back on planet earth
 

i just noticed it has been a year since i've logged on. it's been a rough year for me, figuring out where i fit in with the gen pop, who i still don't feel will ever understand why i wake up every night in sweats and nightmares of the things i saw and did in iraq. crowd anxiety, startle reactions, and unwelcome flashbacks of humans in pieces or visions of perfectly aligned sight pictures that lasted only long enough to pull the trigger have haunted me and kept me at a safe distance from those around me. nothing feels the same.
i'm back on my bike now. i rode 700 miles through italy in 23 days, taking a ten-day stay in rome. i've moved back to the impersonal city of reno, worked through two semesters as if nothing beyond school existed, and taken a stable federal job. been riding to work, enjoying the breeze along the river. 105 feels like 90 to me, insuring i have the bikeway to myself. as of this afternoon, the fixie is fully mission capable. geared down to 45/17 to deal with the hills and wind. i think i'm going to wuss out and install a front caliper after having a cop make a sudden right turn on me yesterday without using her signal. probably my narrowest miss ever. well, second narrowest, anyway. this is not a bike town.
so here's my ride, to show my pride. scrounged a better saddle, skins, and chainring. gotta get some wider bars, though, these ones were made for an elf, not a clydesdale.
http://img136.imageshack.us/img136/5297/fixiehb9.jpg

the bike looks nice, i'm glad you're ok, i have alot of friends who are having a hard time adjusting to civilian life, i hope you have a good family and friends around to tolerate you,
if you're out completely congrats

Nice bike. What kind of stem is that on there.

Thanks for the time you served (or continue to serve)! Hopefully taking one day at a time will help to get things back to normal for you.

[QUOTE=eurotrash666]... i wake up every night in sweats and nightmares of the things i saw and did in iraq. crowd anxiety, startle reactions, and unwelcome flashbacks of humans in pieces or visions of perfectly aligned sight pictures that lasted only long enough to pull the trigger have haunted me and kept me at a safe distance from those around me. nothing feels the same.[/QUOTE}

i hate that government officials will sit pretty and comfortable and send decent people like you off to do things like that and come back feeling like this. it isn't a matter of why you were there and whether it was right or wrong, i don't want to politicize this. but i think on a personal level it's a shame that you had to do those things you mentioned and that they follow you to this day.

it's good that you are....physical exercise can make wonderful therapy, and cycling has been noted as a good form of physical exercise as therapy.

i hate every time i hear a veteran talk about both what they saw and how it won't ever leave them. no one should ever have to go to war. no one should be subjected to that. i wish you all the best and hope life holds nothing but the best in store for you.

nice bike, ive always like those seatubes.

Welcome back.

just when I think Im doing it tough .......real eye opener euro , hang in there bro . riding will sooth the pain . p.s those forks are so **** off .

Glad you are back and getting stable, hope all goes well on that front.

I'm going to need some info on that frame and fork though. Sorry.

yeah, that frame looks sweet.

+1 to all thanks and well wishes, glad you're ok dude.

+2 on the seattube

Thank you for your service! And nice seat tube!

welcome back.

Thank you all for your support. I have been working closely with other veterans who are dealing with the same issues. About 15 to 20% of us have PTSD issues. I landed a job doing GWOT outreach for the Vet Center, which is a readjustment counseling service funded under the VA. It has really been helping, and i'm doing alot better. riding the bike has been outstanding. i can't believe i took so much time off, but i really didn't feel the love, which is funny, since riding was all i could think about in iraq.
here is a pic of my platoon in samarra, taken by my plt ldr...
http://img48.imageshack.us/img48/1667/killyoucc8.jpg


as for the bike, it is a KHS track bike, i think it's about 1990 or so. the forks are colnago, they come up on ebay from time to time, and i think the stem is the same. the rear wheel is a velocity/surly flip-flop, the front is a velocity/american classic with blade spokes. sprocket is vintage suntour, cranks are 170mm SR's, pedals are shimano 600 track pedals. god i need some tt bars, i really hate the cut-and-inverted drop bars...

anyway, thanks again. you guys rock.

welcome back [not that ive been here very long]. good to know there's outreach for you guys to help deal with the residuals of having seen & gone through what you did. one of the guys in my graduating hs class served in the first gulf war, & when he got home, he transitioned over to vet counseling as well. it was odd to see someone so gung ho about it come back and witness the complete change in his demeanor.
glad yr ok tho, and keep riding!

gung ho is a funny thing. i didn't think about what the implications of my mission were while i was over there, i would not have been able to function. i could easily deal with the immediate dangers, such as firefights, but it took over a year to sort out the complexities of some of the things less immediate- like the rocket that missed my group by a yard or so and impacted in a crowd of children walking home from school. when it happened, i was angry because it was so fu(ked up, then i put it away. now, every time i hear babykiller comments (yes, people say it), i think about the insurgent that murdered children in his own neighborhood just for a chance at getting an american. things that i don't think about often come to the surface at the damnedest times. it could be a phrase or expression that was said while something was going on. strange. anyway, about gung ho, one thing i saw was the most hardass rambo wannabees freeze in combat or try to get out of the deployment. funny, it was the goofy fellas that really hold it together. gung ho is an act, and performance on the ground has nothing to do with how well you can shine your boots and do push-ups. everybody, whether they admit it or not, who has been to hell and back has a little bit of hell follow them home.

nothing represents freedom to me like flying on a bike.

well said.

Where's Ceya to throw in a Semper Fi? Welcome back to civ life; my brother served in the Gulf War and I think has some hidden PTSD stuff that I don't think he was ever able to communicate, so I'm glad there are some people out there doing counseling.

welcome back.. thats a great photo..

and nice bike.. 'cept that fork is all wrong! like wearing nikes and a puma sweatsuit.. can't be mixin your gear like that.. you should sell it to terror in pink

ya, sell it to me, i need it for my colnago road bike... where it belongs!


and welcome back! I'm sorry it's such a rough transition.

the real question is.. what fork do you put on a KHS? the ones that come with it are butt.. somethign generic and chrome and hole-less i suppose?

the bareknuckle straight blade fork in black wouldnt look bad

much respect for everything you've done and continue to do eurotrash. If I'm ever half the man you and your collegues are, I'll be pleased. Dealing with some heavy **** broham, if you need anything just let us know.

Welcome back. Guys like you are needed at the VET center. I salute you and Semper Fi! for your service. Yes even to a Army dog. Any help let me know by PM- OPSEC in effect.

S/F,
CEYA!

Just think, Im trying to go back in the Corps..Ooh Rah!

here is a pic of a rewarding ride in eichstatt, germany. it is in the altmultahl valley, which featured over 1000k of bike trails. beautiful area. if you visit europe, don't go without your bike. just to show that military life has its upside...
http://img66.imageshack.us/img66/736...t3smallvk9.jpg

amalfi coast in italy... 23 days of decompression. italy was amazing. i was suffering from crowd anxiety, so i fled the cities and rode the countryside. hostelling, food, and lots of cappuccino totaled out to about 25 euro per day. camping is possible in the summer... i would say the med side is a better tour than the adriatic, but both have their beauties. italy has so much cultural variation, and is entirely bike-friendly, minus the trains. trenital is far below deutschbahn. it is nice to jump from one area to another on train, then ride from town to town.
http://img78.imageshack.us/img78/749...bikejpgbn6.jpg