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Anyone ever had problems with touring-mates? Had to go on alone? What to do?

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Anyone ever had problems with touring-mates? Had to go on alone? What to do?

Old 11-21-16, 09:42 PM
  #1  
floyd0117
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Anyone ever had problems with touring-mates? Had to go on alone? What to do?

My roommate and I have been planning a month-long tour for nearly 2.5 years now ("planning" as in; seriously discussing it, building out bikes for it, buying lots of gear, looking at specific routes and dates, etc.) We are dead set on going, or at least have been.

Our fall quarter just ended at university, and it looks like my roommate is on track to fail his Physics class. Meaning that he has already taken his final, and has done poorly all quarter, he's just waiting to get his scores back. If he did indeed fail, then he has to take the class over the summer. Which would overlap entirely with our tour dates. I am a Physics major, so this frustrates me very much, as he hardly came to me for help, and he didn't seem to care he was failing.

The question; do I go without him? He's saying that he would be disappointed if I did, but I feel like it makes no sense for me to not still go if I can. We have talked about rescheduling, but I'll be starting a job that I have lined up, and have no idea if I will have a flexible schedule. Plus we have been planning this so long, it angers me to think about rescheduling. I have planned like the next 8 months of my life around the placement of this tour on my calendar. Also, perhaps most importantly, I love the trail and want to go, BADLY.

Anyone ever been in a similar situation? What would you do?
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Old 11-21-16, 09:52 PM
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Plans change. They always have... and always will. It's not all bad. You can never know what is going to happen while you were planning on something else happening.

Tour alone, find a new tour mate, or do something else. Keep making plans and keep accepting that things will change.
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Old 11-21-16, 09:55 PM
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Go forth! Even if he was able to go with you, you can't be sure he wouldn't crap out after a few days or weeks. Being flexible is pretty darned necessary when you tour. I have completed 6 short (1-3 week) tours all solo and have met some pretty interesting people along the way. Being alone makes you open to convo and such with strangers, as opposed to touring with others. Look at the bright side. You won't have to put every decision before committee. Go as far or short as you want. Stop when you want. More freedom, if you are into that. This is adventure and a change of plans is just a part of it.
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Old 11-21-16, 11:38 PM
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Wait a few weeks to see if your mate actually failed the class. If he passed, no problem and you'll be glad you didn't make a big deal out of it. If he failed and can't go on the trip, then you'll have to make the call, but I'd go on the trip. Don't let other people control your destiny, especially when they appear to be trying to hold you back from something just because they can't do it.

Touring with a partner is fun. Touring solo is also fun. I've done both and met many wonderful people while doing so. Ride without guilt no matter how this plays out. Also, there must be a week or two somewhere over the next year or so when you can do a shorter tour with your roommate. Make it happen if you can.

I did have one occasion on a tour where I wanted to go my separate way from a touring partner. Unfortunately, it was the first long trip my wife and I took on our first tandem, so I had to shut down my childish tantrum and get on with it. I think I was just hungry and tired, but my memory isn't what it used to be. That was twenty-seven years ago and we've ridden many hundreds of thousands of miles together since.
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Old 11-21-16, 11:52 PM
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Plan to go ... don't let a college roommate hold you back. If he really wanted to go, he would have found a way to go. Or maybe he still will find a way.
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Old 11-22-16, 12:38 AM
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If he can't go, he can't go. Just go for it IMHO.
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Old 11-22-16, 04:41 AM
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Originally Posted by floyd0117 View Post
My roommate and I ...blahblahblah....What would you do?
at the risk of sounding perfectly deplorable..........grow up.
put your big boy pants on!

you're what, 20 years old? supposed to be an adult.
fitty-some years ago kids yer age were storming normandy,
nowadays ya gotta crowd-source what color undies you should wear?

he's a college roommate for FSM's sake!
just go, he'll get over it.

and if by some crazy coincidence you ever meet again,
you'll laugh about it while he busses your table.
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Old 11-22-16, 07:46 AM
  #8  
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I had a similar situation. A workmate and I planned a cycling trip up Vancouver Island,
tour Haidi Gwaii , and then through British Columbia's mainland back to Vancouver. It
was our first long trip. He bailed out just before our departure but I went anyway. I had
a fantastic trip solo, and after listening to my adventure, he rode with me down the Pacific
Coast from Vancouver to south of San Francisco the next year, and then 2 years later,
down the Alaskan Hwy. I say go.
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Old 11-22-16, 08:31 AM
  #9  
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Well it's not exactly a great way to start a tour if you have doubts blow this guy out he will wreck your head believe me i know .
once you hit the road SOLO your guilt trip will only last a few miles .
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Old 11-22-16, 08:31 AM
  #10  
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Seems like a no-brainer to me.
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Old 11-22-16, 08:44 AM
  #11  
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If YOU are ready to go and YOU have the time to go, then YOU should go. If your roomie can come, all the better, but don't let his lack of commitment drag the both of you down. If his failing a class causes both of you to miss the trip then he has failed both of you and not just himself.
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Old 11-22-16, 09:06 AM
  #12  
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In college, I had a motorcycle trip around the Great Lakes lined up with a buddy. I skipped out on a backpacking trip to Isle Royale with a few others to do it. A week before the trip, the buddy's girlfriend decided she didn't want him to go, and he decided to cancel.

I'm still bitter I didn't just go by myself, and wound up missing out on both trips. I'd go. Not your fault he failed his class, it is not fair to you to miss out on something you want to do because of his actions. Tell him you'll go next time with him, if your schedule and life allows it. If he expects you to be understanding, he should be as well.

Of course, as others have mentioned, don't bring it up until you actually know he failed, and that this is the only option.
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Old 11-22-16, 10:00 AM
  #13  
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I was Long Out of Uni, before I could budget the tours I went on . went to school on GI bill after 4 years in Navy ..

An Only Child & I did Camping while in the boy scouts as a kid, so was somewhat self reliant ..







Last edited by fietsbob; 11-22-16 at 05:25 PM.
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Old 11-22-16, 10:19 AM
  #14  
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You should stay and help your roommate pass physics. It's the right thing to do. If you go, think how bad you will feel knowing you were so selfish and uncaring. It will likely ruin your trip anyway, being wracked with guilt the whole time.
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Old 11-22-16, 10:25 AM
  #15  
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Originally Posted by alan s View Post
You should stay and help your roommate pass physics.

This whole mess would have been avoided if the OP had taken the exam for his roomie. That's what a true friend would have done. friends don't let friends fail physics.
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Old 11-22-16, 10:36 AM
  #16  
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Originally Posted by saddlesores View Post
for FSM's sake!
Flying Spaghetti Monster?
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Old 11-22-16, 10:40 AM
  #17  
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Mr Floyd, you didnt mention at all where the trip is planned.

Is it biking through outer Mongolia or riding down the west coast of the States? You realize the reason I ask is completely from a logistical point of view, if your trip plans are in a developed country with more or less regular access to towns, campgrounds, stores etc, then its not an issue. If it is somewhere where security and whatnot is more of an issue, then that's another thing.

Put it this way, travelling on your own is a lot of fun also, and your interactions with folks is diff when alone, in a good way. I certainly found this when heading off on my own at roughly your age, many moons ago.
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Old 11-22-16, 11:11 AM
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Originally Posted by Machka View Post
Plan to go ... don't let a college roommate hold you back. If he really wanted to go, he would have found a way to go. Or maybe he still will find a way.
This. Just go.
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Old 11-22-16, 12:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Seizedpost View Post
Flying Spaghetti Monster?
Close. Flying Spaghetti Monkey.
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Old 11-22-16, 12:38 PM
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Seeing you already have your vacation/job dates/plans lined up, I'd just go solo and tell him you'll go again when, and if, you both can line-up a new date.

In my experience though, is too much pre-planning/pre-conversation with a partner usually leads to disappointment during the event when things don't pan out exactly as you both have invisioned. I personally think this is a good thing.
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Old 11-22-16, 01:01 PM
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Originally Posted by saddlesores View Post
at the risk of sounding perfectly deplorable..........grow up.
put your big boy pants on!

you're what, 20 years old? supposed to be an adult.
fitty-some years ago kids yer age were storming normandy,
nowadays ya gotta crowd-source what color undies you should wear?

he's a college roommate for FSM's sake!
just go, he'll get over it.

and if by some crazy coincidence you ever meet again,
you'll laugh about it while he busses your table.
I dont know why I specified that he is simply my roommate, but he's also been my best friend for 15 years. Not some randomly assigned roommate I'll never see again. And I'm more than comfortable to ride and camp solo. We've just been planning this whole thing together for so long.
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Old 11-22-16, 01:03 PM
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Originally Posted by djb View Post
Mr Floyd, you didnt mention at all where the trip is planned.

Is it biking through outer Mongolia or riding down the west coast of the States? You realize the reason I ask is completely from a logistical point of view, if your trip plans are in a developed country with more or less regular access to towns, campgrounds, stores etc, then its not an issue. If it is somewhere where security and whatnot is more of an issue, then that's another thing.
It's around there perimeter of lake michigan. We live in chicago
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Old 11-22-16, 01:05 PM
  #23  
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Originally Posted by alan s View Post
You should stay and help your roommate pass physics. It's the right thing to do. If you go, think how bad you will feel knowing you were so selfish and uncaring. It will likely ruin your trip anyway, being wracked with guilt the whole time.
Like I said, the class is already over. He's just waiting to get his grades, there is nothing I can do. And I think the regret of not going would top the guilt of going.
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Old 11-22-16, 01:07 PM
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Originally Posted by Wilfred Laurier View Post
If YOU are ready to go and YOU have the time to go, then YOU should go. If your roomie can come, all the better, but don't let his lack of commitment drag the both of you down. If his failing a class causes both of you to miss the trip then he has failed both of you and not just himself.
This is exactly how I feel.

Thanks everyone for the replies. You for the most part said exactly what I expected. I do agree that if he really wanted to go, he'd find a way. I must go, no matter what.
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Old 11-22-16, 01:10 PM
  #25  
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Plenty of Years of summers ahead of you .. do you really need someone to help you do this trip?
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