vesteroid

Not sure how to say this and have it do e off as positive as I mean it. Great job going to the doc and getting the mess revisited, bit p,ease don't forget it's only you who can make a serious change.


Several years ago, I drank too much, and acted like I did. Once I saw how my behavior was effecting my family I corrected it.

You can do the same...seems you have seen the Light as well.

Bethany

Get whatever meds you are on adjusted right. Don't stop taking them even if you feel great. If they aren't working, try another med. You aren't weak if you ask for help. The hardest part is doing what will help make you a better person. I'm bipolar and w/o the meds I'd probably killed myself a long time ago. Well..that's what got me diagnosed. Depression sucks. Same with mania, but you have more fun until reality sets in. Obviously you can't be taking out your anger with a knife. My husband and I have an agreement that if I get mad that I just need to walk outside for a break and come back when I feel better. It's too easy to watch the walls close in on you when you're upset and turn into the incredible hulk scaring your family to death.

Once I've blown off steam after a couple of miles, I come back in and it's all good. Depression means everyone in your family is impacted one way or another and having a plan for an easy exit in my case with no questions asked or any accusations has saved my sanity. Get help and keep up on your meds. If you need some marriage counseling, get that as well.

Truthfully; I miss the manic episodes, but my family is more important. Having a "family plan" for my health has made a huge difference as well.

BikinPotter

We so often compare our insides to the outsides of other people. I often think if you're not depressed or enraged, you're not paying attention. I was fortunate, because I was willing to admit I needed help, to stumble upon a decent therapist who recognized that in addtion to being depressed, I have ADD. I have the attention span of a gnat and my short term memory? Fahgettaboutit. But, there are lots of tools available for both conditions. it got better.

Now I'm dealing with T2 diabetes, as well. Ive adopted a low carb diet which has brought my numbers down significantly. The reason your doc didnt want to take you off metformin is because many people are not able to control diabetes on their own. Its not lack of willpower, its that the wrong food makes craving almost impossible to resist. You can stop craving. Check out marksdailyapple.com.

Really, your recovery is up to you. Good for you to vent in a place where lots of folks with lots of issues are trying to do better and be healthier. You're not alone. Not by a long shot.

Artkansas 

Till you can get beyond this, can I suggest that you find somewhere to go and vent this? My favorite answer has been to throw rocks at a stream. I would do it until my arm hurt. The exercise tires me and cuts the edge and trying to aim the rocks breaks the angry train of thought. The stream provides a target where nothing gets hurt. They also tend to be places where I get a little privacy and solitude so I can unwind.

Hurtling glasses, stabbing knives, kicked dogs, one day the hurt is going to rebound on you. And it could affect your life for years to come.

May I also suggest the books of Eckhart Tolle, and taking up meditation to find your center in the cyclone of anger.

Tom Stormcrowe

Weak people and cowards refuse to face their issues. You are neither of these. Keep at it, and will chime in with the rest to do what you need to to get right. I would suggest a good clinical psychologist or clinical psychiatrist as well, in addition to what you've done thus far, but it looks like you're headed toward that step as well.......OUTSTANDING!

flattie

I'm going to echo another posters comments about watching your carb intake. I have held steady around 265 to 275 for about 5 years since I quit smoking - prior to quitting I was 240lbs. Oh 6'2 in height.

Anyway - after seeing my friend drop almost 80 lbs on the atkins diet and keep most of it off 2 years later - I started looking into "low carb" diets. I stumbled across the Paleo "diet" and in turn something called Primal. I'm 2/3rds of the way through the book (Mark Sisson "Primal Living") and he makes a very, very compelling case for why we should be very carb aware and to be particularly leery of grain based carbs. Instead he advocates that you get your carbs through vegetables (and to a much lesser extent fruits) but to also get the bulk of your daily calories through protein. He discusses at length the effect processed carbs has on your body (the whole insulin/glucose roller coaster) and it made sense to me.

I'm 2 weeks into adopting this eating style. I've lost maybe 3 lbs but the real story is that cutting out the bad carbs my energy levels have gone up, I don't crash and begin craving more food after eating and I can actually skip a meal without wanting to hurt someone. Today I "slipped" and had a bagel with chicken salad for lunch. Within 30 minutes I felt bloated and almost anxious- an hour later I was "thinking" I should get something to eat.

Not saying this is the end all - be all but so far adopting a high protein/high fat low bad carb lifestyle is reaping dividends for me. I hope it continues.

Do a search - you'll find his blog - read some of the success stories - in particular there was/is an older gentleman in his 60's struggling with obesity and diabetes that adopted this lifestyle and has gotten off of most if not all of his meds. It was stories like that, that moved me to buy the book and devour the content on his blog.

A plus is that eating a high fat diet leads to a condition called satiety - ie: feeling full. Of course you can eat too much on any diet/lifestyle - just seems harder to do with this one.

Suffered from anxiety - so far no instances since going "primal". I truly believe that the insulin/glucose roller coaster that comes with eating a bad carb diet is behind a lot of the anxiety I was experiencing.

It sounds like you have acknowledged the need to change things up. That's often the hardest part. Good luck with whatever path you choose.