david58

6 years old. Maybe too young to qualify for this thread, but...
Straddled a bicycle, kinda walking it around since I couldn't balance yet.
Found that if I pointed it downhill, I could coast and stay upright.
Also found that on a long, steep downhill, you go fast.
Looong driveway, very steep. Ditch on the other side of the road.h
Blue flashed before my eyes. Then green.
Blue. Green. Blue. Green.
Opened my eyes to my dad's face in the sea of blue sky.
And laughed and asked to do it again.

Now, the Jackass quality stuff I did as a teen, well, it wasn't on a bike but FAILED on a pretty regular basis anywho.....

tergal

ouch ....

Steve B.

1) Our local park for mt. biking was closed, gate shut and all after a snow/sleet storm that left a glaze on top of the snow.

I went anyway, parked across the street from the locked gate and had an OK time in the snow.

Was riding back to the car and notice a grass (parks dept.) cop at the gate. Just as I'm riding up to the gate and as Mr. Cop is exiting his vehicle to lecture me, I slip and go sideways on the patch of ice. Mr. Cop had a verbal field day with me.

2) Same park, riding on a single track early one morning, come around a bend in the trail and get stopped by a yellow "Police Line - Do Not Cross" tape blocking the trail. Oh - Screw - This I think, having been born with an unhealthy disrespect for authority and ride under and onward.

A few turns in the trail later and the reason for the yellow tape is apparent, right next to the trail is a crashed single engine aeroplane sitting amongst the trees, all broken up. OH Crap, and I move on quickly, only to find another yellow tape that I now have to go under to the trail end where sits a State of NY Trooper in vehicle. He reads me the riot act. Turns out the plane ran out of gas the night before in the rain, while searching for the nearby airport. The pilot and passenger survived.

3) I'm in Santa Fe, NM for the summer (wife worked at the Opera, I vacationed), borrow the car one morning telling wife "I"m heading over to Los Alamos for some mt. biking". En-route I decide to detour and head up towards Taos (50 miles in another direction), to a place called Amole Canyon off route 518. A winter cross-country ski area, with some single track I wanted to check out. I drive a few miles up a dirt road, park under some pine trees and start biking. The trail almost immediately is too steep for biking and I'm pushing the bike up the hill. I then see a cow ambling up the trail about 50 - 70 ft in front of me. "Great" I think, I hate dealing with cows in the backcountry !. I keep pushing and glance again at the cow. Big assed thing, red'ish fur, no tail. I stop. Cows have tails. This thing doesn't. Cows don't have fur.

Possibly because it's a bear.

I suddenly realize that I have broken about 6 major rules about heading into the backcountry. I'm alone. Nobody knows where I am, the wife thinks I'm over in Los Alamos. No note on the dashboard. Car parked way the hell up a road nobody drives on. Car is under the trees where a search plane will not spot it. Hills too damned steep for riding anyway so I head back.

From 20/20 hindsight and 20 years, I realize that I did a whole lot of solo backcountry riding that was pretty remote, with no margin for error in a lot of cases and long before cell phones. In many cases I was 10-20 miles out, which translates into a really long walk with a mechanical or injury. Or a long wait for help in area's that I never saw 4wd vehicles. I wouldn't do any of that again.

Ranger Dan

During the summer when I was 9 years old, I was on a baseball team where it was considered cool to wear your baseball cap with the brim pulled way down low. The lower, the better. I pulled mine down far enough that I ran into a parked car on my ride home after practice one day. Luckily, I don't think anyone saw it and I wasn't going fast enough to sustain any significant injury.

mprelaw

Yup, it's a brain fart that only happens once.

shoemakerpom

When I was 16 me and my bike crew kids tested Skyway's claim to an unbrakeable mag wheel. We setup a couple house doors we found in a dumbster at the end of our apartment parking lot to make a launch ramp. From there it was about a 100ft distance at about a 20 ft drop in elevation to the sidewalk and street from the grass hill to the ramp.My buddy launched off the ramp and completley missed any of the grass in which to land and landed on the sidewalk before the street. The rim exploded and he managed to roll without getting too hurt.This was in the days before jackass or helmets or any other crap you see today and was just something we were always trying to test on our bikes as kids. I miss those days of no fear.........

Bikeforumuser0017

For me, run a red light. For my friends/family, my dumb cousin tried throwing a golf ball into the spokes of my wheel while I was on my trainer (I stopped before it could happen) and my friend thought I made a right turn signal, he was on my left, I kept going straight and he turned right into me.

thryn

I spoked my fingers trying to stabilize my front fender, thinking maybe that was what was rattling. (It wasn't.) Not recommended!

OKIE_55

Years ago as a teen, I rode my old bike with 24" balloon tires, longhorn bars, and a single saddle with springs, over to a friends house. His neighbor had a teen daughter a little older than I, well she was out sunning in a lawn chair, in her front yard. I couldn't keep my eyes off her and ran into the rear of a parked car. I went up and over onto the trunk, the bike's front tire got stuck to the rear bumper holding the bike up, and I was so embarrassed I think my entire body turned red. I pulled the bike from the bumper and rode away as fast as I could, changing my mind on seeing my friend next door.

tom cotter

I rode my bike naked once. More than a few beers, empty campground, one dare leads to another, You know... Let's just leave it that it's not all it's cracked up to be!

Notso_fastLane

I grew up in the Air Force and our family almost always lived on base. When I was about 7 or 8, me, and about 6 of my friends in the neighborhood who all had bikes, decided, after watching a Thunderbirds airshow, that we could replicate some of those stunts on our bicycles (this was mid-70s, so mostly banana seat Schwinns), and take advantage of the newly installed speedbumps on the roads for jumping.

There were lots of mishaps, crashes, and replaced spokes.... No helmets back then, either.

Altair 4

I guess that's why that call it a dumbster.

Back in the '70's, shortly after I bought a brand spankin' new 10 speed with my lawn mowing money, I went for a ride and was simply flying around the neighborhood, testing how far I could lean over while navigating a turn. I discovered that the angle of allowable lean has much to do with the length of the crank as well as the position of the crank. The left pedal caught the pavement and I went down big time, the bike skiddering away with me sliding on the blacktop. Surprisingly, other than the reflector on the bottom of the pedal being slightly bent and the bar tape being slightly torn, the bike was left pretty much without a scratch. No so for the rider....

Jax Rhapsody

When i was a teen me and a few friends were entering a bike walk trail that comnects all the river sided parks, there was a hill that turned. I went down fast and drifted the turn peeling off the tire and losing my k-cutter in the brush.

If youve been to louisville, you may know 4th st live. Not too long ago there was a portable stage being taken down i was sure to fit under- if it wasnt for my backpack. The only time i had been embarrassed on a bike. I quickly backed out and darted off.

I remember me and a buddy took my schwinn world tourist and a similar model schwinn to the skate park. Never again.

There are various access grates all over down town, i was balls to the walls on the sidewalk after a rain shower. I started skidding and fish tailling, luckily it ran to sidewalk just as i was about to spin out.

JReade

When I was 13, I saw the front brake rubbing on the rim. I decided that I could fix it real quick, but was afraid to reach down and grab it. No big deal, I'll just tap it with my foot.

Even better caveat: I was riding my bike with no shoes, coming back from the pool.

I've never stopped so fast in my life.

tergal

lambo2124

swirved at the last second between two buses, almost got crushed.

insylem

Not sure where these fall on the Stupid Bicycle scale. Maybe they are just crazy stories. Not in cronological order.

1. Going down a grassy hill fast on my BMX into some tall grass. Hit an unseen log. Next thing I know I'm flat on my back and my bike is flying through the air landing next to me.
   
   
2. During the annual town festival traffic can get really backed up. There I was riding along in my Huffy as fast as I could between the row of cars parked on the side of the road and the row of cars moving slowly down the road due to traffic congestion. All it would have taken for disaster was 1 car door.
   
   
3. Went 30mph down hill once on a Mt Bike. We were in a hurry to get back to town hopefully before the thunderstorm hit. I was afraid my bike would fall apart from going too fast. Nope didn't make it. Got caught in the rain. Didn't crash though
   
4. Tried to ride in sand on street tires.
   
5. When rideing near a curb, got target fixated on the curb and was unable to turn away until I hit it. Didn't know what target fixation was at the time.
   
6. Riding my Mtn bike to school some kids told me about some other kids who were going to try to shove a stick through my spokes. As I aproched them the stick came to my rear spokes, as my foot came to the stick kicking it out of their hands. Stick went flying, never touched a spoke.

iamtim

When I was racing BMX back in the day, my dad let me do my own basic maintenance on my bike. One day before a practice session at our local open track (for those of you in So Cal, this was the La Mirada Regional Park track), I decided to change the chainring and try a different gear ratio.

"Make sure you tighten down the chainring bolts," my dad said as I was putting the new chainring on. "Yeah, dad, duh, I got it," I replied.

"Did you tighten down the chainring bolts?" he asked as he loaded my bike into the stationwagon. "Gah, dad, jeeze, yeah, I tightened 'em," I replied.

"And... you tightened the chainring bolts, right?" he asked as he unloaded my bike at the track and I began riding up to the hill. "Dammit, dad, yes, they're tight," I replied.

The track had a long, steep downhill. I took off like a bat out of hell and about half-way down... well, it turns out I'd only FINGER tightened the chainring bolts. The chainring flies off, my bits slam into the top-tube and stem, my arms go over the bars and my knees and feet just drag on the ground. For about 10 feet the bike fishtailed wildly until I went ass over teakettle... about 4 times. And of course, no helmet... I mean, c'mon, I was 14, 15 maybe, and I knew what I was doing.

Luckily I emerged mostly unscathed (can't say the same for my bike... bent the bars and chainring, grips got thrashed) and slowly stood up, wide-eyed, looking at my bike and the little bits of road-rash I got.

My dad was PISSED. The old lady at the park was ready to call the cops on account of she thought he was going to beat me senseless right there.

Jax Rhapsody

I rode so fast on i think my lotus pegasus and it started to get the death wobbles.

F350Lawman

Distant Past: Lots of jumping from ramps over of various size fires...each kid getting dumber and dumber, and fires getting higher and longer..

Not SO Distant Past: Trying to impress my kids on my son's Haro freestyle BMX bike and X-Games ramp...1st sloooow jump ok, 2nd faster jump better...3rd all out jump (proceeded by proclamation "see Dad's still got it!")

...well not so much I guess. Great air time and good landing... BUT upon landing the right grip instantly came completely off, the bars spun, instant headlong turbo launch over the bars and into the road. My kids did a 90% good job of hiding their laughter, and I did a 90% good job of pretending to be AOK as I went inside for first aid. "Ughh kids, Dad's gonna go get a drink...ughhh" My ankle was as wide as a small oak tree with swelling...nasty

xtrajack

Rode into a parked car once (in '80 or 81).

Murray Missile 

In my 20's I bought a Miyata 510, I had just brought it home and was trying it out in the street in front of my apartment. My buddies and I had downed a few cold ones and they started yelling "Wheelie! Wheelie!" Soooooo...... I yanked on the bars and pushed down on the pedal as hard as I could not anticipating how easily the front wheel would come up! Also forgetting that the bike had toe clips and my feet were firmly strapped in them. I went all the way over, feet still strapped in. The bike didn't get a scratch, it landed on top of me. My friends had to come lift it up and help me get my feet out of the toe clips. Some minor road rash on me but that was it. Did I mention my apartment was on main street of our small town, right next to the bank and it was Friday afternoon so half the town was in the bank depositing their pay checks? Yeah, just about everybody in town saw me and the few that didn't heard about it.

I've done MUCH dumber things but they weren't on bicycles but they were all in my 20's with a "few" cold ones involved. My 30th birthday party was a bonafide "occasion" because I realized there was no logical reason I should have lived that long and it was time to settle my butt down.

Brennan

It all happened in my youth (what a shocker).

1. Had some of the neighborhood kids lie down in front of a ramp so i could jump over them Evel Knievel style.
2. Intentionally rode my bike into a pool, creating a large oil slick on the surface.
3. Wasn't paying attention and ran into the back of a parked car.

Jseis 

Coming down the Tobermory Peninsula (with three friends touring a way west from Seattle) we kept running across RR tracks at the bottom of these little valleys so as I was hauling A as I approached them, I just started jumping them with my fully loaded bike. The 3rd called me out. I pulled up to jump and yanked the bike out from under me, slamming into the asphalt on my left shoulder...shredding T shirt & skin. The bike flew off right into a curb and potato chipped the front rim. The gang caught up to me, shook their heads, tended my wounds and then it took another 2 hours to bend & true the front wheel to some semblance of "round" but I couldn't use the front brake as the rim bent on the butt weld. My MSR helmet? Yeah...it was strapped to the rear rack like all smart 21 year olds would do.

memebag

The stupidest thing I've ever done on a bike was not max out my 401K contributions.