^^^ This.

I think the most important thing to remember is to not get all gung-ho and starting pedaling as hard as you can once it's your turn in the front. There's a group I ride with where there's one or two guys where once they get in the front all of a sudden they're going 5mph faster and when I'm riding behind him I'm going 100% just to keep on his wheel... and once he pulls off to the side I'm too BLASTED to do any pulling.

The paceline usually ends up broken apart at that point. What you want to do is keep a constant pace. Keep in mind that because you're pulling now you do have to push a bit harder, but you shouldn't be suddenly going from 60% effort to balls to the walls.

This can be a double edged sword. Right now I'm struggling with any sort of group ride. Years of riding/training/racing with the same riders, then getting a little removed from the sport combined with moving to a new area. I'm so used to everything either being non-verbal or just follow the leader that it's often tough to get comfortable in a bigger group with a lot of calls, ect. Struggle with giving riders enough room, my comfort zone is close. I still enjoy the ride but sometimes feel just as odd man out as an inexperienced rider would.

Just agree to let that guy roll off the front. After a couple of times he should get the message.

I went through the same thing when I moved here. Taiwanese like to say "That's how we do it in Taiwan" as if that excuses ignorant or foolish behaviour. At that time there were very few riders here with international experience so they could live in their bubble and justify as kinds of silliness. Not having a mentor culture made this even worse as the loudest newb often dictated practices.

As the sport grew here and more riders raced abroad they brought back more of the international norms and, at the elite level, things normalized quite a bit. Jumping into a new group of riders here can still be quite an experience, though as very little trickles down. There are exceptions, of course, but I ALWAYS hang back a bit and leave extra room to avoid stupidity until I can suss out the group.

People asked for an update after I tried a group ride, and here goes:

I went today, and I had a lot of fun. I also got dropped, but oh well. The ride is very fast, apparently has become one of the fastest in the Chicago area. There are two women who are on the Columbian national team. (Why are they here? I don't know.) I showed up, and there were a few other first timers, but most people (maybe 20) were regulars, and good. Once we got out of town, we were averaging maybe 24.

The ride was not a pace line, although there was certainly drafting. I have to not have a wreck (promise to my significant other; I had a wreck with a car 1.5 years ago), so I just decided to be the last one in line. Some places in the ride (was 59 miles total), people just started going fast. Sometimes I hung on, but others if I didn't accelerate really quickly, I lost them until the next stop or flat. Also, if you are drafting someone and they are not hanging on, then you don't either. I suppose maybe next time I'll try something else. But I have no regrets. People were nice and I feel like I'm learning stuff. Two guys who also got dropped rode back home with me. Nice guys and former bike couriers.

So thanks for all the encouragement and advice. Riding with others is fun, and I'll incorporate that into my cycling life.