Buckeye

Hi all. I am sure there are probably some of you out there that have been in the shoes I am in but unfortunately, I lost my stoker due to the ending of our marriage. As part of our separation agreement however, I kept the tandem. So, I am hoping someday to find someone who loves cycling as much as I. So, for any of you out there with some experience in this area, what is the best way to get the word out there that I am looking for a stoker now? I still have my "half bike" I ride but I have to admit I miss riding the tandem. Not looking for anything more than that as this point - I still have to "find myself" again. Obviously I would rather have a female stoker. Any ideas on how to get the word out? Like I said, somewhere down the road this will be a good "date" thing but for now, I am just looking for the enjoyment riding the tandem brings. So, any suggestions would be appreciated! Thanks!

Doggus

Sorry to hear...but as a veteran of one divorce myself...you won't give a damn in 2-5 years (I didn't give a rip after 3 months) anyway, so:

ride in your local group rides. Spec out those calves and thighs and decide on which one would look best on your tandem and go for her!!!

chipcom 

You might try the ride partners forum, maybe an ad on craigslist, and heck, why not some personals like match.com or whatever. I'd also get out on some organized rides, if you have another bike...great way to meet folks with similar interests who also know other folks, etc, etc.

stapfam

You realise of course that Stokers don't hang around on bushes- waiting to be picked.They have to be trained- and in in the meantime -so do you. A stoker has to enjoy cycling so probably already rides- they then have to give up control To the pilot- that they do not know. Similarly the pilot now has to change the effort he puts in- the cadence and possibly the control of the bike to the stoker- Not the physical controls- but "BRAKE NOW", Change gear now- Time for a rest etc. Not easy so good luck

gregm

...so how will the other riders know you have a tandem? Just ride it solo on organized rides, that'll get the word out.

Ride it around town, ride it to work, talk to people, invite them to stoke.

Take spinning classes -- you can find people who can spin, but don't have a bike. Perfect.

Got a tandem? Don't hide it, flaunt it. Good luck!

-Greg

chipcom 

I figured talking to them would work...but what you said works too.

galen_52657

OK...this is what you do...

Search for touring clubs in your area that host weekend tours that include lodging and all that. Sign up and pay for the tour. Show up with your single and your tandem. There are usually several unattached females at these types of functions. Plus booze and food is usually included in the price.

Could get lucky....and even if you don't you can still ride your single bike and have a good time!

Leisesturm

Hmm... you must know this will not be easy unless you do it the way that was suggested by chipcom. I managed to ride a good many years without meeting many women that were much into cycling. Those few that were any good at it had absolutely no desire to be stuck onto the back of tandem. Didn't matter since I wasn't particularly interested in tandemming. The answer can never be known but I seriously doubt if my present partner and the only person I have ever shared a tandem with would have been interested in one had she been born with sight. Seems to me that in order to find a sighted woman that will want to do that for you she will have to be in love with you first. In other words... you don't sound up for that just yet so... But of all the methods that have been discussed I really think the ones that have a prayer are the ones that involve the Internet and a personals or classified ad site. There may be an ex-wife out there who's lost her captain...

H

zonatandem

Two workable/proven suggestions:
Put ad in local bike club newsletter: female tandem stoker wanter.
Put sign on back of tandem "Help Wanted!" and show up for the next few club rides. You can always ride tandem solo, but likely you'll get a stoker . . . it may not always be a female, but then maybe next time . . .

galen_52657

I would not agree with this assessment. When I purchased my tandem I was not 'settled' (as I am now with my girlfriend) and had no problem finding stokers. In fact, I had offers to stoke from two very accomplished female cyclists and took them both up on it. Longest and hardest ride I have done yet on my tandem was with one of those women - 75 mile through the Catoctin mountains west of Frederick, MD. All you have to do is get the word out (assuming you associate with lots of other cyclists) and talk it up at group rides.

Plenty of women would love to have somebody steer and brake for them...so all they have to do is pedal and look at the scenery....!

Olebiker

When a friend of mine was in the same situation someone mentioned to him that they knew a blind lady who wanted to ride a bicycle. Rick met her and taught her to ride as his stoker. She turned out to be the sweetest lady in the world and quite the hammer on the back of that tandem. They were married recently.

frankieN

Hey Buckeye: Two years ago my wife and I of ten years separated. My ex did not ride a bike. I moved into an apartment to "find myself" and my next door neighbor was a beautiful Venezuelan woman who rides! We now live together, have been on two multi-day tours, and bought a tandem. We're looking forward to our first tour on the tandem. Things will get better my friend and good luck on finding that stoker! Godspeed to you

Buckeye

Hi all. My thanks to all who replied. Some very interesting suggestions there. I will have to mull them over and figure out which ones to try first. I also appreciated the encouraging words as well. This has been the most difficult time. But getting out on a bike seems to help put all those things aside for awhile.....
Anyway, thanks so much and I will keep you all posted if things change and how they changed. I hope I have some neat stories like some of you have shared! See you on the road!

Brian

Hey, I met Missus Expatriate on Matchmaker.com, and I wasn't even looking for anything more than a penpal. But it looks like you've already gotten several other good suggestions.

I am a bit surprised that Chipcom didn't suggest the blind woman thing first - with his mug, he'd consider vision-impairment a plus!

lhbernhardt

Some advice on stokers from my experience:

I've had five girlfriends in the past ten years, and all but one just loved riding the back of my tandem, and that was because I never asked her. And only one of the four who loved riding was already an accomplished cyclist. I think it helps if your stoker is a relatively inexperienced cyclist. Experienced cyclists generally either don't like to give up control, or will feel uncomfortable without brake levers or with holding onto bars that don't turn. I think it's easier training a stoker from scratch than trying to get her to unlearn ingrained habits (which could be counterproductive from the back of a tandem), although the power of a trained cyclist in back can be awesome, like having the turbo cutting in; plus inexperienced cyclists usually don't like to spin at 90 to 100 rpm, but this can be developed gradually, just like you did years ago.

My recommended approach is to go for the relationship first, and then see if she wants to stoke the tandem. Women who enjoy outdoor stuff, walking and hiking especially, seem to also like tandeming and cross country skiing. The other common trait I've found is that they like to go to operas (note: my preference is for women over 40). So if you want to start new relationships, my strategy would be to buy two season tickets to your local opera company. This then forces you to find a partner to go to the opera with. It won't be hard. Good luck.

Opera and cycling, what could be more natural?

- Luis

Buckeye

Hey Luis, I like your ideas! You made some pretty good points there. As for the opera, I am not sure on that idea but hey, since I am in the over 40 range, I get the idea you are trying to get across. Thanks again!

Buckeye

I will definitely keep the "matchmaker.com" idea there when I am ready to go that step. I am surprised Chipcom let that comment slide - no reply yet from him.

Richbiker

Hey Buckeye, sorry to hear about your breakup. Same happened to me. My ex-stoker was definitely not into the biking thing, though I have to give her credit for trying. Last year I built up a new ti road tandem. I was pulling it out of my building to go meet someone for a ride, when a neighbor asked me why I built that and didn't have a significant other to ride it with. I smiled and replied, "If you build it, they will come." I then asked if she'd like to take a spin sometime, and she laughed and turned me down.

But I've had no problems meeting women willing to stoke, and to go out on dates. My local bike club has been a good source of female cycling partners. There is also a local organization of blind athletes, and some of these women can really hammer. So I haven't found a permanent stoker yet, but plenty of "temporary" ones willing to stoke if I call them up and ask. And that's fun too.

Rich (cornhusker)

Neill

How unreasonable was I? I had this fantasy that I'd find a divorcee or widow who had a tandem and was looking for a captain. I guess if it's her bike, and she was captain I'd stoke, but even I recognized that was an unlikely find.

So, any women tandem owners looking for a riding partner in the Phoenix area? What the heck, if you don't ask they won't respond!

ElRey

one divorce, one divorce!!! I been divorced 3 times!!!! All things change in Life. Just that some folks don't change with them.

Take the tandem to a local club ride and ride it alone. You'll get offers. Like taking yer dog to the park for a walk.

galen_52657

And why doesn't this surprise me........???

Richbiker

Hey Buckeye,
I'm still single, but have no problem finding attractive, athletic female stokers who are fun to ride with.

How do I meet stokers?
-I'm pretty involved in the bike scene locally. I go on club rides. I teach basic bike skills classes to adults (90% of the participants in these classes are women). We chat, get to know each other a little. If I like the person, I mention that I have a tandem, and ask if they'd be interested in going for a ride sometime. If they answer positively, we set up a tandem date.

How do I *NOT* meet stokers?
-I don't post ads on craigslist, etc. I tried it once and got no responses.
-I don't take the tandem solo on club rides / events with a "stoker needed" sign.

It's all conversation, word of mouth, meeting women, getting to know them a little, and then bringing up the tandem in the conversation.

Last year I dated someone who swore she would never get on a tandem. That is, until she heard me talking about all the other nice women who had taken a ride with me. Then, she wanted to know when she was going to get to try it out. So we had a nice ride together. Ultimately it didn't work out between us (thank goodness), but it sorta shows how easy it is to generate interest among women who are potential stokers/dates/mates.

Rich

ElRey

I have very high standards.

Buckeye

Hey Rich,

Thanks for the feedback. I like your ideas. Hopefully it pans out sometime for me. Buckeye

8bit

I'll second the suggestion upthread to ask among local blind groups to see if anybody wants to ride. I used to live in Austin, where there was a large school for the blind and they were always looking for tandem captains. Some of the races even had a tandem-with-blind-stoker category and those looked like a blast. That would be a nice, no-pressure way to go for tandem rides, and I'm pretty sure that your stoker would appreciate it!