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The Ten Best Bicycle Jokes of All Time

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The Ten Best Bicycle Jokes of All Time

Old 02-09-08, 05:52 PM
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alicestrong
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The Ten Best Bicycle Jokes of All Time

One man's opinion here. Know any more??

From David Fiedler
https://bicycling. about.com/ The Ten Best Bicycle Jokes of All Time

All humor is subjective, of course. But here's my list of the ten
best (clean) bicycle jokes of all time. Be sure to memorize at least
a couple so you can bust them out on your fellow riders next time
you're together. You'll be the hit of every gathering.


1. Going Deaf

A tandem rider is stopped by a police car.
"What've I done, officer?" asks the rider.
"Perhaps you didn't notice sir, but your wife fell off your bike
half a mile back . . ."
"Oh, thank God for that," says the rider - "I thought I'd gone deaf!"


2. Mark Twain's Wisdom on Cycling

"Learn to ride a bicycle. You will not regret it if you live."


3. Pig! Pig!

The other day on a ride, I was speeding down a narrow, twisting,
mountain road. Then along comes a woman who was driving very slowly
uphill toward me, honking her horn and shouting at me.
"PIG! PIG!!" she yelled. "PIG! PIG!!"
So I flipped her the finger and shouted back some things I dare not
repeat as I buzzed by her.
Still thinking about this awful woman and her shouting, I turned the
corner and promptly collided with a pig.


4. A Nerd and His New Bike

A nerd was walking down the sidewalk one day when his friend,
another nerd, rode up on an incredible shiny new bicycle.
The first nerd was stunned by his friend's sweet ride and
asked, "WOW! Where did you get such a nice bike?"
The second nerd replied, "Well, yesterday I was walking home,
minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up to me on
this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her
clothes and said, 'Take what you want!'"
The second nerd nodded approvingly, "Good choice. The clothes
probably wouldn't have fit."


5. A Cyclist in Heaven

A very devout cyclist dies and goes to heaven. Saint Peter meets him
at the gate. First thing the cyclist askes is if there are bicycles
in heaven.
"Sure," says St. Peter, "let me show you," and he leads the guy into
the finest Velodrome you can imagine.
"This is great," the cyclist says.
"It certainly is," says St. Peter. "You will have a custom bike and
the best cycling clothes you've ever seen, and your personal
masseuse will always available."
As they speak a blur streaks by them on the boards riding a gold
plated Cinelli.
"Wow!" the cyclist exclaims. "That guy was so fast that can only be
Eddy Merckx!"
"No," says St. Peter, "that was God on the bike, he only thinks he's
Eddy".


6. The Hardest Part of Learning to Ride a Bike

Q. Do you know what is the hardest part of learning to ride a bike?
A. The pavement.


7. Two Nerds on a Tandem

Two nerds are riding along on a tandem, when suddenly, the one on
the front slams on the brakes, gets off and starts letting air out
of the tires.
The one on the back says: "HEY! What are you doing that for!?"
The first nerd says, "My seat was too high and was hurting my butt.
I wanted to lower it a bit."
So the one in the back has had enought. He jumps off, loosens his
own seat and spins it round to face the other direction.
Now it's the first guy's turn to wonder what's going on. "What are
you doing?" he asks his friend.
"Look mate," says the rider in the back, "if you're going to do
stupid stuff like that, I'm going home!!"


8. Problem Dog

"I've really had it with my dog," said the first guy to his
neighbor. "He'll chase anyone on a bicycle"
"Hmmm, that is a problem," said the neighbor. "What are you thinking
of doing about it?"
"Guess the only answer is to confiscate his bike!"


9. The Pedestrian and the Cyclist

A pedestrian stepped off the curb and into the road without looking
one day and promptly gets knocked flat by a passing cyclist.
"You were really lucky there," said the cyclist.
"What on earth are you talking about! That really hurt!" said the
pedestrian, still on the pavement, rubbing his head.
"Well, usually I drive a bus!" the cyclist replied.


10. A Tough Climb on a Tandem

Jack and Jill have just climbed Le Alp de Huez, one of the steepest
peaks in the Alps on their tandem.
"Phew, that was a tough climb" said Jack, leaning over, breathing
hard. "That climb was so hard, and we were going so slow, I thought
we were never going to make it."
"Yeah, good thing I kept the brakes on," said Jill, "or we'd have
slid all the way back down!"
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Old 02-09-08, 07:28 PM
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Why bikes are better than women...

1. Bicycles dont get pregnant
2. You can ride a bicycle at any time of the month
3. Bicycles dont have parents
4. Bicycles dont whine unless something is really wrong
5. You can share a bicycle with friends
6. Bicycles dont care how many other bicycles you have ridden
7. When riding you and your bicycle arrive at the same time
8. Bicycles dont care how many other bicycles you have
9. Bicycles dont care if you look at other bicycles
10. Bicycles dont care if you buy bicycle magazines
11. If your bicycle goes flat you can fix it
12. If your bicycle is too loose you can tighten it
13. If you get rid of your bike, it won't keep calling you
14. You can ride another friends bicycle and still stay friends
15. If you say bad things to your bicycle you dont have to apologize before you can ride it again
16. You can ride your bicycle as long as you want and it wont get sore
17. Your mother wont stay in touch with your bicycle after you dump it
18. You can stop riding your bicycle as soon as you want and it wont get frustrated
19. Bicycles dont get headaches
20. Bicycles dont insult you if your a bad rider
21. Your bicycle never wants a night out with other bicycles
22. Bicycles dont care if you are late
23. When in mixed company you can talk about other great rides you've had
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Old 02-09-08, 09:07 PM
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Joke

So the other day I'm climbing up a steep hill. I approach an older rider who had gotten off his bike and was walking. I pull up and ask:

"hey is everything OK......(pause).....or are you taking your bike for a walk"
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Old 02-10-08, 02:21 AM
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I'd hate to see what that guy thinks the ten worst bike jokes are.
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Old 02-10-08, 01:49 PM
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Originally Posted by Placid Casual View Post
I'd hate to see what that guy thinks the ten worst bike jokes are.
I just pray to god every day that I'm not on that list.
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Old 02-11-08, 09:51 AM
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Originally Posted by Placid Casual View Post
I'd hate to see what that guy thinks the ten worst bike jokes are.



Feel free to improve upon the list, as long as it's a bikey joke...
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Old 02-11-08, 10:09 AM
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Here's my favorite bicycle joke:

Two nuns riding down a cobbled road on bicycles. First one says to the other, "I've never come this way before." Other nun says, "Neither have I. It's probably the cobbles."
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Old 02-11-08, 10:14 AM
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Originally Posted by magicant View Post
Here's my favorite bicycle joke:

Two nuns riding down a cobbled road on bicycles. First one says to the other, "I've never come this way before." Other nun says, "Neither have I. It's probably the cobbles."


yuck yuck one of my favorites, too. It was too dirty to make the list, I guess...
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Old 02-11-08, 06:00 PM
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Instead of a bike joke, how about a bike that is a joke?

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