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Dealling with my wifes concerns

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Dealling with my wifes concerns

Old 10-13-09, 05:41 PM
  #51  
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Originally Posted by Mash Master View Post
Lately there have been so many stories of cyclist deaths that my wife has been getting more and more concerned. How have you explained to your wife that riding is safe when the right precautions are taken?
Have her spend a night at a busy trauma center that gets a lot of traffic accidents and she'll be begging you to leave the car at home and take the bike.
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Old 10-13-09, 05:42 PM
  #52  
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I agree. It's not safe. But it's better than watching old T.V. reruns and growing a butt.
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Old 10-13-09, 05:46 PM
  #53  
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Originally Posted by bigtea View Post

Get some opinions from cyclists who have been in an accident involving a car or truck before you take as gospel the words of the lucky ones in denial.
I am recovering from a very serious accident -- I was hit by a pickup truck whose driver who ran a red light.

My opinion is that if you looked at the motor vehicle accident statistics and really thought about it, you'd be inclined to give up driving.
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Old 10-13-09, 06:03 PM
  #54  
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I explain to her that most cycling deaths are people that usually were doing something wrong. For example its pretty common to hear about someone struck by a car in the middle of the night crossing a road with heavy traffic. Usually the victim had no lights or helmet.
The amount of hard core cyclist that die on the roads is actually pretty low, I think. Even here the reports of a cycling death are only like a monthly occasion. Having said this, I dont believe its safe only because we are obviously vulnerable to any motor vehicle. I still believe my chances of living longer from having a healthy lifestyle outweigh the risk.
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Old 10-13-09, 06:22 PM
  #55  
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This thread just reminded me to take advantage of a gift certificate I got at a local race and ordered myself a RoadID. Won't prevent me from getting crunched by a latte-sipping, makeup-applying, blackberry-texting SUV pilot, but it will help first responders get my information when they arrive.
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Old 10-13-09, 06:45 PM
  #56  
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Ha! Racing and riding bikes is the safest thing I do! I also race cars and motorcycles. Now I only race cars and bicycles. She has nothing to say, plus I have wicked calf muscles.
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Old 10-13-09, 06:55 PM
  #57  
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Originally Posted by BMWdoc View Post
I explain to her that most cycling deaths are people that usually were doing something wrong. For example its pretty common to hear about someone struck by a car in the middle of the night crossing a road with heavy traffic. Usually the victim had no lights or helmet.
The amount of hard core cyclist that die on the roads is actually pretty low, I think. Even here the reports of a cycling death are only like a monthly occasion. Having said this, I don't believe its safe only because we are obviously vulnerable to any motor vehicle. I still believe my chances of living longer from having a healthy lifestyle outweigh the risk.
I know of a number of my cycling buddies that have been hit by cars through no fault of their own or they hit something on the road and went down hard with broken bones. Typically we don't die we just have a constellation of injuries. In my case I was struck from behind by elderly woman fussing with two dogs in the cabin going 55 mph. I spent three weeks in the hospital with a broken back, broken tail-bone, broken leg in in two places with a compound fracture, opened pelvis, on and on. I was blessed to live. I landed on my head and shoulder on the gravel shoulder. My helmet was totaled. This happened on July 5. Total cost to date over $200,000. I am still not back to work. Dead cyclists generally make the news. Badly injured cyclists like me don't make it to the newspapers. Go to a triathlon and watch the para-athletes in their souped up wheelchairs. The vast majority of those poor folks are badly injured cyclists. I have enjoyed cycling immensely and look forward to going back to it. I will be doing this with what appears to be long term back issues. Unless I have my foot reconstructed, I will no longer be able to run. I am 3/4" shorter than I was I badly compressed my T12 vertebra and my spine. I am classified as uninsurable and I can no longer buy more life and disability insurance. I would encourage any cyclist to max out their un-insured and under-insured coverage on their auto insurance for a nominal amount of money and get an umbrella policy on their homeowners insurance that covers un-insured and under-insured motorists. Cycling is awesome, but one needs to recognize the risk that goes with it.
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Old 10-13-09, 07:13 PM
  #58  
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Originally Posted by bigtea View Post
Yet another silly, unsubstantiated claim...

Get some opinions from cyclists who have been in an accident involving a car or truck before you take as gospel the words of the lucky ones in denial.
Unsubstantiated? Not at all. I'm not making that up; that's a well-substantiated statistical claim. No, there are not separate stats for roadies. So? Roadies are a pretty small subset of all bicyclists, and while we may be at somewhat greater risk overall due to considerably greater exposure to risk (in terms of time), our risk per time/mile is probably lower on average. Certainly the risk of being involved in an accident with a car or truck is probably lower than average for a moderately experienced road cyclist.

And the opinion of anyone who has been involved in an accident doesn't mean jack squat. The plural of anecdote is not data.
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Old 10-13-09, 07:16 PM
  #59  
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Originally Posted by grolby View Post
The plural of anecdote is not data.
Although I don't give a crap about the argument you two are having, I'm filing that phrase away for later use as a teacher!
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Old 10-13-09, 07:20 PM
  #60  
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Originally Posted by grolby View Post
Unsubstantiated? Not at all. I'm not making that up; that's a well-substantiated statistical claim. No, there are not separate stats for roadies. So? Roadies are a pretty small subset of all bicyclists, and while we may be at somewhat greater risk overall due to considerably greater exposure to risk (in terms of time), our risk per time/mile is probably lower on average. Certainly the risk of being involved in an accident with a car or truck is probably lower than average for a moderately experienced road cyclist.

And the opinion of anyone who has been involved in an accident doesn't mean jack squat. The plural of anecdote is not data.
Screw that, man... We're here to get the OPs wife to give him permission to ride. Use the tens of thousands of car fatalities every year and put it next to the double-digit numbers of roadies who die every year. Never mind that whole per-thousand-person-miles stuff, because that just won't help!

I'm all for good statistics but we just need to keep the OP riding, so a little fuzzy math is OK.
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Old 10-13-09, 07:22 PM
  #61  
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Originally Posted by urbanknight View Post
Although I don't give a crap about the argument you two are having, I'm filing that phrase away for later use as a teacher!
Seriously. That one goes in the sig.
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Old 10-13-09, 07:31 PM
  #62  
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Originally Posted by DrPete View Post
Screw that, man... We're here to get the OPs wife to give him permission to ride. Use the tens of thousands of car fatalities every year and put it next to the double-digit numbers of roadies who die every year. Never mind that whole per-thousand-person-miles stuff, because that just won't help!

I'm all for good statistics but we just need to keep the OP riding, so a little fuzzy math is OK.

Give him permission? Seriously?


The only cure for people who worry too much is to inform them that they are not allowed to worry about you. They are not allowed to focus on all the things that could possibly have gone wrong. Instead they are to focus on all possible explanations that might apply. Only when the plausible explanations start to run out are they then allowed to worry.

And to help them overcome their negativity problem, you adopt an irregular, unpredictable schedule where except for actual commitments (ie Dinner reservations at 8), you are more likely to be unaccounted for than accounted for. Only because you love them and are going to do whatever it takes to help them get better.

Last edited by nycphotography; 10-13-09 at 07:37 PM.
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Old 10-13-09, 07:52 PM
  #63  
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Originally Posted by SendMoreChris View Post
Sure, but then you'll WANT to start skydiving and base jumping. It fixes the cycling problem though.
I already want to start wingsuit base jumping.
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Old 10-13-09, 08:12 PM
  #64  
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Originally Posted by nycphotography View Post
Give him permission? Seriously?


The only cure for people who worry too much is to inform them that they are not allowed to worry about you. They are not allowed to focus on all the things that could possibly have gone wrong. Instead they are to focus on all possible explanations that might apply. Only when the plausible explanations start to run out are they then allowed to worry.

And to help them overcome their negativity problem, you adopt an irregular, unpredictable schedule where except for actual commitments (ie Dinner reservations at 8), you are more likely to be unaccounted for than accounted for. Only because you love them and are going to do whatever it takes to help them get better.
It was a joke. Relax.
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Old 10-13-09, 08:14 PM
  #65  
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it's pretty bad and not safe at all in a big city. So train in the early morning hours with a good group and be home before the rush hour starts, get in your car and drive to work.

Too many nuts on the road to be honest and going home is usually a lot worse than the morning on the way in, It's late getting dark and folks just want to get home. Forget riding on the same roads with folks sending text messages and driving with a phone stuck to one ear.

get out early, do some solid good training and head home, during summer do a race or two in the evenings after work or even start riding and doing training on a velodrome.

but, I guess I am lucky as I drive to work and get the kids after school 3 days a week so it means I just can't be tempted to commute. As much as I love the idea of cycling to work everyday and enjoying my self, where I live and work it just does not happen. I did live in other countries and cities in the past that have been much better for cycling to work and all erands, actually I spent a few years of car ownership making about 2-3k miles per year on the car and most of it was touring.

I've been racing and riding bikes since high school and I think it's in to my 23rd year, Wife and I met about 11 years ago, she got into it and since having kids she doesn't ride much anymore with a bunch or during the week, she will run most mornings and ride with me here and there. I can't convince her it's safe as she knows what it's like. I respect her not wanting her kids to have no mother and she does not bug me about training I do.

I hope the OP lives somewhere nice and is able to cycle without to much to worry about, also be glad your wife really is worried about you.
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Old 10-13-09, 08:33 PM
  #66  
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Originally Posted by woodduck View Post
it's pretty bad and not safe at all in a big city. So train in the early morning hours with a good group and be home before the rush hour starts, get in your car and drive to work.

Too many nuts on the road to be honest and going home is usually a lot worse than the morning on the way in, It's late getting dark and folks just want to get home. Forget riding on the same roads with folks sending text messages and driving with a phone stuck to one ear.

get out early, do some solid good training and head home, during summer do a race or two in the evenings after work or even start riding and doing training on a velodrome.

but, I guess I am lucky as I drive to work and get the kids after school 3 days a week so it means I just can't be tempted to commute. As much as I love the idea of cycling to work everyday and enjoying my self, where I live and work it just does not happen. I did live in other countries and cities in the past that have been much better for cycling to work and all erands, actually I spent a few years of car ownership making about 2-3k miles per year on the car and most of it was touring.

I've been racing and riding bikes since high school and I think it's in to my 23rd year, Wife and I met about 11 years ago, she got into it and since having kids she doesn't ride much anymore with a bunch or during the week, she will run most mornings and ride with me here and there. I can't convince her it's safe as she knows what it's like. I respect her not wanting her kids to have no mother and she does not bug me about training I do.

I hope the OP lives somewhere nice and is able to cycle without to much to worry about, also be glad your wife really is worried about you.
I live in a nice area that is on the edge of Austin, I ride primarily on country roads and low traffic areas except for when I commute to work which is a bit more trafficy.

Pharding, that is very good insight from someone who has been on the other side. I am always extra careful, stop at lights and stop signs, but that doesn't guarantee anything. Hopefully more won't happen to freak her out more.
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Old 10-13-09, 08:34 PM
  #67  
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I do bike trails. I mostly worry about squirrels.
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Old 10-13-09, 08:37 PM
  #68  
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she's a woman... we have a bunch of guys trying to determine her logic

Anyone see something wrong with this picture?
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Old 10-13-09, 08:42 PM
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Originally Posted by Mash Master View Post
I live in a nice area that is on the edge of Austin, I ride primarily on country roads and low traffic areas except for when I commute to work which is a bit more trafficy.
I guess you mean Austin texas? I have been there but only for a break. Great area (bit hot for me in summer) and I'd be happy to ride there almost anywhere and anytime.

and yes, before kids my wife went from not ever really cycling to commuting in city traffic and hour each way within about 6 months. I hated it, even now riding with her is stressful. She had been riding on the back of motorcycles etc all her life but for some reason has hardly any road craft sense.

I usually do 3 mornings a week, out the door at 5am and back by 7-7.30am (except Saturday which is home around 11am) and 2 nights a week, either indoors, at the velodrome or a crit on a closed track. It's enough time on the bike for an average punter.
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Old 10-13-09, 09:17 PM
  #70  
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Originally Posted by DrPete View Post
It was a joke. Relax.
Guess I was too simple to catch the sarcasm. ha.
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Old 10-13-09, 10:23 PM
  #71  
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Originally Posted by merlinextraligh View Post
I already posted the data.

Fatalities per Million Exposure Hours
Skydiving 128.71 Snowmobiling .88
General Flying 15.58 Motoring .47
Motorcycling 8.80 Water skiing .28
Scuba Diving 1.98 Bicycling .26
Living 1.53 Airline Flying .15
Swimming 1.07 Hunting .08
Data compiled by Failure Analysis Associates, Inc.

Admittedly, my source is a little old, but with the increase in Cycling participation since 1992, and the overall drop in highway fatalities (mostly related to better DUI enforcement) the numbers have likely gotten better.

And by the way, factoring little Johnnie distorts the risk upward because kids tend to get killed doing stupid stuff like darting off sidewalks into roads.

by the way, swimming has a higher death rate per hour of participation.
Cycling is not safe, meaning it is not without risk, as your stats demonstrate. Thanks for making my point. Also, I may take up motorcycling once again some day, when the kids are grown...
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Old 10-14-09, 03:53 AM
  #72  
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Originally Posted by nycphotography View Post
Guess I was too simple to catch the sarcasm. ha.
Having it actually be funny probably would've made it easier for you to spot.
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Old 10-14-09, 05:17 AM
  #73  
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I really, sincerely, feel sorry for those who think cycling is dangerous. It isn't.
Too bad the same can't be said about people.
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Old 10-14-09, 07:03 AM
  #74  
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The problem is that her perception of the risk/return is different from yours. You need to either change her perception of the risk or the return a little, or one of them a lot. Which one depends on her. Is she typically moved to change by negative consequences or the possibility of gain?

If she's motivated by the negative, change her perception of the risk by getting her out on a bike, watching you navigate dicey traffic, tell her when you're going out to practice your skills or share with her your thoughts on the best new helmet or light to buy.

If she's motivated by gains in life, tell her about the impact of aerobic exercise on people of your ethnicity, age, etc. Regardless of which ones you are, statistically you have an overwhelming likelihood of dying of heart disease or cancer. Aerobic exercise lowers the risk of both. Also tell her repeatedly what you like about it.
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Old 10-14-09, 07:08 AM
  #75  
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Originally Posted by TVS_SS View Post
she's a woman... we have a bunch of guys trying to determine her logic

Anyone see something wrong with this picture?



OP - Statistics won't help your wife feel better about your riding, because statistics don't apply directly to YOU. Her emotions do. Showing her a big insurance policy probably won't help much either.

What will help, is talking to her about her concerns, understanding them so she doesnt' feel like you're just blowing them off, then discussing what you can do to mitigate what she perceives are risky. Maybe she's worried about certain roads, or maybe certain times of day. Maybe she's worried about you going too fast down certain hills (hehe...I got this one after showing my wife my speedo top speed of 50mph one day. I promised not to go so fast down THAT hill). The point is, she doesn't give a crap about statistics. She will care that you want to validate her feelings (rather than argue whether they are right or wrong), and discuss how you personally can make your riding safer (or at least make her perception that it's safer).

I get the same thing from my wife, even though she does many of the same activities I do. We just do them differently. Whitewater kayaking is dangerous? OK, so I'll only paddle Class II-III, and IV with the right group. Night mountain biking is dangerous? Ok, I"ll go slow(er), and tell you my route and I won't vary from that so if I don't come back you can find me. Riding during rush hour is dangerous? OK, I"ll ride during a different time, or if I have to ride during rush hour I'll take Route XYZ because these are secondary roads and have less traffic, I'll wear bright colored clothes and use lights.

Statistics don't mitigate her perception of risk.

Last edited by billyymc; 10-14-09 at 07:25 AM.
 

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