veggiemafia

Dude, you know that **** never happened to your Wexford-livin' ass. Liar.
(Read: I'm really jealous, that crap never happens to me and I'm 11 years younger than you.)

Anyway, last Saturday I had a generally bizarre night of biking. I was headed to the South Side to have a couple drinks with a friend, and on the way there, I was headed down E. Carson (this is one lane in each direction, pretty much packed, cars going a max of 20mph for no longer than 1/2 a block at a time) so during one of these 20mph stretches, I was taking the lane, going as fast as the cars, and this popped collar ****** who's in the last car in the line of traffic starts laying on the horn of his Lincoln. So I stay in the lane and slow down a little to stop, because I just think it's funny to watch this guy get steamed. So I turn E. Carson into the first two laps of a match sprint race for a couple blocks.

Then, after the bar I was headed up the bus lane on Fifth from the Birmingham Bridge and this obviously drunk guy says "You look like Lance Armstrong!" and then calls me a name. That name begins with n and rhymes with chigger.

Now, that would be offensive...if I weren't so pale that looking into my bare chest is like looking into the sun.

mihlbach

Wear cycling clothes, not hipster clothes, when you ride and most people will take you much more seriously. Ride fast and keep a focused looking expression of your face, sort of like you are training for the Olympics, and you will exude a completely different aura. Most people will feel like they are in your way, rather than the other way around.

bonechilling

My usual reaction to honks and other negativity is



It's great, because it's totally passive-aggressive,
so no one knows quite how to respond.

teakwood

For me the worst part of being harrassed is the immediate shock of the horn or the yelling... It's ****ing scary! Jumping at that stuff always makes me feel like a weenie, which is alright because I'm vulnerable as hell compared to them, but I don't want them to see that. It's my road too, dammmit!

d_roche

i think you have relationship issues with the road and your bike. better sort that.

vulnerably showing your vulnerability is the first step...

sfcrossrider

My best car/bike story is when a yuppies Lightspeed road bike fell off his SUV, causing me to crash a friends super crotch rocket. (a track preped 2004 GSXR-750 for the motorcycle bunch.)
Full leathers and a hella nice helmet saved my @ss (I was coming back from a track day @ TWS. Thats why I was dressed like a Power Ranger.) My last thought, as I saw the bike bouncing down I-35 in Austin, Texas was... That shouldn't be there. SMACK!!!

SingleSpeeDemon

Maybe it was Michael Richards...he tends to say weird **** like that.

SingleSpeeDemon

But what if it did? It's possible, you know.

wildbird

About 15 years ago in a large town in switzerland there was a story reported in the local newspaper, about a confrontation between a cab and a bike, which started verbally, continued with the cabby trying to assault the biker by swerving at him, and ending with the biker using his U-lock in full speed to smash in the cabby's windshield

stieg

I think many of you are a little young for me but I spent the 80's and 90's dealing with this ****. In a northwest logging town, no less!

Just do your thing, and make sure the dumb@sss rednecks don't kill you.

I can brawl with the best of them but I think carrying a lightweight pistol is not an unwise proposition (prolly not recommended by you nyc characters).

veggiemafia

Dude, it's already awkward enough when I go to school on Monday and notice there are still a couple condoms and an empty flask in my bag from the weekend.

jetbike

Mostly my reactions are reduced to yelling 'F**K YOU!!' and riding very slowly, right on front of the perpetrator of nastiness.

My finest hour was having a fat guy and his fat wife try and run me off the road. The dude actually swung his arm out at me! They speed off and hey-presto they hit a red light 100 metres away. I decide to gather myself, I pull up next to the car and say, "Haven't you got anything better to do than threaten cyclists? Maybe you should get a hobby? Can I recommend cycling, maybe then you wouldn't be such a fat bastard."

I then jumped the lights and they never caught up with me. Felt like going home right there and then, I knew the day wasn't gonna get any better.

That's the benefit of red lights, THEY need to stop and we can transcend.

SingleSpeeDemon

Don't lie Veggie...everyone knows you're a virgin who can't hold his liquor.

veggiemafia

No...no......OH GOD IT'S TRUE!! IT'S TRUE!! *masturbates while crying*

But seriously...you should hear about my lady situation right now...it's bizarre. I'll shoot you an email.

Klink

I've had a few fun encounters of which I'll tell a few.

Riding behind a pickup one summer night a guy decides to slam on his brakes, no signal, so last minute I (riding towards the right edge of the road) cut the fellow off nearly missing his front right fender and careen into a parking lot. This man, maybe 50 or so, looked as if he'd never expect someone 30 years his junior to politely lecture him on the importance of turn signals.

The other day I was riding up one of the more cycling heavy streets in this town and again, abrupt use of brakes and no turn signal. This time I was dead center behind the cat and decided to go left, passing him in the middle of a two-lane two-way street. Just my luck he jerks his wheel left and I hockey puck to a stop and shout "Use your turn signals you ****ing idiot." This surprised me, I just sort of let it slip. When I start to pass him he's raging to get his window down, and as I look at this pudgy bastard he just barely manages to muster up a stutter-filled "Uhhh... ride on the right side of the road!"

deathhare

After more than a decade of getting verbally attacked on TN roads a friend and i had finally had it. Some **** in a big caddy passed us and yelled, "get a ****ing car you ****s!" and then the moron turned into a pizza joint less than a block away. We decided to beat his ass so we followed him in. When we arrived at his window you can imagine his surprise. He 100% refused to get out of the car and locked himself in. Our promises of the ass beating he was soon to get didnt help that at all.
Eventually he sincerly apologized.
Maybe the last time he yells **** at bikers.

shogun17

My latest one was last Friday late-morning, coming back from a nice hilly ride. I am halfway through a roundabout when this red hatchback pulls straight in front of me and starts going pretty slowly around the roundabout. I slammed on the brakes hard enough to lift up the back wheel, got a momentary glance of the big red "P" (aussies'll know what I'm talking about), and yell D***HEAD!!! into the open window. Some ignorant uni girl, didn't even know I was there. It was pretty funny looking back and seeing her swerving as I imagine she was looking around thinking where the **** did that come from.

seaneee

This one is prett good.

A few of us were riding in the far left lane on a one way street. We were getting ready to make a left turn and we were taking up most of the lane (There were also 4 other lanes to the right of us with no traffic).

I see this lady out of the corner of my eye, run the read light, speeds up to catch up with us, slows down and yells "stay in your own lane" and then speeds off.

The rad part is that she was so set on yelling at us, that she blew a red light on a pretty busy street.

Retem

halt! dog spray an air horn and a u-lock is how I deal with things

they honk honk back they try to run you into parked cars catch up and bust off a mirror or window or antenna anything they get out and want to fight mace em

thats the way we roll

ericoseveins

i might be the jacka$$ in a lot of situations. i ride law-abidingly but when drivers do things anyway, i don't react so well. it's not good...

1) in a bike lane in college park, i hear a popping sound - some guys in a car next to me throwing firecrackers behind me. i ignore but it's continued. i look over and hold my hands up, perplexed. dude sticks his head out and yells, "i hope you ***kin craaash!" i squatted over in front of them and waited 20 seconds with my finger up until they stalled out, then i left.

2) guy crosses three lanes into my lane in ward circle while i had the green light (which means he had the red). i yell "what are you doing?" at him and he starts cursing me out. i walk over to his window (which is up) and stare at him (i'm wearing the ninja mask, too). then i raise my arm in the air and hit my fist on his window, once. really hard, then rode off.

i'm not proud - this isn't good behavior. should take ryan's advice about just making a phone call. also, hm. curious as to whether the ninja mask makes me more or less likely to get ***ked with. probably makes no difference - although somebody told me that cute girls are half as likely to get hit by a car as men. wonder where moderately repulsive rat-men wearing unfashionable face masks fit in...

penguinc00

I got hit once because I was crossing on a cross walk at walking pace ( I was crossing to lock up my bike on a pole), and this stupid college girl rolled THROUGH the stop sign and knocked me over. I got pretty ticked off and started yelling about her stupidity, and some hicks in the lane beside her start saying "you shouldn't have rolled through the crosswalk like that". Mind you, when i was crossing, there was no one at either of the two side-by-side stop signs, ie. it was my right of way.

I pointed to her front wheel, and where it was situated relative to the stop sign. They then pulled the "oh we don't know anything" card. Idiots.

Other times though, I get nice "Hi"s and "hello"s from cute girls. Hotness.

Briareos

I wonder how many of these stories are true...

I don't have too much trouble in this here suburb of Chicago. Mostly because I choose roads that are almost completely deserted most of the time and I rarely see a car in the first place. If I can avoid them I can't very well get into a tiff with them either. I'm not saying all y'all are asshats, but I try to take the high road and not spit or yell back. I just give them a big goofy grin and wave at them while nodding my head. It completely turns them off and they suddenly realize what an ass they are yelling at some "nice fellow". I find that making them cry at night when they realize just how much of a SOB they are is much more rewarding than u-locking their side rear-view mirror.

If I ever find the need to use more congested roads, I think I'll take one of the poster's advice to wear racing clothes. I think people would be more apt to treat you courteously when they think you're a Tour de France contender.

I wonder if tri/tt/pursuit bars would be useful as well. You definately look "pro" to them in a weird aero position.

deathhare

Yeah, you got us...were all ****in lying.

jamey

this one time i killed the driver and all the passengers on a short bus because the driver cut me off...tell me i'm lying!

wroomwroomoops

It's people like you that give us cyclists a bad name!


Seriously though; if the news of a cyclist going berzerk and massacrating a carful of people, would that increase or decrease security for cyclists? I know that humans are often motivated by fear.

I am not suggesting anyone should do this!

P.S. hundredth post!