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Road Cycling It is by riding a bicycle that you learn the contours of a country best, since you have to sweat up the hills and coast down them. Thus you remember them as they actually are, while in a motor car only a high hill impresses you, and you have no such accurate remembrance of country you have driven through as you gain by riding a bicycle. -- Ernest Hemingway

Cycling lingo

Old 01-05-06, 11:40 PM
  #1  
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Cycling lingo

Found this on another website and had to repost it here for everone.

Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret trainers around. They'll say anything to soften you up for the kill. Don't let this happen to you. Study this handy rider's phrasebook to find out what they really mean when they say:

"I'm out of shape"
Translation: I ride 400 miles a week and haven't missed a day since the Ford administration. I replace my 11-tooth cog more often than you wash your shorts. My body fat percentage is lower than your mortgage rate.

"I'm not into competition. I'm just riding to stay in shape"
Translation: I will attack until you collapse in the gutter, babbling and whimpering. I will win the line sprint if I have to force you into oncoming traffic. I will crest this hill first if I have to grab your seat post, and spray energy drink in your eyes.

"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.

"It's not that hilly"
Translation: This climb lasts longer than a presidential campaign. Be careful on the steep sections or you'll fall over -- backward. You have a 39x23 low gear? Here's the name of my knee surgeon.

"You're doing great, honey"
Translation: Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.

"This is a no-drop ride"
Translation: I'll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.

"It's not that far"
Translation: Bring your passport
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Old 01-06-06, 12:45 AM
  #2  
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Originally Posted by Extort
"You're doing great, honey"
Translation: Yo, lard ass, I'd like to get home before midnight. This is what you get for spending the winter decorating and eating chocolate. I shoulda married that cute Cat 1 racer when I had the chance.
My mistake was reading these aloud to my wife without reading ahead first
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Old 01-06-06, 04:16 AM
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Originally Posted by umd
My mistake was reading these aloud to my wife without reading ahead first
LOL!!! This thread can turn into a doozy!!
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Old 01-06-06, 05:26 AM
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I've seen that before, it's pretty funny.
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Old 01-06-06, 05:54 AM
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Add :

''I haven't ridden much this year cuz I don't have much time''
Translation : I eat breakfast on my trainer, commute to work, do intervals during lunch hour, take off early to do a climb before nightfall, do a recovery spin on the trainer before sleep then dream about riding the whole night. I'm a bike messenger btw.
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Old 01-06-06, 07:06 AM
  #6  
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Originally Posted by Extort
"I'm on my beater bike"
Translation: I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using titanium blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.
I love it!
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Old 01-06-06, 08:29 AM
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Originally Posted by plin
Add :

''I haven't ridden much this year cuz I don't have much time''
Translation : I eat breakfast on my trainer, commute to work, do intervals during lunch hour, take off early to do a climb before nightfall, do a recovery spin on the trainer before sleep then dream about riding the whole night. I'm a bike messenger btw.

that's great!
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Old 01-06-06, 08:29 AM
  #8  
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I've been sick a lot lately.

I haven't been eating right.

I've been working a lot of hours.

I lifted weights yesterday. I can hardly walk today.
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Old 01-06-06, 09:30 AM
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those are great!! LOL!!
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Old 01-06-06, 10:20 AM
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"Don't worry, from this point on, it's downhill all the way"
Translation: Prepare to die. You ain't seen no nothin' yet.

"Don't worry, I'll bring some food"
Chew that 0.1mm slice of Powerbar well, it's the last molecules you'll ingest in a long while. Might as well get a taste for the lawn.
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Old 01-07-06, 04:03 AM
  #11  
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"It is just a short out and back with a little hill in the middle."
This grueling 137 mile ride climbs over two mountain passes that will be covered in fresh powder. After that we will dip down into the desert on a 65mph descent before the journey home.
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Old 01-07-06, 04:29 AM
  #12  
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add this:
"The wind is your friend"
Translation: a 4 gear headwind.
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Old 01-07-06, 10:40 AM
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"This is simply a group ride, not a race."
Translation: First one back gets to wear the yellow jersey next week! Last one buys everybody lunch.

"Everybody dresses comfortably for this ride."
Translation: Everyone will be in team kit for this ride. Except you.

"Everyone rides at their own pace."
Translation: If you fall off the back, the next time we'll see you is next week.

"Mind if I sit on your wheel this week?"
Translation: Last night my flatmates and I stayed up way too late, had way too much to drink, and now I'm still nursing a hangover and am in no position to pull.
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Old 01-07-06, 11:04 AM
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"You've gotten much stronger since the last time we rode together."

Translation - I'm about prove to you that I'm still a much stronger rider than you. Prepare for a speed increase of 3 mph for the rest of the way. Don't hit your frame when you vommit.
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Old 01-07-06, 11:53 AM
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Husband to Wife: "Honey, I'm going for a 3 hour ride today."
Wife to Husband: "OK, Have Fun! Me and the kids will be fine."
Translation: "OK, I'll put up with the kids and clean while you are gone having fun, but when you get back, there will be hell to pay."

Last edited by reneuend; 01-07-06 at 12:07 PM.
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Old 01-07-06, 12:08 PM
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This is the first funny thread of the year! No.4 made me laugh a lot.
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Old 01-07-06, 12:13 PM
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Originally Posted by djninjamusic
"This is simply a group ride, not a race."
Translation: First one back gets to wear the yellow jersey next week! Last one buys everybody lunch.

"Everybody dresses comfortably for this ride."
Translation: Everyone will be in team kit for this ride. Except you.

"Everyone rides at their own pace."
Translation: If you fall off the back, the next time we'll see you is next week.

"Mind if I sit on your wheel this week?"
Translation: Last night my flatmates and I stayed up way too late, had way too much to drink, and now I'm still nursing a hangover and am in no position to pull.
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