one-headedboy

Hi everyone, I'm fairly new here. I'm supposed to be going on a tour next week, taking me from Buffalo, NY to Austin, TX. All my friends are really supportive of it, as was my job (who said they would hire me back in August), and most of my family. I have a big problem though. My grandparents (the two most important people in the world to me) are not happy about this. They're both old and think I'm going to be killed or run over or ***** or whatever. I really don't know what to say to them, honestly. My grandma basically just threatened me with "I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you for this." (I know that sounds harsh, but she means well. She really does care). Anyways, I'm not looking for anyone to like call them up and reassure them. I've already tried that. I've explained to them about the internet and this forum and all the great people on here who do ride tours, but they just won't accept it.

I'm not asking for anyone to tell me "oh do it anyways" or "screw them, they're old", but I'm sure some of you have been in this position with loved ones. Does anyone have any words of comfort I can share with them? How have you handled this sort of a problem? I know if I don't go on this tour, I will be upset with myself, but at the same time, I cannot go if they are not supportive of it. So please, help a cyclist out..

EjustE

Ok. Here is what you do: Tell them that you will call them every night before you are done for the night, take your cell phone and do it. I also hope that you are not doing it alone. If so, reinforce that fact to them before you go.

Good luck and enjoy your trek

LeeG

they aren't supportive of your trip. Therefore you cannot go.

OR you cut the umbilical cord and show up alive a few months down the line. They've probably lived through greater fears.

AdamDZ

Can you reason with them that this is REALLY important for you? You know, something that will make you happy? A dream? An adventure you're longing for? Show them some stories and pictures of all the happy cyclists on CGOAB.

kayakdiver

I don't envy your position. The best that you can do is talk to them about your dreams. I'm guessing that they had dreams when they where young. The biggest/best thing you can do is reassure them with a daily phone call. Involving them in the adventure as you go along. I'm betting that after a few weeks of this they will be your biggest cheer leaders. Once a day grab a post card and jot some little cool information on it and drop it in the mailbox.

I guess I'm saying that I've dealt with some of the same things... the unknown can be scary for parents and grandparents. The best you can do is include them in the adventure. Some of those in my family went from being freaked out to amazed and happy for me.

xyzzy834

I'm 50 years old and my 80 year old parents still worry about me when I'm touring (I tour solo). They don't try to stop me. They don't even express the wish I wouldn't do it out loud. I can just tell they worry about the same things your grandparents are worried about. It's not easy for them to understand, particularly my preference for solo touring.

Fortunately for me, my father uses email and the internet. I set up a twitter account for my tour and temp accounts for my father and wife. I subscribe my father's twitter account to my tour twitter account. I do the same for my wife's twitter account. Then I show them how to connect to their twitter accounts.

While I'm touring, I tweet brief status messages a few times a day from my cell phone. I usually call my wife each evening, but I don't want to have to call everyone on the planet who might be worried about me. The twitter tweets keep my parents very happy. They check them several times a day and they've told me afterward how much they enjoy seeing my status updates. Several friends of mine enjoyed following my twitter updates as well while I was touring. I'm not vain enough to believe everyone wants twitter updates when I'm not touring, so I only use it for touring status.

In your case, your grandparents may not be internet savvy. Maybe someone who is can relay some frequent status updates to them. It made all the difference in the world to my parents.

ploeg

We probably need some clarification about what your grandmother meant when she said "I don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you for this." I assume that's a direct quote. My mom worries about me when I'm on the road but she says stuff like "I'll be worried sick about you." Somebody who says something like "It would kill me if I heard that you were hurt" might be inordinately concerned about your safety, but that's still a pure expression of concern about you and your well being. "I can't forgive you for this" is different. If you don't know what your grandmother meant by that, you should ask her and talk it through.

Lanterne Rogue

Ask your grandparents: Is there anything you ever really wanted to do, but didn't? Why not? Did your own grandparents tell you not to chase a dream? How did that work out?

cyclokitty 

My mother worries herself into a lather basically everyday about my safety and I'm a year away from
40 years old. My cycling drives her spare but I tell her it's important to me and I love it a lot. I haven't gone on a bike tour yet (that's why I'm here, to learn for my first trip) but when the time comes, I picture tears and crying.

I'm going have to call her twice a day. That'll at least comfort her. I'll probably show her how to use email so maybe I can also email her.

Anyway you slice it, your grandparents are gonna worry about your safety. The best you can do is keep in touch with them. When you come home, they'll probably brag to their friends about their strong and brave grandson.

Lanterne Rogue

+1

Post a journal with photos of your trip on crazyguyonabike.com to let your grandparents track your progress. Show them the supportive comments you receive on CGOAB too.

leftcoast

I started touring when I was 50 and my whole family told me I was crazy, everytime I wasplanning at trip someone would try and talk me out of it, I never listen and just went. I have always come back and when I get home they all want to see my pictures.
You can't live your life to suit other people or you will be frusterated all the time. What are they going to do, divorce you? Their your Grandparents. "Just Do It"

staehpj1

In my experience promising that may be a very bad idea.

Accept that they aren't going to like it and will worry. You are very unlikely to change their minds. Explain that lots of folks do this and that it is a reasonably safe thing to do. Call them frequently.

Do not make promises that you might not be able to keep though. The suggestion that you promise to call them every night may well be a suggestion that you will not be able to keep. Not sure about your route, but I know that on my tours that calling has often just not been possible. Verizon has the best coverage in rural areas of the US but we were still often without a signal. You may not always be near pay phones either.

Arcanum

You probably can't really convince them of anything without actually doing it and failing to die. On the other hand, they'll get over it after you go and come back. Keep in touch as you're able, post pictures of your trip online as you go if you're able.

Regardless, don't let their ignorance dictate how you live your life.

Deathmobile

Hope it works out! I'm also leaving on tour from Buffalo next week, and if it might help I'd be okay with trying to help reassure them. I'm not the most reassuring person to a grandparent (22 years old), but I'm not the least either.

I don't know how much it would help with your situation, but if you think it might I'll be back in Buffalo on the 16th, probably until about Wednesday of that week. PM me if you'd like, or if not, I hope things work out regardless. Good luck!

indyfabz

Couldn't agree more. Your battery dies. You have no service in an area. The next thing you know they could be calling the authorities to report you missing.

Niles H.

Let them know that you will be touring safely -- taking low-traffic roads wherever possible, and avoiding high-traffic roads and times.

Let them know that it is not as dangerous as driving a car, in general.

Do they want you not to drive, or not to go out?

There are dangers everywhere, even at home.

Let them know that the freedom to do this is important to you, and that the happiness that goes with that freedom is in the interests of your quality of life -- and that the sorts of unhappiness that would come with not doing it have been correlated, by medical professionals, with depression, weakened resistance, lowered health, and shortened lifespans.

Let them know that your happiness should mean something to them, if they care about you. Maybe they haven't thought this part of it through yet -- but if they love you, they would want you to be enjoying life and living freely.

Let them know that this is important to you.

Maybe show them pictures of young people (and maybe also a wide variety of other people) touring, so it doesn't seem foreign and dangerous to them. People tend to be more comfortable with it when they gain more familiarity. Seeing the pictures might help.

BengeBoy 

I'm wondering what the grandparents of young people serving our country in Iraq or Afghanistan would think about your grandparents' "problem."

I don't mean to be harsh, but I'm wondering if they lack perspective on "the real world," and, as a result, you may not be able to solve their problem.

Weasel9

It sounds like your grandparents are set on not being supportive of your trip. From what you're saying, it sounds like there's little you can say or do to change their minds about that right now.

My two cents would be:
Tell them that you understand why they're concerned and that you're glad they care about you. Let them know that it isn't going to change your course of action, and you're going to have a fun trip to Texas and you really want to tell them all about it when you get back. You're an adult(I assume) and you have the ability to take care of yourself and make your own decisions. The fact that you've planned this trip shows that.

If your grandparents are concerned because they don't understand the dangers of touring, they will probably soften their opinions after you get home. They'll hear a million great stories and see some fun pictures and see the other side of the matter. If they actually don't forgive you after a successful trip despite the obvious fact that it was what you wanted to do, and you had a ton of fun, then their concern is obviously not for your well-being, but for their own opinions and peace of mind.

To refrain from living your own life because the ones you love are concerned, you're doing them a disservice by not being true to yourself.

SlimAgainSoon

In time, they'll get over it.

Enjoy your trip.

one-headedboy

Thanks everyone. I had actually made this thread right after talking to my grandma, so I was still pretty upset. I thought it through though, and you guys have been really encouraging, so I'm just gonna go. I'm leaving the beginning of next week (hopefully) and I've been having a lot of doubts as it approaches, but I'm just gonna go out there and cycle and hope for the best. So thanks a lot. You guys are awesome.

Weasel9

Beautiful! Have an absolutely amazing trip. I'm jealous, that'll be really fun.

one-headedboy

Follow up: My grandparents have accepted that I'm leaving. So, that is good.

staehpj1

Have a great time and let us know how the trip goes.