teiaperigosa

so I'm riding my single speed bicycle in traffic, as I usually do
holding the lane diddy boppin crosstown on the ave, like 'do it, do it'
boxin' the cars dey if they try and test my space, cause I know I've got to
bmx style hard lean pedal attitude
...
this dude, smh
...
pushin up with his car, you know how they do
tryin' rub shoulda with the next lane, just to be rude
honk hanging on the horn, i'm watchin' what he do
my grip on the bars, shiiid, yup uh huh I'm watchin' this fool
--
"eyyoooo...give room", singin' but you know it ain't blues
call it a narcocorrido, smoove **** with a mix of the rude
I warnin' the tool, ain't wanna have to eat his food
--
but this dude, smh
this dude, smh

ceasar, escalade and all that
shiiid, coulda had the blade, ratchet, fade and all that
he catchin' the rage, I waiting to see if he'll fall back
he caught it so I fall back, I get itchy cause I'm all that
coulda slipped the intersection, but what?, fuk all that

aight even have a hard hat, I'm just hard on the tarmac
a small bag and tall naps, sweaty down to the ballsack
I fall back hard, cause I wanna see him fall back
break turn around, I'm ice grillin' like Borat
high five backhanded, but these four fingers is all trapped

he just see one, he just see da dun
he all oops, damn, what I dun dun
he all oops, man, dis don't look like the one

wanna save face, still get out
its hot like all get out, he sweatin' in his get up
all regrettin' that he got out




ok ok ok..I won't drag it out.the rest of the verses will be out on my album releasing soon. don't sleep. the track will be called "wheelies in the park['s nothing major]". here's the prose for u

so...this guy da da da...tries to get out and fight me. like 'what you wanna do' and all that. it was funny cause 's nothing major. I deals with these fools all day. he wanted to be major, but he was minor...so, I'm like 'what YOU wanna do fool?!' lol...nah 4real, it was a long argument (in road time) but his main point was (of course) why was I in the middle of the street? and he told me to "go and find a bicycle lane!". hahahaha I'm dying on the ave. He is out of his car. I could have r2d2'd it like "there is no bicycle lane, I am allowed to ride in the street. hardy har har", but all I could think to say at the time was " yo.... .... .... (it was funny cause he paused and was really paying attention to what I was about to formulate; imagine a screw face trying to come up with the next 'your mama' joke, but having trouble) ...go...find... the bidch azzz lane! " and proceeded to tell him that's where he belonged. 's the best I could come up with to match the level of ridiculous. like I was gonna go and find a bicycle lane to ride on, lol.

after I clowned dude and was on my way, I half way regretted not (no ****) inquiring further into what he 'wanted to do' ( I told him verbatim "I don't want to do anything [with you]!"). so, to let off steam i cursed him out (to myself) for about the next 20 min of riding. this time I included all the r2d2, and got off my head kicks bunny hoping gratings on the bike path (funny, I was actually on my way to 'find the bicycle lane/path'). I thought of all this cool, clever and tuff stuff to say. after the fact!

lets hear it...what did you say/do on the spot? what did you wish you had said after the fact?!

Cynikal 

Meth....it's a hell of a drug!

B:H Pusher

thats lulz

elTwitcho

I used to get up in people's faces but then I realized it's not worth stressing and ****ing up your ride over. I just move on and forget it dude

Enxu

Last time this happened, 'bout 3 weeks ago, it went like this:

I'm in the lane, coming up to a red light, at a "no turn on red" intersection, when I hear a tap on the horn behind me. I glance back, and see dude in a POS jag throw up his arms and start flailing with anger. Naturally, I exaduratedly mimic his assinine behavoir for a sec, then track stand at the light.

Dude pulls up on my right, about 4 feet away, rolls down his window, and starts with the "get outta the road you F***in f****t, on your f****t bike etc." I let him go on for a half a minute as I stare right at him, then in a scream, that made all the peds and drivers around look over, I go "I GOT AS MUCH RIGHT AS YOU DO TO BE IN THE ROAD, YOU IGNORANT MUTHAFUKIN *******, WHY DON'T YOU LEARN THE FUKIN LAW AND SHUT THE FUK UP! FUK YOU! etc."

This puts him in shock for 10 sec, then he proceeds to try to shout over me, again with the anti-*****exual epithets. Light turns green, I proceed straight, he goes right, as we continue the verbal sparring. I throw in an "a*****e!" to get the last word, which causes him to suddenly forget to keep his car on the correct path, and pull a hard left in the middle of turning right, which nearly lands him on the sidewalk, as he shouts "What was that?"

I look to my left and right to make sure it was clear, stop in the intersection, and shout "ASS---HOLE!" annunciating clearly for his benefit. Dude opens his door with his obnoxiously-huge-obviously-fake-gold-watch-adorned hand, half gets out and says "come over here and be a man, let's make something of it!" I ride off to work, laughing out loud, reveling in smug satisfaction.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Only thing I wish I had said was "you're not worth it" when he stepped with the fightin words.

I know this was somewhat juvenile, definitely unecessary behavior, but man was it satisfying. Esp. his face when I actually responded in kind, much to his surprise. Plus it had me pumped up for the ride home, when I had to verbally regulate on a crazy lady in her minivan.

Geordi Laforge

what's wrong with you?

Cy Trivialities

About two days ago, I did a pretty long ride and was pretty tired after it. So I decide to take the subway back to Queens. This was during rush hour, so I go all the way to the back of the F train to not be in the way of people. Get off at Roosevelt Ave station, to transfer to the R. And I get on a damn near empty R train.

Some fat old woman starts coming out of her face at me for no reason. She was talking bout "you need to get out of the way of the door, people need to get out of the train! It's RUSH HOUR! You're a FIRE HAZARD!"

So I was like "hooooooold up, are you serious? This train is damn near empty, I'm not in ANYONES way. And plus take a look at yourself you fat piece of ****, you ain't been in a rush in 50 years. You taking up more space than I am just sitting there, and i'm holding onto a bike."

Of course she told me to go to hell, and I told her to **** herself. All in all it was an interesting exchange.

monsterkidz

Best reply EVAR!

Best comeback I ever had was, I went to spit on the driver's side window....and it was open!

buggg

the way that flows reminds me to a T of a crackhead i know in denver. the resemblence is kinda disturbing.

elTwitcho

If people are being stupid you're only validating their stupidity by yelling at them.

I did have a woman honk at me the other day while I was pacing the traffic in front of me. When we came to a stop I walked my bike back to her window and calmly and non aggressively knocked on it gently to get her to roll it down. When she rolled her window down I calmly and in a non disrespectful tone asked "what did you expect me to do when you honked your horn exactly?". This threw her off ten times more than just starting a screaming match and name calling, and she actually started stammering before saying "well you should get out of my way". I told her that "No, I'm legally allowed on the road, I'm not legally required to get out of your way, and if I don't think there's enough room for you to pass safely, I'm not going to let you pass". She started stammering again, got all flustered and said "well, fu fu **** you idiot" and I just smiled and took my place back in front of her car. She didn't honk again and I'm sure she felt stupid because there's no doubt she lost that discussion.

But like I said, it's easier to just ignore things and enjoy your ride. Don't slow yourself down to the level of cagers and engage in their stupidity. A cyclist can be long gone while the idiot in the car is sitting there stewing and wailing on his horn in traffic. That's victory enough and is a lot smarter than cursing people IMO

B:H Pusher

i declare troll

schnee

r2d2'd, hahaha

++

schnee

Nah, he's always been this way, he's genuine

Enxu

Thanks, Dad. BTW where have you been, I thought you we're just going to the store....20 yrs ago

Geordi Laforge

+1

artesc

What the hell, OP, do you really talk like that? Is it necessary to type like that too?

elTwitcho

Isn't it obvious? I got the **** outta buffalo like anyone with any sense would have done a decade ago...



And FWIW in regards to the dad comment, I'm 26 and in my short years on this earth I've learned enough not to curse people out if I wasn't planning on standing up to them in a fight. If you basically bait someone into fighting you or wait for old people and women to curse out before you ride off, you're a chickens**t and that's not much to be proud of. If you guys are out there pulling people out of cars and scrapping on your commute home I'll take that back, but somehow I doubt that's the case.

Enxu

I couldn't resist with the Dad comment, it's all in good fun.

FWIW, i never challenged the young man in the jag to a fight, and frankly don't think that being the recipient of harsh words is ever justification for violence. He came with the hate and homophobia; I was just pointing out his ignorance of vehicle law, sprinkled with some generic cursing. He saw that he couldn't shame me off the road by pointing out my f*g-ness, so he wanted to do it with his fists, LIKE A MAN!!

I agree with you for the most part, that these situations never result in much good. But sometimes you gotta celebrate the random, public and fun displays of agression, which I believe was the OP's intent. This certainly isn't my daily MO, but damn was it fun.

elTwitcho

Likewise dude, it's all good

Like I said, I used to get in people's faces, and sometimes I was pissed off enough that I would have fought people if they got out of their car. I just realized a more chilled back way of doing things and thought I'd share. To each their own, man

helloamerican

for the life of me i can't figure what the **** is going on here.

Geordi Laforge

I think he's rapping on a messageboard.

JacoKierkegaard

I didn't read the OP. Am I better off for having retained those 30 seconds of my life?

helloamerican

yes, but worse for posting so a little eh overall.

Meepers

is the real life? is this forever?
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....
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what the hell is happening here?

yepyep

heh