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they say I am to thin

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Old 11-01-05, 10:11 AM
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garysol1 
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they say I am to thin

I started dieting and exercising starting this past April. I weighed in at an obese 255lbs (I am 5'9") at the begining. Now 7 months and many thousands of miles later I am down to a still overweight weight of 192lbs.
My problem is everyone including my wife say's that now I look to skinny. My face has gotten that "gaut" look. I would like to lose another 30lbs which should put me in the average catagory acording to the BMI index. So who is right??? Thats my dilema. Do I use the BMI index as a goal or just stop where I am and maintain my existing weight keeping the wife happy?
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Old 11-01-05, 10:38 AM
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Ah, family dynamics...

Families of alcoholics sometimes resist when alcoholics give up drink. Beaten wives shield their abusers from police. Sadly, families resist when one member goes out and gets thinner and healthier.

The status quo is very strong. You were fat in your family for a reason. You played a role. You are probably not aware of this role, it is unconscious / subconscious.

If your wife is fat, she wants you to stay fat, she may be afraid that you will abandon her.
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Old 11-01-05, 10:51 AM
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Part of it is family dynamics and response to change, part of it is your body is still adjusting to the weight loss. When I first lost 30 - 35 pounds, lots of people responded. The thing is right after I lost weight, I did look a bit gaunt. When I looked in the mirror, I looked tired, but I felt great. A woman who hadn't seen me for awhile, thought I had been sick, when she found out it was weight loss, she started calling me "cancer girl" (thinking it was funny rather than terribly insensitive).

Give your body time to adjust. Within about 6 - 8 weeks you will be a picture of health. You might take a month or so with the goal of maintaining your current weight loss, to give your skin and body time to catch up. When it does, it's amazing . . . everything suddenly gets small even though the scale doesn't change.

Hang in there and keep going in the direction of health.

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Old 11-01-05, 10:55 AM
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wow! that's some pretty good weight lose. congrats.
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Old 11-01-05, 11:08 AM
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Thanks Tim...Sandy and Peter.
I think Peter has a point....to a point. My wife is heavy but not fat. I would not mind seeing her a few pounds lighter but nothing extreme. I hope she is not afraid of me fleeing with someone else but I will reasure her of that.
Sandy....I think you are also right....I should maintain for a few weeks and give my skin a chance to catch up. The only place where that is an issue is my neck. I had a double chin but now it just sorta hangs right in the center. Hopefuly time will cure that
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Old 11-01-05, 11:23 AM
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I have totally had the same problem. I am 5'9". I was 212. I am now 165. My wife and parents say I am too thin. I think I could lose about another 5 or 7 pounds. I can see most of my stomach muscles but I still have a bit of fat on the love handles. My face also has that gaunt look as compared to how I looked before.

Here's my advice: Do what makes you happy. People will get used to how you look. People who you never met don't think you are too thin. Its the people that knew you before that think you look too thin. Its mainly the weight you've lost in your face. At 5'9" you need to get to about 170 before you are within a healthy BMI range. I think BMI is right. I don't think I really started to look and feel really good until I got down to 170.

Lose the weight. Ignore the wife. Or, ask her what her own hangups are with you losing weight. My wife was concerned because the more weight I lost the fatter she felt (and she's pretty thin - she's an aerobics instructor).
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Old 11-01-05, 11:29 AM
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Same thing in my family... my mother in law told me a couple nights ago that I look haggard (sp?). I've gone from 212 to 167 over the past 6 months. Not as much as the OP but close. She didn't mention I looked FAT when I was over-weight but not she says this when I'm just getting to where I want to be. I feel better than I have in years.

I'm medium build and 5'7" tall and my ideal weight (according to a few body calcs.) is about 148lbs. . I'd like to lose another 17lbs. before next spring because I know how the first 45lbs. has positively affected my cycling and climbing ability. I know at 150lbs. I'll be tearing up those hills.
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Old 11-01-05, 11:46 AM
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Congratulations on your amazing weight loss. I hope your family will come to understand how happy and healthy you've become and maybe they'll be inspired to improve their fitness too.

But the funny thing is, it's not just the folks who lose 50 or 60lbs, just 15-20 is enough to get comments. I was at a wedding last week and saw a lot of people I hadn't seen in 10 years or so. I was creeping up to 190 but I'm now back to 170 (what I consider to be a good weight for me). My mom mentioned that the maid of honor told her that she was concerned about my weight because I was looking too skinny.

So, anyway. Keep turning those pedals.
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Old 11-01-05, 11:54 AM
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boy..if 192lbs is too thin...then 112lbs would be ultra-thin for me...
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Old 11-01-05, 12:45 PM
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I too was told that I was too skinny, when I was running competitively. I wasn't too skinny, I had 14% bodyfat, which is plenty for a guy. It's our culture, and some parts of the country have different standards than others. I also suspect that the standard in Memphis is larger than the standard elsewhere in the US. I'm 5'10" and 192, and I think I'm smaller than average in my area -- despite being 30 pounds overweight.

That said, I think the advice to "ignore your wife" is incredibly reckless. Divorce is expensive and harmful to your health. Give her a chance to get used to the new you, and give yourself a chance to prove that you can maintain your weight at this level without regaining. Yo-yoing isn't healthy either.

If she continues to give you flack, maybe the two of you should see a professional counselor.
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Old 11-01-05, 01:09 PM
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There is something to the social side also. A few years ago, my brother lost 40 pounds and was just starting to enter a healthy weight. The better he felt and the more he lost, the more his wife overate and complained about her weight. She has gone from being overweight to inactive and obese. And, the more he worked hard at it, the more she implied that it was easy for him and the more she would by unhealthy foods.

Just keep doing it for your health. The people around you need you to be as healthy as possible. If she says something to you that she would like to be healthier just ask, 'what can I do to support you' and, as most people have discovered, sometimes women talk about weight because they want someone to convince them they aren't overweight. Even as a woman, I have found myself trapped by being asked, 'does this make me look fat?' The best answer to your wife is always, 'you are beautiful. I just want to you to be healthy.'

Even though I am about 20 pounds over where I would like to be, I am almost always the smallest person in any room. Figure if 2/3 of American are overweight and obese, it's easy to appear smaller than we really are by comparison.

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Old 11-01-05, 01:10 PM
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Congrats on the weight loss!When my FIL first saw me I was around 135. That was when my wife and I first shacked up together. He pulled my wife aside and asked her if she was feeding me.

At 167 I was telling her family that I needed to lose 20+ and was told I looked perfect. Trouble is I didn't feel good no matter how I looked. Truthfully, all of her family is overweight so when they say things like that I just decide to not accept it. I just thought of it as an insult. They really have no credibility when they offer up advice on weight and health. You just need to find that confidence in you which says you don't care, it's the best thing for you, and you can do it.
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Old 11-01-05, 01:10 PM
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Show them a copy of the BMI scale attached below or have them calculate your/their BMI: weight in kilograms divided by your height in meters squared.

Congrats on the weight loss thus far.

BTW, I was at 200 pounds / 67 inches tall. Now, I'm 150 pounds, so it can be done. When I hit 155 pounds, people started wondering if I had cancer or something. Sheesh!

.

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Old 11-01-05, 03:23 PM
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I call it the "corn-fed pork" factor.

The average person here is overweight/borderline obese, so anyone at a healthy weight looks anorexic. Memphis is a lot like here that way, I think.

I'd recommend doing some strength training, if you're not already. Weights/nautilus are good, and if that's too much, pushups, pullups and situps will take you a long way.

Don't worry too much about BMI. Muscles change the equation too much. Check out your body fat content for a much better indicator of healthly weight: http://www.stevenscreek.com/goodies/pi.shtml

10-15% body fat is ideal for a male athlete. Over 20% is unhealthy.

Keep doing the right things for your health, and maybe your wife and family will see how happy/healthy/energetic you are and feel inspired to make some changes themselves. Encourage, but don't push. A sense of humor goes a long way.

Rock on!
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Old 11-01-05, 08:39 PM
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At 5' 9", and 192 lbs, your BMI is currently 28.4, meaning you would be labelled as "Overweight", but not "Obese". To get to the top end of the "Normal Weight" category (which is, alas, not so normal any more), you would need to get down to 169 lbs.

You don't state your age, but assuming you're a 35 year old male, your current weight puts you in the 67th weight percentile for your age, height, and gender...in other words, you weigh more than 66% of 35 year old, 5' 9" US men (if you're 45, you're in the 60th weight percentile).

If your family is carping about your weight loss now, and indicating that you're "gaunt", I suspect they may have some underlying emotional issues regarding weight themselves. Or, perhaps you live in an area where everyone is fat, so you're begining to stand out because you're getting less fat.

Regardless, you're on the right path, so keep up the good work! And don't listen to *anyone* who tells you that you need to "fatten up"...they're either jealous or clueless.
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Old 11-01-05, 08:42 PM
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Fat rounds everything off and makes you look better (or so they say) five nine and 192 in not too thin in my book by any means, tell them to blow it out their a$$.
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Old 11-01-05, 08:43 PM
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wow this one really hits home!

In one year I went from 195lbs to 125lbs and now holding steady at 140/145lbs. (5'10" w/ small bones)

People freaked! Asking my wife if I was ill etc...

I feel great! My biking has improved and I always have energy!

Here in Texas its almost normal to be fat, so I get called the sickling by friends and people at work. or toothpick etc... Funny thing is the people calling me names are way over weight. I suggested that maybe there just use to seeing fat people like themselves. I then explain how actually my weight is ok for my stature and then email them a link to a BMI calculator to check their numbers. Some keep poking fun at me, but some have pulled me aside for advice on how to change their lives. Thats a pretty cool feeling and I'm so happy to help anyone who wants to get healthy.

I am still trying to put on another 5 to 10lbs, but its all muscle since the fat has left my body.

I kind of feel normal now after reading some of your feelings.

-cheers
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Old 11-01-05, 09:05 PM
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Oh, how beautiful those words sounded to me after all those years of being overweight. "Too thin", man, I love hearing them words. It's like poetry. "Too thin." Ahhhhhh.

According to the BMI, I'm actually still a few pounds from not being overweight, but my appearance is now pretty trim judging from reactions of those around me. I do measure, as best I can, my body fat and it seems to be about 14%.

The important thing for me though is being able to move unlike I have for years. But, to hear those words, "Too thin", that's music for someone who walked around overweight for all that time.

If I were you, I'd take my body fat measurements using calipers or something and let them know where you're standing healthwise in that regard. It's good information for you to use as a personal guide as well.
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Old 11-01-05, 09:14 PM
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Originally Posted by jennings780
My wife was concerned because the more weight I lost the fatter she felt (and she's pretty thin - she's an aerobics instructor).
Yeah, same here! my DH has recently gone from 205 to 178 (he's 6'), and even though I wear a size 6 I feel proportionatly bigger than he is now. I struggle enough with disordered eating, feeling pressure to be thinner than him is really tough, problem is I would have to lose muscle to get under 130.
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Old 11-02-05, 08:03 AM
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Ditto. I'm 5'7, my racing weight when I was 22 was around 130-135 and I was by no means the leanest racer around. As the years went by I ballooned to around 230 (thats when I stopped weighing myself, when you're fat you don't even want to know).

After about a year of losing weight, I got back down to 150 and people started asking me if I was sick, saying I was too thin. It was music to my ears, Again, it was usually people who were overweight. Now I'm up to 180 but slowly going down. I noticed that I'm having trouble breathing on the bike, when i lean over the bars. Before, I could get on the drops and have no problems breathing. I'm going to nip it in the bud.

You can never be too rich, too skinny or have too small a cell phone.
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Old 11-02-05, 10:07 AM
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Originally Posted by San Rensho
You can never be too rich, too skinny or have too small a cell phone.
... or have too much Campagnolo on your bike!

Jokes aside, I noticed that losing weight has caused others to become quite defensive and accuse me of being 'too thin' or 'leading an unhealthy lifestyle' or 'riding too much'. It used to really bother me, but now I do not care. It is their problem if they cannot deal with the change, not mine.
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Old 11-02-05, 10:36 AM
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There is obsession and healthy weight loss.

Try to not lose more than 1-2 pounds a week That is in the healthy range....

Otherwise, just stop weighing yourself, that is the healthy thing... Eat good/better foods and exercise like you have been, drink lots of water and get plenty of sleep and a multivitamin. If your body weight changes and you are being healthy then it is a healthy change.

If you were overweight to the degree that your skin cannot recover, sometimes that extra skin needs to be removed (surgically EWW! hopefully it doesn't come to that) Otherwise it will take time for your body to adapt to your new weight and time for your wife to adapt to it. Give yourself time and be honest. Are you obsessing about working out and using it as an excuse to avoid her, or spend less time/shirk responsibilities? Since you are improving one area of your life, try to balance your improvements in other areas too, and not ignore other responsibilities.

You are doing a wonderful thing for yourself and you should be happy that you are adopting a healthier attitude/activities / and lifestyle, and meeting new friends along the way. Try to help encourage those around you and never criticize them if they aren't following the same path as you.
Good-Luck and if you stay in a healthy BMI you should be fine.
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Old 11-02-05, 11:07 AM
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Not saying that anybody has the same situation but...the only people I find who routinely give tell me that I am too skinny are the folks who are not satisfied with their own excess weight. I assure them that I am always on the lookout for signs of anorexia and otherwise ignore them.
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Old 11-02-05, 11:21 AM
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I look forward to basking in the delight of hearing the words "Are you alright? You look so skinny." Can't wait.
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Old 11-02-05, 04:13 PM
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Your critics have to defend their belief system.

It is too devastating for people to admit that they are very overweight, so they just change the standard, and they have to defend this standard by making fun of you.

But you have seen the emperor has no clothes, and people secretly or subconsciously want to be thinner, when they come ask you in private.

Thanks for continuing to help them.



Originally Posted by lowmach
Funny thing is the people calling me names are way over weight. I suggested that maybe there just use to seeing fat people like themselves. Some keep poking fun at me, but some have pulled me aside for advice on how to change their lives.
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