Locker Room Rant
 

Because I do most of my swimming at the pool, I spend a fair amount of time in the locker room. I really hate being in there - it's humid and dirty - I usually rinse, dry off, change and then I'm out the door as quickly as possible. But one of the things that bugs me the most is that a lot of guys don't have a clue when it comes to locker room etiquette. So to alleviate some of my frustration, here is my attempt to document some of those rules:

1. When either you or I are naked, do not face me or look at me. Just face the wall and do your business. I don't want any of your attention and I won't give you any of mine.
2. Don't try and start a conversation if you don't know me. There are a million other places where friendly banter between strangers may be appropriate. The locker room is not one of them.
3. Although I can appreciate the work that it takes to be a single father, if you have a daughter that is over 7 years old, please do not bring her in the men's locker room. Instruct her on how to use the women's facilities and let her use it.
4. If you are taking a sh*t in the stall, please keep the volume of your grunting to a minimum.

Got any more that you want to add?

While you stated it very well, I do have one to add.
5. If you feel the need to floss yourself after a shower (try to sleep with that visual image), please do not put one leg on the bench and display what not even your wife would want to see.

I'm not too bothered by the naked thing. I go to a gay gym in Los Angeles, I'm straight but it's just a nicer facility, and for a lot of these guys this is their banter area, so in a way I'm intruding. But what bugs me is guys that can't be bothered to towel off after the pool or shower before standing at their locker. My biggest pet peeve is to have to wade through a puddle just to get to my locker, just today the only open locker and I drop my clean shirt in someone's drippings.

And I second keeping the grunting to a minimum, in the bathroom stalls and out in the weight area. If something is so heavy that you have to make that much noise, put it down.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

-Marcus.

6. If you have shower facilities at work change there before going to the pool. :)

So glad I'm not a dude. Ladies are quite respectful in the locker room...at least my experiences have been such. I actually had a gal come up to me and tell me I had great legs. Made my day. Then she told me where I could "buy" her tits. This came about because I told her I thought my legs were my best body feature, and I asked her what she thought hers was....Dr. Strock in Southlake, "only $3,500" she said. Holy crap, I thought...that would buy one sweet ride.

I second that, Cycleprincess.

No grunting, no flossing. And I think it's a universal truth that women are nicer to look at in the buff.

I'll add a rule, though.

No cell phone conversations.

SprocketMan - Doesn't your gym have a sign about kids over a certain age not being permitted in the opposite-gender locker room? (Perhaps you could suggest it.) Dang, that could scar a young girl... Our oldest is finally at the age where we need to reconsider the family shower concept. Sigh...

I am not sure about all this ranting. Maybe because I am a little older (46), but locker rooms have always been male bonding arenas--places where males can be themselves, talk about the stuff they like to talk about, be completely vulnerable (nude). My sense is that younger men don't have the same view of it all. I note that very few young men hang around in the locker room or shower. They are quickly in and out. It's the old guys who walk around nude, talking to everybody. I think the current fears around *****exuality (because of its more obvious presence) as well all the concern about "private parts" have changed the locker room phenomenon. I like the days when things weren't so private, when men were a bit freer. Oh well. Interesting conversation.

Oh yeah, I'll second that. The locker room at my gym is right next to the pool, and the showers take up almost half of the room. You can't imagine how wet the floor is on all parts of the locker room. It's called a towel people; they hand them out at the front desk.

I'll add: If the locker room is not crowded, and you have a locker directly next to mine, please refrain from bending over while naked right in front of me. While I'm very comfortable with my sexuality, not even women enjoy a view of a wet, hairy rear end with a package dangling in the wind. It's especially unnerving when it's a surprise shot. :eek:

This is definitely a guy problem.

Still, though... I agree. Little boys over 4 should be with their fathers, and little girls over 4 should be with their mothers. If fathers are with daughters, then they just need to take their kid home if the kid is too old. Same thing goes for if the mother is with a son over 4. It's inappropriate to expose young children to nudity of the opposite sex. Plus, with the reports these days of child molestations and child abuse, you'd think the club would already have a club policy to deal with it, because if something happens to some kid while they're in the club, you bet they'd be held responsible for it.

Koffee

I agree, 4 or 5 years of age at the most in the locker room of the opposite sex.

Cycleprincess, I think it's funny that women can compliment each others body parts in a locker room. If a man were to compliment another man in a locker room ("Hey dude, nice pecs!"), someone would be leaving with a black eye! Unless the men were in Treespeed's gym - then they might leave with someone's phone number ;)

The reason why I brought up bringing girls into a men's locker room is that it happened to me this past weekend. A man had 3 kids with him, two young boys that looked to be about 3 and 5 years old and a daughter that looked like she was about 10 years old. There were about 6 guys in various states of undress (including me) when they walked in. A couple of us said, "Whoa!" and quickly covered up. One of the guys said he would talk to the pool administrator, but since it's a public pool and we aren't "members", I doubt anything will be done.

Public or not, there is no reason why a young girl is allowed to enter a men's shower facility at all.

Complain to the pool administrator and be sure to mention that there is definitely a liability issue they need to concern. RISK MANAGEMENT- they should know better than to create an environment where young children are exposed to naked adults of the opposite sex.

I'd call Child Services on that father too.

Koffee

oh wow....i understand that from a certain age on a child should not enter the opposite sex' rest- or locker-room. i also understand that 4-5 or maybe 6 years of age a child should be able to use these facilities by themselves...

but i also think that it's blown way out of proportion here. but of course i grew up in europe.
with liablity issues the way they are in the states i suppose it is an issue.

I don't know. I don't think I'd be comfortable sending my child of 5 or 6 alone into the locker room to change out of their wet bathing suit.

I certainly hear what you are saying, but I don't think the answer is sending them in alone. Maybe they just need to wait until you get home.

- Don

In that case, find a facility with a family changing locker room. They are divided well, and there's no problems with members of the opposite sex accidentally exposing themselves to young children.

Koffee

The posted rule at my gym is 4 years old. I'm not sure how I feel about that; ask me when my kids are 4.

As for the not talking to a naked guy thing: Lighten up, Francis.

Thankfully my gym is not a family gym, but so I don't have to deal with that aspect. I do however have to throw in a few comments about the ladies locker room. It isn't that any of this is really all that bad, but it is notable.

- Some women find that they must wait until the very last minute of their primping routine to put on any underwear. This is their prerogative, but come on...in some cases we really shouldn't be forced to see you. Would it be so bad to put on your bra before you dry your hair?

-Some women really do think they are all that, and make getting ready in the AM a dramatic event...day, after day, after day. Sheesh ladies, do you have to do the 'combination hair flip and giggle' in the company of your gym mates.

-Some women spread their 6 make up bags all over the vanities/hair dryer stations before their workouts so it is impossible for others to get in there, and some are down right rude when another member should be so brave as to use the space before they do....ladies, we all pay the same membership fees, so we all will use these spaces.

Really, I love my gym, but the locker room is an odd place; sort of a society all its own. Luckily I'm in and out of there in 30'.

oh and..the above is actually my post.

I wasn't primping, but there were these three women that got ready at the same time I'd be heading out. I decided to talk to them one day, and we found we had a lot in common. It got to the point where we were just sitting around cracking jokes and drinking coffee for like an hour. It was the best. I was already dressed, though. We were just having some fun. And other women got in on it too- the morning group of women were a great group. We had an executive locker room for women that was inside the locker room, and the women in there would open the door and prop it open so we could all talk. Plus, they gave us the complimentary drinks from the executive room, which was cool. Then we'd all leave together for work. I really enjoyed those days.

Koffee

It always surprises me that Americans are not at all relaxed about nidity. The Germans and the Dutch just don't care, the Brits are more reserved, but many Yanks can be real prudes.

Or have I got this wrong?

Maybe it's something to do with the Pilgrim Father heritage?

No,you are right on. It sounds like some of you guys are paying way to much attention in there. You know a lot of details. I'm thinking some of you are the ones with the miniature penis and your walking around with the towel hanging down hiding it from sight. You know who you are.

I don't generally have a problem with another guy coming up and talking to me while I'm nude and/or changing, its when he starts to comment on my body I get a litter weirded out. Most the time its just locker room chat IE "Did you see who won the game last night?" Or "Did you get a load of that chick in the <Insert colour here>?" Then again most these guys also assume I am much older than I am :D but other than that I have no problems with them.

Elvish

Bill: I'm totally with you man. A lot of these kids sound like I was when I was in 6th grade when it comes to nudity. That was the first time we guys had to shower together in an community shower. At first we all kinda didn't look at each other and did it as quickly as possible, but then we all relaxed and it was time to goof off with your teamates. By the time we were in 7th grade even, it was just natural to be naked in the locker room shooting the ****. Now that I'm in college and swimming for my university, the locker room is the place for the guys to make plans for parties and tell jokes. Some of these posts make me wonder what's happend to comradery in sports locker rooms.

I find the last few responses to be quite funny. While you may feel comfortable with your own nudity, a very large majority of the heterosexual male population have no desire to see your naked body - I will guarantee you that.

Paying way too much attention? Better read the post again, because I stated clearly that I don't want anyone's attention, and I don't give any of mine.

And somehow, you jump to the convoluted conclusion that because someone likes to cover up, that they must have a small penis? Why would you be concerned with how large another man's penis is? I certainly don't care about another man's organ - why would it concern you? Perhaps you can't grasp the concept of modesty. It sounds like you're the one who's "paying way too much attention in there" (your words). And that gives me another reason to feel uncomfortable.