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Dealing with "lack of weight loss" depression

Old 09-03-07, 06:08 AM
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Anthony8858
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Dealing with "lack of weight loss" depression

Hi all.


10 Years ago, I was riding 150-200 miles per week, and I felt great. Today, my weight is up to 225 lbs, and at 5'10", that's to much for a 50 year old body to handle.

Back in June of this year, I decided to try to lose the extra weight that I've been carrying around for the past 10 years. After a brief stint, and an immediate loss of about 7 lbs, my wife started nagging me about how I should be helping with the kids, instead of riding a bicycle. ( I can only ride after work). This led to an argument, and immediatedly put a dark cloud over my ambitions.

It is now September, and my weight is right where I left it back in June.
I feel miserable, and I'm depressed.

Do any of you have similar stories to share? I would like hear how you've delt with depression caused by failing to reach your weight goal.
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Old 09-03-07, 07:14 AM
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Do any of you have similar stories to share?
Yeah, this was the year I was supposed to get as fast as Greg LeMond. And no matter how much I think and talk and whine about training, I still haven't gotten any faster. Man, I'm depressed.........
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Old 09-03-07, 09:01 AM
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You know, to get around the your neglecting the kids and family discussion, I started riding at night after everyone went to bed. I typically leave the house between 10 pm and 11 pm, although have been know to go out at midnight. I will usually ride 1.5 hrs during the week and unless it's some pressing family event that I have to attend, I will typically take a ride during the daylight hours on Saturday. I'm a vampire rider in a sense and have continued my weight loss guilt free. If you truly have the desire and want to lose weight, get yourself some good lights front and back, and go riding. Once you get use to it, riding at night is pretty nice. It's cooler, quieter and less traffic.
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Old 09-03-07, 10:04 AM
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Good idea from jaxqtr. There is another way. You don't have to cycle to lose weight. Keep an eye on what you eat and it won't be long before you won't recognise yourself. I know it is easier with exercise but where there's a will and all that. Alternatively get up really early before everyone else and go then.

I know depression makes decision making impossible. Problems seem to appear bigger than they are with no easy solution. That happens me alot but I do have great days when I can see the big picture. I would then make a start then and hopefully when the bad day comes along I will be in a routine already so the helplessness won't stop me. Hope this helps.
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Old 09-03-07, 10:05 AM
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take the kids for a bike ride?

Take the kids for a bike ride?
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Old 09-03-07, 10:14 AM
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Originally Posted by legrimpeur View Post
Take the kids for a bike ride?
+1. If your kids are too young, pull them. If they are old enough, they can go with you and get some exercise themselves. Biking is a great family activity just by itself, plus depending on the kind of area you live in you can make it a habit to bike to the park/movies/restaurant/whatever.
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Old 09-03-07, 10:19 AM
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I started commuting to help with the family time. Or you could ride before everyone gets up. And it's not just about the exercise. On days you don't ride, just watch the calories. For me it was helpful to log everything I ate at fitday.

I was real similar to you. 5' 10" and got up to 215. Now, 175.

The reason I got up to 215? I quit smoking and replaced it with food.
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Old 09-03-07, 11:15 AM
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Believe me, by losing weight, you ARE doing something for your kids. I've gone from 270 to 222 during the last 14 months, and being alive for my kids (now grown) was one of my primary motivators.

I think the idea of getting your kids into biking is a wonderful idea, whether you pull them in a trailer or have them ride along with you.
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Old 09-03-07, 02:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Anthony8858 View Post
I would like hear how you've delt with depression caused by failing to reach your weight goal.
Anthony'. Dude. . .I'm thinking you might have these pants on backwards!!! It's a classic issue; one sometimes focuses on life's issues and finding problems there ascribes depression as following FROM them rather than from depression DRIVING them.

I'm a veteran of both the Weight and Depression Wars. Please consider the possibility that it's depression that's driving the weight issue and a whole lot more of the negativity you experience.

Worth a few moment's thought, eh?
 
Old 09-03-07, 03:10 PM
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And another word of warning...

If your spouse is not supportive of your efforts to improve your health, especially if she's dealing with weight issues of her own, be prepared for her to actively subvert your efforts.

My ex was a confirmed couch potato, and was not at all supportive as I transformed myself from an overweight smoker to the "Fit Guy". After a few years of her persistent nagging and whining, I found it necessary to leave the marriage (there were other issues too...primarily her anger management issues).

Jack LaLane once said that more relationships break up due to differences in "energy" than anything else, and I think he may be right. If that's an issue in your relationship, you may someday face the "the bike or the wife" question.
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Old 09-03-07, 04:30 PM
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Here's a thought...stop weighing yourself.

I am 5' 11' and weighed about 250 lbs. I started cycling and eating better (most of the time) and lost about 15 lbs relatively quickly. Since then, the weight loss has somewhat leveled but is still ebbing away, albeit much more slowly.

What I have noticed is that clothes I was wearing months ago are now huge on me and that clothes I haven't worn in years now fit great. I even went into a store a few days ago and a suit fit me off the rack. No more separates! (Only heavy people can understand what a milestone this is!)

I'll never have a six pack other than the one in my refrigerator and I'll never be mistaken for a skinny person. I don't know what I weigh right now but I know that my clothes fit better and I feel great.

It was hard to wean myself from the scale but I'm now feeling better about myself because I'm more in touch with myself. Don't get down on yourself.
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Old 09-03-07, 04:59 PM
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Originally Posted by breadbin View Post
Good idea from jaxqtr. There is another way. You don't have to cycle to lose weight. Keep an eye on what you eat and it won't be long before you won't recognise yourself. I know it is easier with exercise but where there's a will and all that. Alternatively get up really early before everyone else and go then.
+1 I ride early in the morning, before everyone else is awake. Plus I recent started counting calories online at www.fitday.com, which simplifies the counting task. After seeing how BAD some of the stuff I ate was, I slowed down eating so much junk food. I lost just over 10 lbs last month.
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Old 09-03-07, 07:21 PM
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Originally Posted by Richard Cranium View Post
Yeah, this was the year I was supposed to get as fast as Greg LeMond. And no matter how much I think and talk and whine about training, I still haven't gotten any faster. Man, I'm depressed.........

this
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Old 09-03-07, 07:33 PM
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Can you commute? Even if you can't, can you get up uber early to squeeze in 20 miles before work or before the kids get up?
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Old 09-03-07, 07:51 PM
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I have to agree with the suggestion to count calories. Riding helps, but it's really the eating that matters, for those of us in our middle years. It's amazing how much you (I) can eat without being aware of it. Log every single thing you eat. And then take control. You will feel deprived at first, but you must accept that.

Tell yourself: hunger is the feeling that fat makes as it leaves my body.

If you actually count and restrict calories, you will actually lose weight. There are lots of tools on the internet to help - I used sparkpeople.com

If you only think about it and beat yourself up, you will just feel like a failure and be depressed. If you use your wife/family responsibilities as an excuse to fail to take control, then be aware it is an excuse.

I say this with total well-meaningness. I have been there and done that. I blamed my boyfriend's bad diet for my own. I blamed our living situation for me being unable to ride much. But ultimately no one was putting chips and beer in my mouth but me.
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Old 09-05-07, 09:15 PM
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To squeeze in more cycling I ride before work, at lunch or just after work. I put in an appropriate intensity one hour long ride or other workout. I've modified my diet (removed at minimum foods with fructose additive). I have lost weight since last year but I've stalled (been off the bike since Aug 3, leg injury). I've made a lot of changes to the size portions and how often I eat as well as to what I eat. I'm now working on putting together a more balanced training plan so as not to imbalance my muscles. I also do much longer rides on weekends.
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Old 09-06-07, 08:33 AM
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Originally Posted by valygrl View Post

Tell yourself: hunger is the feeling that fat makes as it leaves my body.
That's one of the best things I've read on this forum to date!
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Old 09-06-07, 08:43 AM
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Or how about nothing tastes as good as thin feels.
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Old 09-06-07, 05:56 PM
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If you like to read, read Heft on Wheels. It's inspirational and wry, which should help biking and depression respectively. Just don't take the guy's personal anecdotes as training tips.

Also, think about using a trainer.
(Edit: I mean an bike whirring thingie, not a fitness coach, but I've nothing against fitness coaches either.)

Last edited by zowie; 09-06-07 at 06:02 PM.
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Old 09-06-07, 05:59 PM
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Maybe an ice cream sunday would brighten up your day?
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Old 09-07-07, 03:01 PM
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Originally Posted by FXjohn View Post
Maybe an ice cream sunday would brighten up your day?
The Gods Bless FX's little pointed head. He's a P&R habitue and comes amongst us lesser mortals to provide sage counsel, bless us with helpful advice, illuminate the subject with the benefit of the Wisdom of Ages, and otherwise make bearable our miserable days.
 
Old 09-07-07, 03:17 PM
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There is this couple in our bike club, both in their late twenties or early thirties. They bring their 7 month old daughter in a trailer for club rides. Pretty awesome! I am impressed.
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Old 09-07-07, 08:50 PM
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My father died when I was 3 from not taking care of himself (heart disease). No child should go through that. You owe it to yourself and your kids to make your health one of your highest priorities. A little less time with them now is far, far better than seeing you put in the ground. And, when you feel better mentally and are in better shape physically the time you do spend with them is going to be much better quality.

So, you need 8-10 hours a week to work on your fitness. Period. It is not negotiable. This is the approach I take with my family. They know there is no point in trying to mess with it. It's like direct deductions from the paycheck - it comes off the top and isn't around to be toyed with.

Your wife needs to understand how short-sighted she is being. Who's going to be around to help with the kids when you are paralyzed from a stroke or dead? If necessary, drag your wife into your doctors office and let her hear it from him/her. Get your doctor to write an order for 8 - 10 hours of intense exercise per week and post it prominently at home. Do whatever it takes.

I know how discouraging it is to be heavier than you once were. I used to be 148 lbs when I raced. I stopped riding for 8 years and reach 215 lbs. I'm back down to 170 lbs now. You know you can lose the weight and get in shape if you have the time (you've done it before). Make it happen for yourself and your kids.
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Old 09-07-07, 09:13 PM
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Originally Posted by edzo View Post
this
lol Mr. Edzo is back!

heheh

good to see ya again Ed
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Old 09-07-07, 11:13 PM
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The busier I am, the less I eat ... in fact, sometimes I can get so busy I forget to eat. And by "busy" I mean out-and-about busy, not sitting-in-front-of-the-computer busy. Out-and-about busy also means that you're being more active which burns more calories. The simple act of standing burns more calories than sitting, and of course walking burns more than standing.

So ... if your wife wants you to help with the kids, take the kids out for a walk. Go to the local park and play ball with them. Take them swimming. Play tag with them. Teach them how to ride bicycles and ride with them. Show them that an active lifestyle can be fun.

And in general be more active ... take the stairs instead of the elevator. When you shop for groceries, park your car at the furthest end of the parking lot and walk from there. Instead of just sitting and watching TV in the evening, get an exercise bike and ride it while watching your favorite shows, or buy some weights and do a bit of weightlifting. Or on the commercials get up and walk around the house. Commute to work by walking or by bicycle if possible. There are lots of things you can do to increase your fitness level and burn more calories.

BTW - it is very common for a fairly large bit of weight to drop of fairly quickly and then for the weightloss to slow down. That's life. The people who successfully lose weight keep active and keep watching their diet even when they aren't losing the weight very quickly.
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