Ready to Ruck

oh man my friends honk at me on the roads when they see me. I always think in my head "ugh who is this ******* behind me?!" and I get real frustrated because I'm used to jerk drivers so when they pull up or I look behind me I always feel bad. And I tell them never to honk at me again.

jaypee

I can understand this. If I was a cop and saw some superman eating a grenade, I'd shoot him full of lead as well.

brunop

i never tire of retellin' this li'l anecdote. to wit:

dude i know was runnin' (i know it's not bikin') and some fratboy type yelled some ***** about bein' a *** or somethin' in his li'l runnin' shorts. car stops at light, runnerdude climbs up on hood of car, drops li'l runnin' shorts and takes a huge dump on the guys hood and windshield, pulls his shorts up and runs off. it gets better. the fratboy's girlfrind was in the passenger seat and freaked so bad she almost fainted. started screaming and yelling incoherently. bet the fratboy didn't get any that night.

this is a true story.

onetwentyeight 

oh god thats gross. nice one.

brunop

here's an anecdote i posted that happened to me a few months ago. a lot o' people called me out on it (rightly probably in retrospect). i have matured greatly since then though.

but still:


just had to share this amusin' li'l anecdote about a confrontation i had this mornin' with a "motorist". i was comin' out of whole foods parkin' lot where i'd picked up my lunch and was headin' to work (this is in newton, ma) and this car came by and brushed my ****in' leg. there was plenty of room but the car made contact and kept on goin'. so i accelerated and caught 'em a ways down the road. now if it'd been an old lady or somethin' i'd've just let it go, but it was an old fat dude in fancyass lexus or something. so i started pointin' at 'em and gesturing (using all my fingers at this point) and the dude rolls his window down and i say, "hey, how 'bout sharin' the road?". motherfocker responds: "shut the **** up!" i'm my usual mature self and respond: "**** you, you fat bastard". dude takes off from the light and i stay right with him harassin' him and kickin' the side of his whip and generally talkin' **** and he's gettin' all heated up an' **** and gesturin' and i thought he was gonna have a ****in' coronary. i started laughin' and he got even more insane! i swear i thought he was gonna wreck!

anyway, it was fun.

skelly

some ****** was leaning out of the backseat of a car to tell me to "get a car *******!" this was during the public transporation strike, so there was traffic jams everywhere. why this guy thinks another car on the road is a good idea is beyond me.

as I was considering, pulling out my water bottle and hosing him in the face, his driver friend had to slam on the brakes for the red light they just sped towards, and the guy in the backseat almost fell out of the car.

marcelinyc

anarchocyclist

This is how many of my dreams end, except in my dreams the car explodes in a beautiful blossom of orange fire and my bike grows wings and I fly over a rainbow on which a unicorn with a ktten on its back is dancing and the heavens open and I pedal into the palm of the hand of God accompanied by an angelic choir. So thanks.

powers2b

You really should lay off the absinthe....

Enjoy

anarchocyclist

Oops, I forgot to mention that the angelic choir is singing "Rain King" by Sonic Youth.

mrRed

If you're like certain members of the BF, you could just launch yourself shoulder first into his windshield, flip over the back and total the guy's car with your body, only to get up and ride off.

jfmckenna

This may be stupid too but you know how it is. I've gotten right in front of them at the red light and when it changes green I don't move until the light cycles to yellow and then just as it hits red I go through and wave bye bye. In my town it's mostly frat boys but if it looks like a psycho killer then I go on my way.

sers

yeah, i work in Wellesley Hills and I ride through Newton daily. There's no shortage of duochebags who have no concept of anything outside of their giant cars.

AfterThisNap

Woah, I'm in totall agreement with you for once.


Note: many sideview mirrors do come off surprisingly easily. I was riding the bike lane once when a new murano pulled out without looking. I shot for a small hole between the car and traffic and clipped the mirror with my shoulder. It popped off cleanly and shot down the street without a bruise or anything to me.

Another time I got "lightly" doored by an opening taxi door. I got squeezed between the door and an escalade mirror which didn't fold or move at all.

No_Minkah

Yeah, and then there was Amadou Diallo, shot 41 times for pulling out his wallet. So wallets are out too.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amadou_...hooting_victim)

ZachS

The real question is, how many times did they shoot him after he hit the ground?

eddiebrannan

nope

VCURFCwinger14

Coming home from our cycle slaughterama after party in richmond with a few friends. We had to cross a bridge to get back into our part of the city. As we are crossing, some ****** bag throws two yeungling*sp* bottles at us. We start yelling and ****, but figure its pointless because there isnt a stoplight for a goodways , so we just ride on. Three lights later, there he is. Some random guy on a moped who saw the whole thing pulls up to the car with us, hits it with his chain lock and procedes to yell at the driver and passengers who threw the bottles. My two friends and i open the rear door and punch, kick, slap, and spit on the passenger who is totally **** faced, and end up drawing the attention of the police. Driver gets arrested for a DUI and we walk away unscathed. Crazy fkn night.

koyman

And the moral of the story is.....





Police Officers are modern day superheroes

TeleJohn

Back to the horn, I do have an airzound and it is quite loud. When I use it drivers think another car is beeping at them. I have started shouting matches between drivers using it.

GetOutOfNJ

Is that wrong? I've often thought about sewing an airhorn holster onto my messenger bag.

Then I remember I don't have a messenger bag.

But I have dibs on the idea for if I ever get one.

DIBS!

pigmode

Spit?!?

VCURFCwinger14

yes... you know... the saliva in your mouth... only projectile.

Jonny B

If someone gives you crap, just yell 'Thank you!' or 'Have a nice day!', y'know, something totally unexpected (put on your best sarcasm voice though). A confused driver is a lot more fun than an angry one (who can run you down in his car)

trmcgeehan

I did the same thing not too long ago after a guy honked. He had tinted windows, so I couldn't see who it was until it was too late. I feel real bad about flipping off my pastor, his wife, and two teen-aged daughters.