Top gun school of Cycling
10-06-04, 11:55 PM
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I am going to open my own "top Gun" school for cycling in order to help other new cyclists win "dogfights" 
with other (more experiened and therefore misguided)cyclists.
Key concepts of my school.
1. Never ride a triple
2. Employ the 11-23 cassette....always
3. Never spin....always push
4. Pedal down hills....always even if You are scared
5. Avoid aluminum frames at all costs (especially evil compact frames)
6. Never wave to other cyclists...wrecks concentration
7 Always ride with this face ---->
(Look of determination in the face of adversity!)
8. Never draft.....this is acceptable in a race, but is cheating during training. Drafting makes you lazy!
9 Never take advantage of tailwind....turn around and ride into it!!!!
10. Climb out of the Saddle......hustle that bike up that hill!
11. Bicycling tights......
12. Never inform cyclist ahead that you will pass them on the left.....instead click the right shifter to 11T and blast right by him at 40mph!! That's why we train hard....to display awesome sprinter like speed!!(kind of like the flyby of control tower in the movie Top Gun)
13. Never lose a race....losing is not an option for my students.
14. If no.13 happens you will feel like this------>
15. Take the long way home....you don't want to be lazy
16. Rely on yourself not your equipment...That's why Top Gun was founded too many pilots relying on long range missile shots (carbon fiber widgets), but no skill with their cannon (legs)
17. The enemy deserves no mercy....If you see enemy cyclist fixing flat on side of road and he was foolish enough to leave pump on ground...Run over pump.
Target down!
18. "If you never go 35 mph, you'll never go 35 mph." "Don't expect to do well at any particular speed - be it 30, 25, 20 or even 15 mph - if you consistently train at slower speeds."
19. Use a proper 42 ring!! No 39T...unless you want to be weak.
20. Lift weights so you can look like Chris Hoy and Me! Lance Who? Ullrich Who?
21. LIVESTRONG.......MY MOTTO: LOOKSTRONG
22. If you follow rule #4...you will be coasting up the hill when they are pedaling!!! My school would like to thank Sir Issac Newton for that one!!! When the hill turns upward those with the most momentum rule!!
23. On days you are feeling particularly mighty...mount wheels with bladed spokes facing the wrong way so that way you can be challenged.
Motto: You come in a n00b not knowing how to operate your bike......and leave a strong confident manly rider!!!!
with other (more experiened and therefore misguided)cyclists.Key concepts of my school.
1. Never ride a triple
2. Employ the 11-23 cassette....always
3. Never spin....always push
4. Pedal down hills....always even if You are scared
5. Avoid aluminum frames at all costs (especially evil compact frames)
6. Never wave to other cyclists...wrecks concentration
7 Always ride with this face ---->
(Look of determination in the face of adversity!)8. Never draft.....this is acceptable in a race, but is cheating during training. Drafting makes you lazy!
9 Never take advantage of tailwind....turn around and ride into it!!!!
10. Climb out of the Saddle......hustle that bike up that hill!
11. Bicycling tights......
12. Never inform cyclist ahead that you will pass them on the left.....instead click the right shifter to 11T and blast right by him at 40mph!! That's why we train hard....to display awesome sprinter like speed!!(kind of like the flyby of control tower in the movie Top Gun)
13. Never lose a race....losing is not an option for my students.
14. If no.13 happens you will feel like this------>
15. Take the long way home....you don't want to be lazy
16. Rely on yourself not your equipment...That's why Top Gun was founded too many pilots relying on long range missile shots (carbon fiber widgets), but no skill with their cannon (legs)
17. The enemy deserves no mercy....If you see enemy cyclist fixing flat on side of road and he was foolish enough to leave pump on ground...Run over pump.
Target down!18. "If you never go 35 mph, you'll never go 35 mph." "Don't expect to do well at any particular speed - be it 30, 25, 20 or even 15 mph - if you consistently train at slower speeds."
19. Use a proper 42 ring!! No 39T...unless you want to be weak.
20. Lift weights so you can look like Chris Hoy and Me! Lance Who? Ullrich Who?
21. LIVESTRONG.......MY MOTTO: LOOKSTRONG
22. If you follow rule #4...you will be coasting up the hill when they are pedaling!!! My school would like to thank Sir Issac Newton for that one!!! When the hill turns upward those with the most momentum rule!!
23. On days you are feeling particularly mighty...mount wheels with bladed spokes facing the wrong way so that way you can be challenged.
Motto: You come in a n00b not knowing how to operate your bike......and leave a strong confident manly rider!!!!
Last edited by 53-11 alltheway; 12-02-04 at 01:05 PM.
10-06-04, 11:57 PM
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And MERTON can be your only student.
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10-06-04, 11:59 PM
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10-07-04, 06:47 AM
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Sono più lento di quel che sembra.
Odio la gente, tutti.
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Sono più lento di quel che sembra.
Odio la gente, tutti.
Want to upgrade your membership? Click Here.
10-07-04, 08:03 AM
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Originally Posted by pjbaz
I applied to go there, but got busted down to riding a basket full of rubber dog $hit out of Taiwan.
PJ
PJ
P.S. People am I forgetting some rules? Hmmmm......let me think.....I'll go back and add this one!!!( no.11)
10-07-04, 08:04 AM
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We need a real photo of 53-11. I bet he is 5'2' tall @ 110 lbs... any takers?
10-07-04, 08:12 AM
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Originally Posted by 53-11 alltheway
5. Avoid aluminum frames at all costs!! 
8. Never draft.....makes you weak.
10. Never stand while climbing steep hill......You want to look weak?
8. Never draft.....makes you weak.
10. Never stand while climbing steep hill......You want to look weak?
8 You saying Lance is weak?
10. Again, is Lance weak?
Hahaha I'm JK'n you man.
10-07-04, 08:16 AM
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In my school we train you with steel.....I don't want to make it easy for you. Heck sometimes I throw some lead weights on your frame and make you climb up 35% grade with headwind.
10-07-04, 08:18 AM
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10-07-04, 08:26 AM
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Originally Posted by Crunkologist
I thinking of more rules. Let's see....this will be no.16
10-07-04, 08:27 AM
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I was looking for the one where the guy goes, "I want some butts!" but I could not find it 
10-07-04, 08:29 AM
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The Rules of Bike Club
- You do not talk about Bike Club.
- You do not talk about Bike Club.
- If someone says "stop" or goes limp, bonks out, you bike over him.
- Only two bikes per rider.
- Ride one bike at a time.
- No underwear, no tennis shoes.
- Rides will go on as long as they have to.
- If this is your first time at Bike Club, you have to ride.
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"Be liberal in what you accept, and conservative in what you send." -- Jon Postel, RFC1122
1999 K2 OzM
2001 Aegis Aro Svelte"Be liberal in what you accept, and conservative in what you send." -- Jon Postel, RFC1122
10-07-04, 08:30 AM
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Originally Posted by Crunkologist
I was looking for the one where the guy goes, "I want some butts!" but I could not find it
10-07-04, 09:03 AM
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Originally Posted by khuon
The Rules of Bike Club
- You do not talk about Bike Club.
- You do not talk about Bike Club.
- If someone says "stop" or goes limp, bonks out, you bike over him.
- Only two bikes per rider.
- Ride one bike at a time.
- No underwear, no tennis shoes.
- Rides will go on as long as they have to.
- If this is your first time at Bike Club, you have to ride.
10-07-04, 09:17 AM
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Originally Posted by khuon
The Rules of Bike Club
- You do not talk about Bike Club.
- You do not talk about Bike Club.
- If someone says "stop" or goes limp, bonks out, you bike over him.
- Only two bikes per rider.
- Ride one bike at a time.
- No underwear, no tennis shoes.
- Rides will go on as long as they have to.
- If this is your first time at Bike Club, you have to ride.
10-07-04, 09:33 AM
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I'll sign up but only if these additional rules are added:
- no. 17 - no down hill riding, always point the front wheel up - downhill is for girly bikers
- no. 18 - always wear oversized, flapping clothing that flair away in the high speed breeze
- no. 19 - 53-11 in the rear is ok but always wear a 60-50 up front
- nope, wrong on no.19 only need the big ring up front, only wuzzies use the small ring
- no. 20 - only short cycling shorts permitted so the bulging quads can be viewed by all admirers
- no. 21 - upper legs must be shaved and oiled
- no. 22 - seek all cobble road surfaces, nothing like a great thumping to maintain focus
- no. 23 - never ride with padded gloves, detracts from the feel of the bars and the thumping
- no. 24 - never use girly aero bars, too aerodynamic
- no. 24 supplementals - never use disked wheels, star wars aero helmets, or skin suits. Air is for moving not fooling.
- no. 25 - grow long ponytail length hair to look cool and provide head drag
- no. 26 - wear soft soled converses so the feel of the pedals is real
- no. 27 - use double straped toe clips with heavy cinching to prevent foot slippage during 60/11 mashing
- no. 28 - tire pressure limited to 50 psi to provide a true road feel
- no. 29 - no tire repair assessories - if you flat, run home with those 30" quads
and finally no. 30 - no need for carbs and high energy drinks for those long rides and races, only a tube of sausage and a dozen slim jims to keep the quads fueled
Please sent app.
- no. 17 - no down hill riding, always point the front wheel up - downhill is for girly bikers
- no. 18 - always wear oversized, flapping clothing that flair away in the high speed breeze
- no. 19 - 53-11 in the rear is ok but always wear a 60-50 up front
- nope, wrong on no.19 only need the big ring up front, only wuzzies use the small ring
- no. 20 - only short cycling shorts permitted so the bulging quads can be viewed by all admirers
- no. 21 - upper legs must be shaved and oiled
- no. 22 - seek all cobble road surfaces, nothing like a great thumping to maintain focus
- no. 23 - never ride with padded gloves, detracts from the feel of the bars and the thumping
- no. 24 - never use girly aero bars, too aerodynamic
- no. 24 supplementals - never use disked wheels, star wars aero helmets, or skin suits. Air is for moving not fooling.
- no. 25 - grow long ponytail length hair to look cool and provide head drag
- no. 26 - wear soft soled converses so the feel of the pedals is real
- no. 27 - use double straped toe clips with heavy cinching to prevent foot slippage during 60/11 mashing
- no. 28 - tire pressure limited to 50 psi to provide a true road feel
- no. 29 - no tire repair assessories - if you flat, run home with those 30" quads
and finally no. 30 - no need for carbs and high energy drinks for those long rides and races, only a tube of sausage and a dozen slim jims to keep the quads fueled
Please sent app.