spinnaker

I am a member of warmshowsers and hosted a number of people through that organization. I have also also tried to help fellow BF members (a still standing offer) when they are in the area. A friend that runs a B&B across town has sent me a stray tourist or two. Basically always trying to help a fellow tourist to help pay forward all of those wonderful people on BF and warmshowers that helped me.

About a week or so a go, I caught an interest piece in the local paper. A young man with leukemia (I think) was riding across the US, starting in Washington,DC and passing through Pittsburgh. He was raising money for the cause. While I am not a huge fan of folks going on tour to raise money, intrigued me that he had the disease and was brave enough to take on such a difficult journey. So I wrote the author of the article and gave her permission to pass on my contact information and offered a place for the young man to stay.

I did not hear anything for a few days. Then late night Saturday I got a call. He was in a town 30-35 miles from here and was looking for a place to stay. I never got a chance to tell him but he was not in a good part of town. Maybe it was even better that I didn't. The friend of mine that owns the B&B was just a few miles back from the direction he came (it is a totally different world across the bridge, it is amazing how different). He didn't want to go back. So I gave him an option of going forward on a paved bike trail about 10 miles to a moderately expensive hotel. He didn't want to do that because he did not have a light! How can anyone start a tour without a light?? So I mentioned my friends B&B again. That he could go by street and it is not all that busy (he had been on the GAP, my friend's place is just a mile or so from the trail).

He wanted me to pick him up. I told him that was not possible that I live to far away. I live about 30-35 miles from where he was and my place really was not prepared for guests.

Was I wrong to deny him a place to stay and not pick him up? Seems like he was ill prepared for the trip. He did tell me he had another contact to call.

Bacciagalupe

His asking you to put him up, and pick him up, with no notice, is downright rude.

His lack of organization is not your problem.

12bar

I don't think you are a bad guy you were more than generous to offer to help in the first place its not your fault he made no advanced arrangements and would not heed your advice. Hopefully everything works out for him and he learns something from the experience.

BigAura

Why offer and not follow through? How would you feel if you were in his shoes? That said, anyone on a tour should be able to adapt.

IMO: No bad on your part or his.

spinnaker

Well there is helping then there is going above and beyond. Baring some unforeseen circumstance, I would not be "in his shoes". I always have an out plan that relies on only myself. Even when I am credit card touring with no tent. I carry a space blanket, thinking that if I break down I could always curl up in that. Assuming I was CC touring up the trail, I would have gone back to the trail and found an out of the way place to camp. Or better yet I would have taken the advice of a local and gone back to the B&B. Even if he could not reach her by phone, the place is always open. He could have walked in, taken a room and settled in the morning. O even just camp out in the backyard. Lin is very cool and she would never had a problem with that.

spinnaker

Had he called me earlier and said he would be in the area and if he ran into issues, if I could be around I think I would have had less of an issue with it.

I cannot recall anytime I have ever asked someone to pick me up. I have been offered but always like to arrive at their door under my own power. I guess if I got sick or had a major breakdown I'd call but that was not what it was here. It was poor planning.

I don't know if he had camping gear. If he is going cross country he sure better. But he did not even have a light so who knows. But if he had gear he passed a very nice free campsite just 10 miles or so back. It does have an old graveyard right next to it but beggars can't be choosers.

I did feel really bad about turning him down, I hope that was evident.

Had it been just a few miles away, I would have probably at least picked him up and hauled his butt to a hotel.

I did give him two viable options. One very good one nice and close but he did not want to listen. I guess that got me upset too.

Triode

things just don't always work out. He hadn't planned well, you were not prepared for him to stay.

His lack of organization, no matter how well intentioned his mission, does not overcome the circumstances.

I certainly would not worry about it, in any way.

Late in the evening, no additional warning - I am glad to help others, but I have a life too.

IMO, it was bordering on rudeness to call late and ask to be picked up or whatever at the last minute.

Certainly not a situation where you should feel bad that you would not readily be able to respond to his instantaneous request.

I thought you handled it as well as you could have.

valygrl

Well, you weren't a bad guy for not driving 30 miles to go get him, and I'm pretty sure you knew that already, but you might want to think about what you are doing in this thread. What are you trying to get out of this?

BigAura

As I said, I'm guessing he wasn't counting on you and was be able to adapt. You obviously were unable to supply any support so don't worry about it, why even post?

pacificcyclist

You were wrong to give permission to the lady for that young man to stay for a cause you had no belief in it. That's why you're asking here for redemption. And what makes you think you're #1 on his contact list? You could be his last contact and rather being rude to you that you didn't want to help him like so many others on his contacted list who were equally sympathetic but then he was just too far out of town for pick up. So he may simply told you that he has another contact to call so he hope you won't worry. But of course you worry with guilt now. You are all adults. You have every right to refuse to help him, because you don't have to be someone's doormat. But then, you had put yourself into this position and then judging his touring expertise and that he's not well prepared and he's got no light to justify your refusal to help. If you didn't judge him being ill equipped, why would you feel guilty now?

Again, you're not wrong but perhaps next time, do not sign up for a commitment that you have no belief in it and for that you will never receive that phone call and never need to judge him.

unterhausen

I probably wouldn't want to go get him either. It's one thing if it was an emergency, but it sounds like it wasn't

Cyclebum

You did all that could be reasonably expected. Now you're feeling a bit of guilt. Sorry. Maybe a lesson learned you can apply to future hosting opportunities. Not going the 'exta' 30 miles, however unwarrented, most likely was more your loss than his.

I hosted a young man once from WS with a one day notice. Trouble is, his WS info was minimal, so I tactfully deferred. Knowing the route he was using to get into town, I got on the bike and rode a few miles out hoping to meet him. And I did. After spending a few minutes with John and his big dog, all was cool. He spent the night. Interesting fellow, out to 'find' himself.

I would likely not have driven 30 miles to pick John up, and your fellow should not have asked you to. His lack of planning should not have been dumped on you.

As another aside, a WS host in Billings, Mt drove 250 miles to Butte to pick me up. I certainly did not asked him too, and protested the idea. But he really wanted to. I was to be his first guest from WS. That was several years ago and we're still in touch. I bought the gas. Down side, I still harbor some reqret that I didn't pedal to Billings, but his lift did let me complete the tour as planned.

MassiveD

I don't get how he is riding across country, and raising money from bike touring one car lift at a time.

Main thing would be if he was in trouble. And according to you he has cancer, and was in a dangerous part of town, and you had expressed some interest in helping him, and had passed your name along. I can't see how you are a bad person, but you sure didn't help this guy. If you feel bad then you were swimming a little against the current on this one.

Bacciagalupe

I concur, that's a completely different situation.

But ultimately, he is not your responsibility. You did not encourage him to do this tour, you did not give him poor advice, and he had plenty of time to make arrangements in advance.

Regardless of his medical condition, he needs to be self-sufficient if he's going to make it across the US.

staehpj1

I'd say it was your option to say no, but... I probably would have picked him up, especially if I had offered first rather than him just looking me up on warmshowers. It is hard to say when he got the offer and what was actually communicated to him. Is it possible that he only just got your offer or maybe the offer was told to him as just a "willing to assist" or "if you need help" offer? You say it was late and a bad part of town, perhaps he felt like it was an emergency.

Bacciagalupe

The OP is here and asking for "redemption" because he's an actual human being who has some sympathy for a traveler with some sort of serious illness, and a serious lack of organizational skills.


That's not the OP's problem or fault.

It is the responsibility of the traveler to have his act together, and to be prepared for contingencies like this. He's not going to make it across the country if he can't do something as basic as "communicate in advance."

The OP is not obligated to drive over an hour to pick up and house a stranger, just because he made a casual offer to put the rider up for one night. If anything, it's up to the rider to make sure he is the least possible imposition upon the host.


Because he's human, and is imagining an unskilled n00b bike tourist fumbling across the country. It sounds like the OP is sympathetic, even as he realizes to a certain degree that he's not at fault.


The OP did not "sign up for a commitment." He made an offer, and the cyclist violated the rather reasonable etiquette of the situation by failing to contact in advance, and expecting the host to go out of his way to pick him up.

If the rider had made advance arrangements, got to the house under his own power, and the OP said "sorry no room," that would be a completely different story.

antokelly

just curious did that guy ring you later on to say he got fixed up somewhere else, but thanks anyway.

MassiveD

Reminds me of the saying that customer service is what the customer thinks customer service is. You can put mints on their pillows and lecture them for hours on the stuff they could see locally, but none of that may actully be what they want as much as what you want. And that is whithout going to what a parent would worry people offering warm showers, and just having seen Trust, would think the average host really wanted.

MassiveD

More likely he is masquerading on the internet as various dicks who responded to articles about him in the local press but had a Seinfeld moment when he actually showed up in their area, but later feel remorse. Later he turns out not to have cancer.

rogerstg

If you would have done more, such as picked him up, except for the perceived rudeness of his short notice, then yes, IMO you were wrong.

It's not always possible or practical to give advanced notice to all the potential hosts on a tour. The longer the tour, the truer that is. Maybe he made better or worse time than expected; maybe other plans fell through at the last minute; maybe his route was altered. The list can go on and on.

I've been a guest of warm-showers host and more often, been a host myself. The only effect that time has for me is my ability to host based on prior commitments. I'd never withhold assistance simply because I felt he should have called earlier.

pacificcyclist

People suffering from Leukemia, which in greek word is called "White" "Blood" and the outlying symptoms (easy bruising, blood, infections and all out fatigue) and understand why the rider is in the position he is in and the responsibilities the person who is volunteering to provide the WS needs to expect. What if the rider actually made it to his door all tired (Anemia) and suffering from an infection and blood coming out from his gums or swollen lymph nodes? After all, cycling is a physical demanding work and people with Leukemia do not have the necessary healthy white blood cells like a normal person to fight illness. Will the OP also be more forthcoming in letting him in as well under these circumstances?

I believe the OP is a good person and is doing this out of the goodness of his heart, but I think he's a little bit naive into thinking that every WS cyclists that comes to his door will be able to motor by themselves especially people with an illness and there is on off chance that someone may suffer an illness during the trip and needs emergency help. Look at his postings and he's making assumptions of what the young lad should do this and that and was not aware that Leukemia is the disability that inhibits things a normal healthy cycle tourist can do easily. We all don't know enough about this young lad to make naive judgements about his touring expertise. So I suspect the OP did not research well enough into people suffering with Leukemia and provide permission for this young lad to stay only out of compassion. Perhaps that the young lad expects him to be one of his emergency contacts and sag wagon and the OP is feeling guilty now because the he didn't offer to help. But who knows if the OP is the only one that refused to help. Under the circumstances this young lad is in, it is not conceivable that many others willing volunteers would have said the same thing as the OP.

But then, would it be best next time to not get into a position he's in now.

DCwom

Spinnaker, you've been offering help for Pittsburg/GAP folks for as long as I've been following BF, you provided more than just a WS you offered info and guidance for the area and the rider refused your help, you've done no wrong in my book.

As for the rider it sounds like he is in over his head, maybe you've done him a service by letting him assess his preparadness before he gets into real serious issues further down the road.

axolotl

+1

+1


I'm amazed at some of the absurd speculation in some of the other responses.

alan s 

The way I see it, the guy showed up 30 miles away from your home, asking you to go above and beyond to help. He turned down resaonable alternatives. What if you had been out of town, and he had been unable to reach you, but left a voicemail instead that you didn't get until the next day? Not like the guy made previous arrangements to show up at your home at x time on y day for a place to stay. Wouldn't worry about it.

indyfabz

No. The issue of short notice and condition of your place aside, you had previously offered only a place to stay. That offer does not imply an obligation on your part to transport him to your residence, which was the only way he was going to get your place. You also provided him with reasonable alternatives, not that you were required to.

I agree with DCwom. Perhaps you taught him something that will serve him down the road.