Go Back  Bike Forums > Bike Forums > Singlespeed & Fixed Gear
Reload this Page >

My Life As A Drug Runner

Notices
Singlespeed & Fixed Gear "I still feel that variable gears are only for people over forty-five. Isn't it better to triumph by the strength of your muscles than by the artifice of a derailer? We are getting soft...As for me, give me a fixed gear!"-- Henri Desgrange (31 January 1865 - 16 August 1940)

My Life As A Drug Runner

Old 10-10-08, 03:35 PM
  #1  
Pants are for suckaz
Thread Starter
 
HandsomeRyan's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Mt. Airy, MD
Posts: 2,578

Bikes: Hardtail MTB, Fixed gear, and Commuter bike

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 1 Time in 1 Post
My Life As A Drug Runner

I'm GeorgeWBushed up right now but I'm going to try this anyway.

1991. Second grade but tall for my age(8821 Sunny Brook Rd) I answered an ad, "Unscrupulous bike rider needed. Must have bike & lock". It was at a sketchy back ally on Magnolia Ave. I jacked some kid's bike on the way over, I also bought a length of chain at a hardware store & a Masterlock.

Mostly pedaling drugs, it started a career I would never forget. I graduated to a SS conversion, then another being influenced buy the sleek bikes stolen by other crackheads. I had several other name brand frames, but because of the time that has passed & sampling my own product, the names escape me. I just know they were expensive & way too small.

Soon I had a Huffy frame in my size, pearl white paint & my first set of true FG wheels. I don't even remember how I got it. I worked for several dealers, many times I worked for 2 dealers at a time. I made loads of cash, most of which I spent on internet pr0n.

I was homeless for a time, sleeping in an alley on an "aerobed" i purchased after watching a compelling infomercial while high one night. I locked my bag to a pole, slept with my bike on the inflatable mattress, hugging it like a pillow. Many times my slumber was interrupted by tranny night walkers spooning me like, "hey, buddy. you lookin' for a good time?".

There wasn't cell phones like now, just pagers & the "nickel trick" (you'd insert a quarter into a payphone, press the lever slightly until you heard a click, the quarter would drop out & you'd then insert a nickel & make the call. I knew every payphone in a 2x2 block area that this trick worked on). The whole test to become a dealer was, the customer would ask you a question like, "where can I find some blueberry yum yum?" If you answered correctly, you made a sale.

Those were good times. I still sometimes want to go back to being a dealer. It was one of the only gigs where, fresh out of jail, you could get hired based on your knowledge of the sticky icky, then excel because of your speed & crack rocks.

There were programs on local TV featuring dealers [Americas Most Wanted, COPS, etc.], highlighting that it's one of the most dangerous jobs in the city, yet we're not covered by insurance. They highlighted the different dealers that were killed in the line of duty, calling for a "Gang" (is there one now?)

I loved being a dealer. I salute those of you who smoke that schwag every day. Ride safe.

[/parody of a parody]

Sorry.
HandsomeRyan is offline  
Old 10-10-08, 03:51 PM
  #2  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 125
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
The first parody was almost funny, this one had no chance.
Mr Wiggles is offline  
Old 10-10-08, 03:57 PM
  #3  
misanthropist
 
4doorhoor's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Shanghai OR
Posts: 472
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
swing from the nuts of a guy everybody hates x2
4doorhoor is offline  
Old 10-10-08, 03:58 PM
  #4  
lifewaster.
 
helloamerican's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Georgia.
Posts: 980
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 1 Time in 1 Post
dude you totally made the best joke on the internet.
helloamerican is offline  
Old 10-10-08, 03:58 PM
  #5  
chickenosaurus
 
j3ffr3y's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Boston, MA
Posts: 1,189

Bikes: 2010 Motobecane Team Track, 1997 GT Edge, 2012 Kilo TT Stripper

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Originally Posted by mr wiggles
the first parody was almost funny, this one had no chance.
+1
j3ffr3y is offline  
Old 10-10-08, 04:00 PM
  #6  
Head Chief
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: kettering ohio
Posts: 332

Bikes: Motobecane Messenger

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
At least he said he was sorry
2new2this is offline  
Old 10-10-08, 04:11 PM
  #7  
lifewaster.
 
helloamerican's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Georgia.
Posts: 980
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 1 Time in 1 Post
sorry doesn't mean it's ok.
helloamerican is offline  
Old 10-10-08, 05:15 PM
  #8  
big ring
 
MIN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: philadelphia
Posts: 5,838
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 1 Time in 1 Post
NICE TRY.


MIN is offline  
Old 10-10-08, 05:32 PM
  #9  
馬鹿野郎!
 
jussik's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: HELLsinki, Finland
Posts: 545
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
I love you Ryan. I'm bit drunk, though.
jussik is offline  

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service -

Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.