Joe Minton

Isn't life complicated!

I'm a "Fat Bastard" (although once, when I referred to myself as a bastard, my mother informed me (with a conditional smile) that she was married to my father for a year-and-a-half before I was born. I never called myself a bastard after that.

I've hung around with military folk who almost continuously chide one another with these mock insults. It seems to be the 'manly' way of saying, "I love you, respect you and am glad you're here".

Ain't life complicated! -- & fun too!

To the OP,inpd:
Consider the source. Consider the context. It is very, very likely that he/she meant "Fat Bastard" as a sign of respect and support. We "Fat Bastards" are tougher than our friends who are still eating potato chips while watching NCIS re-runs. We have to work harder to stay-up; I am reasonably confident the leader of your group understands this. We are 'out-there' making a difference to and in our lives. Give him/her some slack, you Fat Bastard --- LOL

Joe

Jarrett2

It's already been said. Really depends on the context.

I have friends that make fat jokes towards me and its funny. I rib them back. I know its all in good fun.

If I pass someone I know on a hill, I'll often say, "come on, don't let the fat guy beat you up the hill" just to lighten the mood and motivate them.

Strangers saying it in a belittling way... not so much. I've ridden with guys who are tiny and are good cyclists. I'd never say something negative about their diminutive stature and I hope they would return the favor. If not, they better be fast on that bike

indyfabz

I couldn't say that. My biological mother was an unwed 16 Y.O. when she got pregnant with me and an unwed 17 Y.O. when she gave birth to me.

Not that you suggested otherwise, but I am not ashamed of it one bit as I had nothing to do with her becoming pregnant. Then again, unless you knew his parents were not married your comment seems to imply that being a bastard is something to be ashamed of.

Rowan

If the OP felt strongly enough about it, he could have opted to not participate in the ride, or withdraw from it. He can also vote with his bike by not participating in any others put on by that ride organiser.

But it is worth pointing out that the comment wasn't aimed at him because, on his own admission, he is no longer a Clyde... and the Clydes in the group seemed to enjoy the joke by laughing at the comments.

chasm54

This isn't a safe conclusion, Rowan. There are many people who have developed strategies for coping with beng bullied, including ingratiating themselves with the bully. It's easier to appear to laugh stuff off than be permanently confrontational, or be the guy with "no sense of humour". That doesn't necessarily mean they're enjoying the joke.

Rowan

Perhaps. But I also would like to know if the OP was participating in this group ride for the first time. And whether he spoke to the people who were targets of the comments to see what their attitude was.

I also come from a country where the term "bastard" has virtually lost all connotations of being born out of wedlock. In most contexts, it is an endearing term ("you lucky bastard", or even "ahhh, you fat bastard"); in some others it can be derisive ("you are a sneaky, conniving bastard"); and in some cases offensive ("you bicyclists are all bastards" -- although there are other words that are more in vogue these days).

FBinNY has made several excellent points in his posts about context, in particular.

GravelMN

I'd respond "Hey scrawny man, my parents were married!" and then smile, chuckle and give him a friendly slap on the back or shoulder check just hard enough to put him a little off balance. If he can't take it, he shouldn't dish it out.

Our culture is filled with people just looking for a reason to be offended. Our skins have gotten ridiculously thin. Are we so insecure that every little slight, real or perceived, causes "emotional trauma"? As Rowan and others said, it's all about context. If someone is being intentionally cruel, call him out on it. If he's just talking smack or giving you sh**, give it right back and move on. Even if someone is being an ass, it's on them, not you.

DMC707

I saw a quote and shared it on my FB page

"Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind, always"

I like that and would aspire to live my life this way


HAving said that, if it was a group ride of friends that knew each other and rode together frequently , -- i think it sounds like good natured ribbing .

I'm 300 lbs , i've since learned to accept the fact if someone thinks poor thoughts of me because im a big guy, then thats their problem -- i dont have to make it mine. The fact that i am on my bike means i am working on my problem

Gnosis

In the U.S. Army, drill sergeants referred to us continually as “maggots.” Every time we did something that wasn’t to their approval (which was nearly constant for the first half of basic training), we had to walk up to the “no-go-tree,” place our nose against its bark and repeat loudly so all the other maggots could hear: “I AM A NO-GO…I AM A NO-GO…I AM A NO-GO…etc. This would often go on for 15 to 20 minutes or so.

All of us could hardly keep from laughing aloud even when WE were the NO-GO telling the no-go-tree that we were NO-GOs. Hell, I still chuckle about those moments although at the time, the drill sergeants didn’t want us to laugh because it was supposed to be a humiliating form of discipline (even so, it WAS funny and some of us couldn’t help but laugh aloud hence, we joined those telling the no-go-tree that we also were NO-GOs ).

If life has taught me anything, it’s that, you need to have a sense of humor in life or you’ll miss out on all the fun!

VCSL2015

https://www.bikeforums.net/clydesdale...-comments.html

The OP asked if its OK...Personally I think its terrible. Anyone with time should read the above thread where riders describe how unsolicited comments and name calling affect their mental and physical state during riding and other riders offer tips on how to cope.

this is an EDIT just for you

VCSL2015

Personally Ive spent too many years calling myself a NOGO and I am A YESGO and I think we should focus more energy in encouraging others in building people up around here instead of tearing people down. Wheres the love.


Edited just for you.

TankSlapper

arex

Exactly.

VCSL2015

chaadster

Some of you people have serious self-esteem problems.

tunavic

A fat bastard NO, a son of a *****, yes.

bakes1

IMO if you have to ask a question like that you are most likely unable or unwilling to heed or understand whatever responses/advice you may receive no offense

bakes1

"Wheres the love"
??
You are asking for or looking for love from total strangers on an internet bicycling forum?
Very cool but I think I will stick to my friends and family and pets when looking for and giving love.
I guess I am just old fashioned...

Inpd

Ah the classic passive aggressive response with ulterior motives. Why not just say what you truly think, it makes life less complicated!

All I'm asking is how people would react in this situation. I'm not asking for advise as I won't be riding with them again.

VCSL2015

you missed the msg. To answer the OP I would ignore the remark and keep on pedaling remembering im not a mind reader and i dont know what that man was thinking but im on a ride so "whatever".

If I think name calling is okay? as i said i think its terrible.

Cyclosaurus

Beat me to it!

Cyclosaurus

Leave the group. Not because it's offensive, but I'd be rolling my eyes at someone who thinks repeating the same joke from a movie over and over is funny. Find a group that has some original material.

bakes1

That is deliciously ironic
Why didn't you say what you thought when you heard the comment? Instead of coming to an internet forum to ask strangers for help.
Seriously? What were your ulterior motives for keeping quiet Dr. Freud?

rawly old

You can call me a' fat bastard', but smile when you say it. 6'4", 270 down from 409. What's
left isn't fat.

JakiChan

If you know me, you can say it. Well, if you know me well. But just be prepared - you open that door and you don't get to close it when I start making fun of you. And I'm VERY good at it...