bicycle to ride, perform dumpster hurdles, chug questionable hooch, and have to solicit aid from strangers in the event of a mechanical.
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Old 07-29-22, 10:22 AM
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My money is on Larry. He has youth on his side, he's sometimes clever, and he's loveable in his own weird way.
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Old 07-29-22, 10:35 AM
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Originally Posted by WhyFi
Only if they start on foot, have to salvage a bicycle to ride, perform dumpster hurdles, chug questionable hooch, and have to solicit aid from strangers in the event of a mechanical.
Bike racing Le Mans style.
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Old 07-29-22, 10:40 AM
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Originally Posted by beng1
My city is having a "cyclefest" kicked off with a 9-mile "slow roll". The organizers, mayor and a few other stiffs gave speeches before it began while we were in front of some news cameras. My "kit was a "free Palestine" shirt, which I wrote "Free Assange" on the back with a Sharpie marker, cuttoff jeans, sneakers and of course I was riding the Huffy "bluegrass" Scout.

City police were to escort the hundred riders give or take on the route, helping with stopping traffic at some big intersections. The ride did not start until 6pm though, and I had ridden to the event and wanted to get home before the shadows got too long for safety's sake, so shortly after the start I bolted ahead pulling my usual 52/19 gear, passed the police escort and the rest of the riders, and ran through the red-light and traffic at the first major intersection. I don't know if it was some of the ride organizers or police that were yelling at me as I made it through the intersection, but they had stopped and I forged ahead and left them behind. I had looked at the route map earlier in the day on the event website, it went out then looped back to the start, then continued to the other side of town in another loop before the ride finished back at it's starting point in the town square. I finished the first loop in a matter of minutes, stopped at the town square and looked at the route map again, then took off and hammered out the West loop as fast as I could, stopping only to have a man refill my water bottle with his garden hose while we had some nice conversation.

As I got back to town square and the starting point, I pumped my fist in the air, yelled that I was the winner and demanded to know where the news cameras and my trophy was, nobody seemed to know, but a few of them did congratulate me. I had an ice-cream cone, told the organizers I had to leave before the cops got back, then took off and rode home as fast as I could.
So chalk up another big win for the 1973 Huffy Bluegrass. !!! There are five more riding events as part of this "cyclefest" so stay tuned for more information on future victories.
we really need to address the mental health crisis in this country.....
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Old 07-29-22, 11:06 AM
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Originally Posted by WhyFi
Only if they start on foot, have to salvage a bicycle to ride, perform dumpster hurdles, chug questionable hooch, and have to solicit aid from strangers in the event of a mechanical.
and ride shirtless.
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Old 07-29-22, 11:12 AM
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Originally Posted by indyfabz
And then your alarm clock went off?

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Old 07-29-22, 12:18 PM
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Originally Posted by Reflector Guy
Heh. Was on TV again just last night. Saw that scene.
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Old 07-29-22, 01:38 PM
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You mean the troll-roll?
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Old 07-29-22, 02:44 PM
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I won a strider crit once. It was supposed to be for kids, but the rules didn't specifically state adults couldn't enter. I destroyed all those little punks!!!
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