What happened to my tour?
 

It’s been 2 months since I’ve returned to N. Carolina and it has not been the easiest 2 months. For those of you who don’t know, I had planned on cycling around the world for a couple of years. Needless to say, it didn’t happen. I’ve been depressed, fallen back into some habits, and have had a hard time just getting out of bed—but I’m getting better. I’m not back to normal, but I am getting there. I actually got on my bike this past weekend, which is the first time since I’ve been back. Why am I telling this to an internet forum? I’m not really sure. Mybe because some of you will understand? Maybe it’s part of the process of getting over the failure of not carrying out a tour that I had my heart set on. It seemed like the most important thing I have tried to do and I failed. Maybe it’s because I am having thoughts of trying again? Is that crazy? When I got back, I felt like I owed people an explanation. I still don’t know if I do or don’t. I avoid people that I know if I see them walking towards me on the street so I don’t have to explain. Or if someone I know asks, I say, “Things just don’t always work out.” And I go on my way.

Anyway, I’ve been trying to figure out what went wrong. I’m still not entirely sure or maybe I’m not ready to admit it. I do know that I was lonely, but in retrospect, I think that could have changed or I would have gotten use to it. At least I keep telling myself that, and that I gave up too soon. On that note too, I’m not so sure I was ready to leave my girlfriend or my friends. The ironic thing is that that girl and I are no longer together and I haven’t really talked to any of my friends, go figure.

Another thing was that physically or mentally, I don’t think I was prepared, or I just set mileage goals too high at the start and that took its toll on me mentally and physically. Especially the mental. Why didn’t I just stop somewhere for a few days and adjust? I got depressed and that sounds insane to say, but I did. Who gets depressed when they have nothing to do but explore the world for 2 years? And when my bike computer broke, it completely f*ucked with me and I don’t know why.

I think I spend too much time worrying about making it to here and there instead of relaxing and realizing that it didn’t matter if I didn’t reach X-town by X-day. When you live on schedules (work and school) for X number of years, it is a hard thing, for me at least, to get rid of that idea of being somewhere and a specific time. Is that cultural? Personal?

I guess as time goes by, I’ll figure out more. All of these mistakes I made, I knew about and thought about before hand, but I still made them. I can’t believe I’m thinking about trying again, and when I do try again, I will not make a big deal out of it; I will quietly pedal away. Thanks for listening/reading. This forum is a great resource, keep it up.

wow man sounds like your having a hard time,listen my friend,life is but a bubble
you blow in ,then you blow out..ok the trip is on hold whats your hurry ,
start again relax take it easy ,,

The thing is thinking about bike touring can be completely different from the actual experience of bike touring. Just because you wanted to ride a bike around the world doesn't mean you'd actually enjoy the experience. Now that you've been on the road and have some actual data to ponder figure out what you really liked and what you didn't. See if there is a way to come up with a trip that would be fun for you.

Don't be afraid to come to the conclusion that a long distance bike tour isn't for you - that isn't a failure. A failure would be repeating past mistakes.

Personally I'd really try to have a tour partner if I was going to tour for a long time. I enjoy having some company on the road and it completely changes the nature of your tour. It might be that you are just not cut out for solo touring and would do fine with someone else to share the ups and downs of the road with.

I only vaguely recall your previous posts so forgive me if this is common knowledge....do you have a lot of bike touring experience or was this round the world tour your first real tour? If it was your first big tour then try a few shorter tours of a week or two so you can get your self sorted out. Once your done them you'll have better idea if you event want to ride around the world.

Lastly don't feel depressed about your plan not working out. You tried something ambitious and you should be proud of that regardless of the out come. Most people wouldn't get off the couch to change a channel on TV that didn't interest them if they couldn't find a remote close at hand.

First. I admire the fact that you had the guts to try.

How many of us dream of doing something huge, whether it's a big tour, or hiking the Appelachian Trail, or climbing some peak, or getting some doctorate degree and never step out of our comfort zone long enough to give it a shot?

Second. Look at how much you learned. Look at the things you would do differently this time around. You now realize there are some things that are going to drop out of the blue, whether it's a busted computer, or a wreck, or a typhoon, and allow extra time, and patience for these crummy things. Some of these problems could be used as opportunities.

You also know, I'm sure, that it's the "journey, not the destination that matters." I don't know who came up with that quote, but it's pretty smart and relates to a lot of things in life. So enjoy the ride, and don't beat yourself up for attempting to do something great. I hope you can go back out with a new attitude, and vision, and kick some butt, and mostly have fun. Because that's what any bike tour should be about. Though it's easy to forget sometimes.

Think it through before you go. You will definitely want to make some adjustments. What they are is entirely your choice. I wish you the best of luck. And I hope to see you post some updates on your progress before and after your departure.

-Al

How far did you go?
Might as well tell the tale you have already written than languish over the unwritten one.

Hi Eric,

I am glad to see you back on here. We had both hoped to meet up with you en route and were sorry to hear things didn't go as planned, to say the least. Maybe I can start by saying I think even attempting to do such a big trip on your own was incredibly brave. You know we are trying to do a big trip too, and every day I thank my lucky stars that I have a riding partner. It makes such a difference to your morale, having someone to talk to as you go up the big hills or when it rains for days on end. Not that you can't do it on your own, but you really have to be so much tougher, I think. So much admiration from me for even having a go at the "big one" on your own.

I don't think it's crazy to think of trying again. How many great dreams are achieved on the first try? Not so many. Don't be so hard on yourself. It looks like you are already on the right track, marking out some of the things that went wrong the first time.

>Another thing was that physically or mentally, I don’t think I was prepared, or I just set mileage goals too high at the >start and that took its toll on me mentally and physically.

This must be a very common thing. It happened to us and took us quite a few months to slow down. I think at least 6 months to get out of the work-home routine mindset. A few weeks ago we met a Dutch cyclist in a campground who was depressed and quitting his planned 5-week tour after less than a week. He was upset with himself because he felt **** after doing a 120km day on a really hot summer day without stopping for food once! Well.... yeah, that would probably make anyone feel crappy but he thought he "should" be able to do it.

Anyway, that's enough from me. If you need a listening ear, drop an email. And if you want to join us in the Middle East.... ;)

Uhm, since when is riding around the world sane to begin with....?


Random strangers, no. Friends and family, yes.

Or, to be more practical: anyone you bump into on a regular basis isn't going to stop being curious about what happened just because you don't want to explain it. You might as well just get it over with.


Dude. I'm sure you will get many sensitive and sympathetic posts, and maybe they'll make you feel better.

But seriously. SNAP OUT OF IT.

You had big ambitions, you tried, turns out you weren't ready. Happens all the time. You have nothing to be ashamed of, especially if the "shamer" has been sitting on his or her ass and watching "American Idol" instead of challenging themselves. Quit moping and get on with your life.

If you want to tour, then cut the hang-dog act, get on your bike and ride. Go wherever you want, for as short or as long as you want.

If you don't want to tour, then don't tour. It's not for everyone, and 90% of the gear you bought for the trip can be used for regular biking, hiking, camping and so forth.

I can relate to your situation completely -- I've been there. Don't be in a complete hurry to snap out of it -- I have a feeling that what feels like a tremendous failure right now is going to seem like a tremendous learning experience soon. As long as it doesn't completely pain or paralyze you, I think it's OK to keep dwelling on what happened to your plans and what it all means to you.

I was on a tour in a roughly comparable state of mind one time and decided that the thing to do if I was unhappy and exasperated and not sure why I was doing what I was doing was just to stop where I was and wait until I had enough positive energy to move on. I stayed in some odd places, didn't move too many miles for about a week, and felt pretty depressed at times, but building the patience to wait while I worked things through turned out to be extremely valuable.

Can you get on the bike and to an unambitious week's tour locally, just to rediscover the meditative frame of mind that's eluding you? The Outer Banks are a fantastic place for an aimless, unambitious, unplanned tour . . .

Before I started my Southern Tier tour, earlier this year, I had some serious reservations. I wanted to do it all alone, but I was concerned mostly about lonliness and my personal toughness in dealing with the elements, etc. As it turned out, I did complete it solo, and I did miss my wife quite a bit, but I was so busy with the experience that I still very much enjoyed it. Why? Mostly, the people I met! I went out of my way to meet people and socialize as much as possible. I didn't set any specific distance goals. If I had good wind and good roads and I wanted to boogie, I did. If, for other reasons, I didn't care to put in big miles, I didn't. It was my tour and I did it at my pace.

The bottom line for me was (as Aloyzus pointed out), the journey, not the destination that mattered. For me, It took about a month to "settle in," and after awhile, you may just wonder how you will adapt to the non-touring lifestyle. It took me awhile to get comfortable back in this world. I sure do miss touring.

Just some of my thoughts. Hope they help motivate you and give you some reasons to try again, perhaps with a better attitude.

OK this is going to be one of those sympathetic or whatever posts so skip it if you can't deal with it.

It can be really, really hard to "snap out of it". Sometimes you know what you need to do but can't. Sometimes you know some actions are self-destructive, but you do them anyway because there is some comfort in them.

Maybe this dosen't apply to you, in which case - sure, snap out of it, get things back on track, deal with the disappointment of your plans not working out. Maybe it is just the physical strain of the tour coupled with the stress of not doing it. Yes, next time be a little more relaxed and ditch the goals, make it more of a fun way to travel rather than a challenge to be met.

However, if you really are depressed, face it and get some help. If you're only coping by avoiding life and falling into old habits, then you're not really coping.

Do you really want to tour, or do you want to escape from "real life" for a while? Bike touring is a good way to do that, but it can also become an excuse or a justification for avoiding other things, in which case you can pretty quickly find that it dosen't fill the gap.

Eric

Simply by posting this here shows that you are on the way to helping yourself.
No-one can say anything that is going to help really.

Sometimes we have to realise that reality does not meet our expectations and plans do have to be put on hold.

I was hoping that you would have come here after your Ireland leg and we could have chewed the fat, and just maybe drunk a few.

glad to hear you are OK.


george

Eric, great post, and a breath of honesty.

I'm sorry things didn't work out -I hope things are slowly but surely getting back on track (get out of those old habits!) and you are cycling again for yourself. It would be interesting if you followed this up with a post detailing all your successes and what didn't go to plan and why you thought that.

Good luck in the future, and I hope you post again soon.

well eric,so you thought you were alone in the world,,
well if your reading all this,,your not alone
keep the faith (he said)and get your ass back on the saddle.

Sounds like a bit of a funk.

Here's something that I learned from a pretty insightful person: depressive thoughts can be shaken off and replaced with other thoughts, and other types of thinking.

If you want to do it, it can be done, and it isn't even very difficult.

There is something related to this called 'thought replacement therapy.'

There are thousands of possible thoughts, and types of thoughts.

Sometimes you can get on a roll, and thoughts of a certain type are dwelled upon.

It's up to you, but you can try it if you wish: try thinking other thoughts. Whenever one of the (often repetitive) depressing thoughts arrives, be aware and replace it with another thought and another type of thought.

Thoughts often have a sort of energy to them, a sort of music. You can drop them, or switch them, or simply not engage them or believe in them. There are many ways of freeing yourself from them.

***
The right kind of music can help. Some vigorous exercise also.

***
One other thing: overeating can contribute to a funk quite a bit. Lighter foods in the right quantities can help things along.

***
It also helps a lot to find some humor in it. And (if you ever feel a need to explain yourself to someone -- which is not really necessary -- you can just say that you don't feel like talking about it -- but if you are inclined to explain) it helps to find some humorous explanation. There are many possibilities.

"What does not kill him, makes him stronger."
-Friedrich Nietzsche

I'll have to chime in as well, Eric, in that you tried and absolutely no shame.

You're thinking about another try? Fantastic! You'll be better prepared both mentally and physically.

I'll say this for ya.....you got some grit, guy!:D

You are faced with a massive "failure" only because you over-reached and over-announced. Your actual experience is probably pretty typical of first experiences. Next time under-announce and set yourself smaller goals that will add up to a world tour if you want to take it that far, but are not collapses if you stop enjoying the thing.

Why not just cycle across the US which is a pretty modest goal these days, then hop the pond if you are still enjoying yourself. Focus on staying happy and comfortable every day. Listen to what makes you happy. A person can deal with a day away from their friends, but if you get lonely, sore, tired, etc... and then project that over 2 years, few people would have the courage for that much privation.

"I will not make a big deal out of it; I will quietly pedal away". Just saw that, there you go, only yourself to please.

One of the smartest things I have heard. You are touching an issue that we all should be aware of.
Tnx

Load the bike up and make some practice rides out in various directions, maybe even stretch them to a few days everynow and again, then one day just keep going and don't look back. I had a buddy do that with his sailboat. He made a big deal out of wanting to sail around the world. He took off and within a month was back at the dock, about 6 months later he went out for a long weekend and next thing we knew we got a post card from Bermuda, then the Bahamas and off he went.

Good Luck on what ever you decide to do. Touring isn't for everyone, but only you can tell that for yourself.

Aaron:)

All those stupid millage !
day 1 120.6 km
day 2 139.4 km
.
.
.
day ...

This is not a tour, this is tour de france !

day 1 leaving home, just went to the hill that I love before I go, its not in the direction, but its for the heart.
day 2 stopped to enjoy the beauty of my home town. I'm very close, but the surrounding is beautiful.
day 3 today I'm searching for fruit trees.
...
...
...

This is a tour.
Going on a tour is for the heart and sole. Every one should go and take the time to learn what he likes.

I think you should feel happy that your bike computer broke, because it would just make you miserable
if you actually went on a tour.
From your post I can see that you already have some answers, this means that you do care and learn from mistakes, which most people don't.
I do think from other people posts and what you wrote, that you already committed yourself to people and talked about meeting them at the road. This probably made you fill stress not be able to stand for your commitments.
Over calculating is bad from my point of view. Take an arrow, mark a direction, and go. At the road adjust yourself. Living the terrain is far more heavy then imagining it in your mind or Google earth. The agility of the tour, its what makes it vibrate.
My guess is that your are a Gemini, and your are now at sin(3/4 pi) . Just be ready and prepare yourself for the peak that will come soon, and then act.
As for going out from the dipression, lot of sports, lite food as said before and meat freinds. If this hard for you, consoulting a doctor can help. Some medication for a short period will do the trick.
I would not quit my dreams, but you really need to check if it is your dream!

HA! My first 'tour' in 1975 I talked a big story to all my friends before I left, then came back after one night with my tail between my legs because I was afraid of the dark! (p.s. i was 22).


roughstuff

One of the wisest things anyone ever said to me about cycle touring is, "You don't have to prove anything."

If you're out to prove a point, to earn bragging rights or to outdo someone else's accomplishments, you're touring for the wrong reasons. You might finish your tour or you might abandon it, but no matter what, you won't have good memories of the tour.

On the other hand, if you're touring because you love cycling, because you want to see the world at a slow, relaxed pace or because you feel more alive when touring than when doing anything else, you've got the right idea. Long after you've finished your trip, you'll look back and smile as you reflect on it.

Take some time to think about what when right and what went wrong on this trip. Think about when you were happiest and when you were most frustrated. Then plan for the next trip, learning from this last one.

Next time you tour, whether it's around the world, across your country or on the back roads of your state, you'll have a much better experience.

In that case I think I just pulled off a four month tour de france, lol
Those were my average mileages for the whole trip, although I still did have a great time!
Doing it solo at times was tough on me, especially during the hard days

"If you're out to prove a point, to earn bragging rights or to outdo someone else's accomplishments, you're touring for the wrong reasons."

It is also the wrong sport. The guy who cycled to Everest then climbed it, that might be bragging rights. Cycling around the world is something retired people do. Which isn't to say it isn't worth doing, but it is kinda an adventrure sport for people not quite up to a real adventure, though as in real estate, location location. "Your" granny might still be impressed.

I thought about you when putting those millage ;)