Go Back  Bike Forums > Bike Forums > Touring
Reload this Page >

Should I take Charles Bronson on tour?

Notices
Touring Have a dream to ride a bike across your state, across the country, or around the world? Self-contained or fully supported? Trade ideas, adventures, and more in our bicycle touring forum.

Should I take Charles Bronson on tour?

Old 03-14-08, 12:04 PM
  #1  
Senior Member
Thread Starter
 
john bono's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 732
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 1 Time in 1 Post
Should I take Charles Bronson on tour?

Well, I've been reading, and I've been worried about being accosted while on tour this year, and I'll need help clear a campsite for me, so I thought I'd need some sort of protection while on tour. At first, I thought "machete", but that's obviously too controversial. So I thought of some alternatives to take on tour:

First choice: Charles Bronson. Pros: Carries a huge .475 mag(Death Wish). Actually did some camping wilderness stuff(Death Hunt), so should be able to clear a path. Cons: Being dead, not a very good stoker on a tandem.

Second Choice: Chuck Norris. Pros: Can clear a forest with one roundhouse kick. Has tears that can cure cancer. Actually beat Bruce Lee(for a little while). Cons: Will spend every night in a campsite hawking the Total Gym and Mike Huckabee.

Third Choice: Fat man/Little Boy. Pros: Can clear a nice comfortable 3 square mile campsite. Cons:Threatening redneck pickup drivers with mutually assured destruction is overkill.

Fourth Choice: Steven Sagall. Pros: Willing to fight dirty. Cons: Has less personality than the dead Charles Bronson.

Any ideas on who/what I should take on tour to be safe?
john bono is offline  
Old 03-14-08, 12:16 PM
  #2  
Commuter
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 27

Bikes: Miyata 310, Rocky Mountain Sherpa, Nishika Landau

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
How about Jackie Chan? Maybe a little past his prime, but at least he will be humorous, plus he can probably do lots of crazy moves in, on, and around your bike! Maybe jump through the diamond for a finishing kick or something!
SSmith is offline  
Old 03-14-08, 12:22 PM
  #3  
Spelling Snob
 
Hobartlemagne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Plano, Texas
Posts: 2,862

Bikes: Panasonic DX4000, Bianchi Pista

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 2 Times in 1 Post
Just call in a napalm strike and you'll have a clear campsite delivered by air.
__________________

The first rule of flats is You don't talk about flats!
Hobartlemagne is offline  
Old 03-14-08, 03:52 PM
  #4  
jwa
moron
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 287
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Originally Posted by Hobartlemagne
Just call in a napalm strike and you'll have a clear campsite delivered by air.
... perfect for stealth camping.
jwa is offline  
Old 03-14-08, 03:59 PM
  #5  
Senior Member
 
late's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Southern Maine
Posts: 8,941
Mentioned: 129 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 12179 Post(s)
Liked 1,490 Times in 1,103 Posts
Dr Strangelove..
late is offline  
Old 03-14-08, 05:16 PM
  #6  
W A N T E D
 
Juggler2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 495
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
I think the first thing you need to get is a sense of humor.
Juggler2 is offline  
Old 03-14-08, 05:54 PM
  #7  
Training Wheel Graduate
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: San Juan/Gulf Islands
Posts: 499

Bikes: Bridgestone Grand Velo, Evans Randonneur (custom), Moser 51.151, Surly LHT & Pacer, Kona/FreeRadical, Trek 730, Trek 510

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Got to take Jet Li! He's small, light, but caries a hell of a whop. He's also fast enough to clear any site and strong enough to be a great stroker. And the bonus is that he doesn't talk too much.

Outside that I wouldn't take much more than some pepper spray, anything bigger and more lethal would probably be turned against you... at least that's what the statistics say.
twodeadpoets is offline  
Old 03-14-08, 09:53 PM
  #8  
cyclopath
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 149
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
What no one picked Rambo? He hunts, he talks funny and he clears camp sites with LAWS rockets

RCordone is offline  
Old 03-14-08, 10:21 PM
  #9  
Lone Star
 
Tex_Arcana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Houston, Tx.
Posts: 561
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Take my wife, PLEASE!
Tex_Arcana is offline  
Old 03-14-08, 10:51 PM
  #10  
Banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 5,115
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 2 Times in 1 Post
"Outside that I wouldn't take much more than some pepper spray, anything bigger and more lethal would probably be turned against you... at least that's what the statistics say."

Right, but immediately your accoster gets a hold of your lethal object the statistics clearly indicate you then turn it back against him, and so forth. Best thing since cold fusion.
NoReg is offline  
Old 03-15-08, 12:24 PM
  #11  
Senior Member
 
m_yates's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Rochester, NY
Posts: 634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 10 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
If this is an international tour, I would suggest Jason Bourne. He is indestructable, multilingual, and with him you will have no problems with passports and visas.

m_yates is offline  
Old 03-15-08, 01:06 PM
  #12  
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 521
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
batman! he has all the latest gadgets!
goldfishin is offline  
Old 03-15-08, 01:28 PM
  #13  
ALL PARTY
 
ryansexton's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 664

Bikes: Douglas Touring Cross Wise, Urbanite Fixed Gear

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Christopher Reeves!
ryansexton is offline  
Old 03-16-08, 12:46 AM
  #14  
Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 27
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
here i was hoping we were talking about charles bronson the band.
brendan rocks is offline  
Old 03-16-08, 08:05 AM
  #15  
The Improbable Bulk
 
Little Darwin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Wilkes-Barre, PA
Posts: 8,379

Bikes: Many

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 7 Times in 7 Posts
You should add Kwai Chang Caine to your list.

Pro: Always seeks a peaceful solution to a problem, and has alternative skills if necessary.

Con: Seems to always attract violent people to his vicinity.
__________________
Slow Ride Cyclists of NEPA

People do not seem to realize that their opinion of the world is also a confession of character.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Little Darwin is offline  
Old 03-16-08, 09:29 AM
  #16  
ALL PARTY
 
ryansexton's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada
Posts: 664

Bikes: Douglas Touring Cross Wise, Urbanite Fixed Gear

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Originally Posted by brendan rocks
here i was hoping we were talking about charles bronson the band.
Originally that was my first thought, but thats more of an BFSSFG thing.
ryansexton is offline  
Old 03-16-08, 07:31 PM
  #17  
Just ride it.
 
MrPolak's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 335
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Take Rambo. He already carries a controversial "machete".

MrPolak is offline  
Old 03-18-08, 06:29 AM
  #18  
Senior Member
 
classic1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 5,022
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Liked 4 Times in 2 Posts
Take Pammy Anderson. Make love, not war.
classic1 is offline  
Old 03-18-08, 08:34 AM
  #19  
Lone Star
 
Tex_Arcana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Houston, Tx.
Posts: 561
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Pam Anderson! Can you say hep C? She probably requires storage in a cool dry place to maintain all that plastic and silicone.
Tex_Arcana is offline  
Old 03-18-08, 03:20 PM
  #20  
Senior Member
 
lubers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 333

Bikes: Cannondale T800, Cannondale ST400, Trek 520

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Naw you don't need any of the above just take Mr. Gatling with you
__________________
Jeff

Trek 930
1988 Cannondale ST400
lubers is offline  
Old 03-18-08, 04:33 PM
  #21  
WATERFORD22
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Seattle
Posts: 509

Bikes: Bilenky, Co-Motion, 1969 Paramount, Waterford Adventure Cycle, Waterford rs 22, 1980 Davidson etc.

Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 0 Times in 0 Posts
You all laugh! Last year on the middle of my cross country trip I ran into a retired New Jersey cop riding 4 months solo unsupported in the middle of no where Texas and he had a 38 in a holster attached to his handlebars. Nice guy had been on the road for 3 months at the time. He started in New york and was headed to San Diego - I don't think he was a crazy, but was pretty matter a fact about the need for protection and he had been carrying a pistol in some fashion for almost 30 years.
vosyer is offline  
Old 03-19-08, 03:49 PM
  #22  
GATC
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: south Puget Sound
Posts: 8,728
Mentioned: 29 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 464 Post(s)
Liked 49 Times in 27 Posts
Roland The Headless Thompson Gunner!!
HardyWeinberg is offline  
Old 03-19-08, 05:50 PM
  #23  
Out fishing with Annie on his lap, a cigar in one hand and a ginger ale in the other, watching the sunset.
 
Tom Stormcrowe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: South Florida
Posts: 16,056

Bikes: Techna Wheelchair and a Sun EZ 3 Recumbent Trike

Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 9 Post(s)
Likes: 0
Liked 22 Times in 17 Posts
Lord Kalvan of Otherwhen?

__________________
. “He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you.”- Fredrick Nietzsche

"We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." - Immanuel Kant

Last edited by Tom Stormcrowe; 03-19-08 at 06:00 PM.
Tom Stormcrowe is offline  

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off


Thread Tools
Search this Thread

Contact Us - Archive - Advertising - Cookie Policy - Privacy Statement - Terms of Service -

Copyright © 2024 MH Sub I, LLC dba Internet Brands. All rights reserved. Use of this site indicates your consent to the Terms of Use.