bigfred 

Mrs. Fred just e-mailed me from her ipad, whilst sitting across the room but in sight, the receipt for the fact that she just registered me for a 110km race on Saturday.

It seems, one of Mrs. Fred's co-worker's friends works for one of the sponsoring companies and has bullied the two of them into signing up.

I'm thinking my best bet for ensuring a good ride is to stop by the butchers tomorrow evening, purchase a couple moderate sized but extremely overpriced and tasty steaks, the bottle shop across the street for their best bottle of red, the fruit & veg next to that for some asparagus and put it all on "Her Card".

Any other ideas?

Should I ride tomorrow (Friday)?

Should I substitute beer for the red wine?

I'm thinking perhaps a stop at the super market to load up on dates and the American Store for some fresh Fig Newtons.

What else should I be considering?

bmontgomery87

Have you been riding regularly?

I'd suggest a box of pasta and a loaf of bread.

Fat Boy

Sounds like you've got it dialed to me, Fred.

OldTryGuy

Make sure the dates are Medjool and stuff them with some freshly ground peanuts. Save the beer until after the ride to have with a steak for carbs and protein.

bigfred 

Not really. I've been on the comeback trail after herniating a disc in my back and not riding August, September or October. My fitness has been returning. But, I haven't done anything longer than 80km since resuming cycling. At least I'm familiar with the course. But, there's no way I'm ready for this. It's going to be an exercise in seeking shelter, avoiding the front and holding on long enough that a few others have been shed before I get dropped. Then hopefully finding there's a groupetto and enjoying a nice ride.

How's that for a strategic gameplan? The tactics for accomplishing that plan will include: Hiding, using the brakes on descents to stay back in the group, looking for another big guy who's wheel I can suck.

Carbonfiberboy 

Don't ride Friday, to bed early Thursday, up early Friday. Eggs and oatmeal 2-3 hrs. before, if you tolerate that. Or what I use, basically 400 cal. of Sustained Energy or an analogue 3 hours before. The steak and wine sounds great for after and after the after. Have you tried SportLegs? Don't forget the caffeine.

Myosmith

I personally think that when your wife signs you up for a race to impress one of her friends, on short notice, you would absolutely NEED a trip to the bike shop with her credit card to "make sure you are ready".

Other than that, ride tomorrow like a light recovery day and get plenty of rest. I've never been a believer in gorging on pasta and bread prior to an event, but a good complex carb breakfast (hot and waiting when you get up) would be in order.

bigfred 

Thanks. I needed that. I haven't got the correct bottle of wine dialed quite yet. But, will let everyone know which one I go with.

One of my concerns is that I would like to quietly drop off the back of the pack at some point without any of my mates noticing. However, given my realative size, they're likely to want to be behind me.

I think I might go rummaging through the boxes in the closet to see if I can find an old jersey that they won't recognize. Something grey, or black, that'll just blend in and disappear.

bigfred 

Oh God! You're suggesting I take this one seriously. That's a recipe for real humiliation! My fitness is currently no where near what it was at this point last year. I'm adopting the "joke about it" and "treat it like a really high quality training ride" in an effort to maintaint some dignity.

There's a pretty good 150m climb over 2.5km just 5km into it. If someone is kind enough to push the pace up that, and chances are pretty good that there will be, it's an excellent selection point, it'll be my first opportunity to quietly disappear while everyone I know is too busy being tachycardic.

bigfred 

Now that is value! Exactly what I was looking for. Cycle City, here I come. Not sure what I need to "be prepared" but I'm sure I can sort that out once I'm there. A fist full of Gu's, a couple tubes, some lube, at the very least. I wonder if they have any of those new 28mm GP4000s'. I think my tires might be a bit thin. Wouldn't want to suffer a an unexpected blowout. Some new socks.

Thanks.

Carbonfiberboy 

I take everything seriously, otherwise I'm off the back of the groupetto. We call it the "Laughing Group."

cyclezen

This **** works! Honestly, I feel 6 months younger when I take them! Every lil bit helps...

bigfred 

Don't worry I'll be properly caffeinated and I usually carry a double caffeine/double carb bonk buster if things get really desperate. However, I suspect my lack of muscular endurance will prevent me from emptying the stored energy tank that far.

Fatigue related cramps on the other hand, will probably be a major concern. I'll have to look for some Sportlegs today. I haven't used that one before. Right now I have a homeopathic cramp spray that I don't fully believe in, as well as supplementing with magnesium, which I do believe helps.

Carbonfiberboy 

Tums for cramps. Works. Regular strength, when the first twinge hits. That might be a problem . . .

bigfred 

Even though I started this thread largely as a joke, it's proving to be valuable. Go figure, BF never seises to amaze. Ask a serious, well worded, specifici question in the 41 and get unrelated replies about everything "but" what you've asked about. Toss out a flippant thread about the fact that your wife has taken it upon herself to commit you to something you're not prepared for and end up with a meaningful discussion about what you can do at the last minute to minize the pain and humiliation of watching your buddies and training partners cycle off into the distance.

Tums will be easy to find.

I'm drawing up a shopping list for the post race picnic while we await the awards. At least I might maintain our reputation for laying out a reasonable spread in the grass to graze on.

Carbonfiberboy 

You're smart and know what you're doing. You'll have the advantage of being well-rested and undertrained. You might be surprised. Picnic sounds great!

Carbonfiberboy 

So how'd it go?

StanSeven

Too soon I think. He's in NZ and the time zone is 3 or 4 days difference

bigfred 

About as poorly as expected. Do you really want me to list all the things I relearned?

More like 12 hours ahead, but, 30 years behind.

Carbonfiberboy 

Heck yes! "So little time, so much to know."

Road Fan

I'd personally hit the bike shop, do the training ride, additional training in the race, and not neglect any of the fueling, wine, stimulants and energy foods we've been recommending. This is serious, man! It's steak!

Is she going to ride it with you?

Edit! Sorry, you done it already! So at least, how was the steak, what was the wine, did you get a new bike, and did she like the ride? And, is your back still intact?

bigfred 

Agreed Pre-Race Objective: Remember that I enjoy riding my bike even when I'm not seeing performance improvements.

So, based on the collective wisdom of Bikeforums.net I went shopping.

Cycle City yielded little in the way of things I actually "Need". Since I was there I purchased a few GUs and ordered a Lezyne Phone Wallet. Surely the anticipation of getting a gadget to help insure the safety of my other gadget would provide enthusiasm on the following day.

I couldn't find "Tums", so I purchase a generic alternative. Who knows if they're identical or not. It doesn't matter, becasue I didn't take them. I probably should have. But, oh well. I'll experiment with these at a later date.

Again bowing to the Bikeforums collective I substituted chicken instead of steak for the prerace dinner:
[IMG][/IMG]
No wine.

I showed up at a local shop ride recently in some really inclement weather and was joined by a single junior racer. One of the salesman, obviously either impressed with our harditudeness (that would be a patented word) or feeling sorry for us, gave us a few drink mixes that include electrolytes. I figured surely a bottle of those in addition to my normal maltodextrin mix would be helpful.

I can't comment on how much the electrolytes would have helped. It was undrinkable. Yuck!

Lesson relearned: Don't try anything new on race day.

So, we showed up, but without enough time for me to really get a warmup and still line up anywhere near the front. So, I was facing a reasonable climb within 3km of starting and without warming up.

Lesson relearned: Show up with way more time than you think you may need and always warmup.

Off we went. Two guys pinched down on my front wheel and nearly came to a stop letting quite a few by. I got boxed to the side of the road and a guy just ahead suffered a flat. The group split like the Red Sea for some idiot lying crosswise in the middle of the pavement (don't know wtf happened to cause that). I managed my way to the center line and moved back up a fair bit. But, as we began the climb I again found myself against the gutter with the guy immediately ahead and outside of me screaming "chain, chain, chain". We were at the beginning of the climb and already this wasn't looking good.

Just where I wanted to be. Amongst the announomous many:

[IMG][/IMG]

I set my pace according to my HR and watched as the entire lead bunch (that I managed to hold last year) cycled away. Upon summitting I found a couple of young guys I thought I might be able to work with. But, they were too busy screwing with each other and me, to consider working together for the common good. I sat up and waited.

Success! My plan was working. First climb complete and already I was free of the obligation of keeping up with the lead bunch.

So, when a couple of "more mature" guys came by I grabbed their wheel. Now, we had some cooperation. Turns were taken. The young punks reeled in. A few more added to the group. Soon we were 9. And before I knew it we were "many". (Sorry, I can't be bothered to count past 12 while working)

A big decent followed by a long slow undulating climb. One of those undulating climbs that isn't hard enough to shake you, but, that requires constant steady high output puncuated by the occassional deep dig. The sort of miles that really wear on me. And then, 14km of flats along the seashore. Into a quartering crosswind.

70km into the race and all was well as we turned left to begin the third and final set of climbs for the race. And, as I stood up

BOTH LEGS DOUBLE CRAMPED!

I almost fell off the bike. I avoided causing any accidents, made it to the side of the road and slowly pedaled as I watched my group ascend away from me. Bah, Bye, Boys.

It's not like I didn't see this coming. I was feeling the fatigue in my legs and had been alternately standing on the flats, giving them a few slaps, shaking them, etc.

At this point I was completely and utterly failing to accomplish the Agree Prerace Objective. I was not "enjoying cycling despite a lack of improvement". Made worse by good buddies from the club and some of those I ride with on Saturdays catching up to and passing me with:

"What are you doing back here?"
"Wow. Um,....have a nice ride."
"Fred? Is that you? I thought you would be up ahead."
"Holy Cow. What happened to you?"

Grrrrrrr.

I finally limped to the summit and began the descent. I finally started to enjoy riding again. And, the nice photo man even took a shot of me:

[IMG][/IMG]

A few more went past offering wheels. But, they were too few in number or too high in speed (some were still 'trying') for me to bother with.

Finally, a real laughing group, large enough in number and slow enough in speed, came by. I grabbed a wheel, integrated in and cruised the final 25km to the finish with this bunch.

Tack 00:17 onto last years finish time and movement from top 25% of the field to bottom 25%.

However, the post race picnic of watermelon, pineapple and rock melon was excellent.

I need to rebuild my base.

Heathpack 

I chalk it up to the last-minute chicken substitution (compounded IMO by skipping the wine). Always go with the steaks. Or at a minimum, lamb chops. Lesson learned, I hope.



H

Carbonfiberboy 

Well see, you had fun for a little while. And as we all know, the wages of fun are pain. But really, sounds like a great day on the bike in beautiful weather. One can only feel humiliated, one is not humiliated. Been there so many times. Though I still love doing the business to others, I no longer mind having it done to me. I think that's weird.

I noticed you said "Grrrr." Occasionally one hears an English announcer say, "He hadn't turned the pedals in anger . . . etc." We had a discussion over beer after the group ride today about that phenomenon and why "real roadies" don't wave. None of us really give a sh*t about that. We just ride our bikes and see who we can hurt today.

We had one poor sucker who was off the back today with his pad all in a twist. Well dude, the rest of us have objectives for this summer and have been training our flab off for 2 months already. Sympathy was in short supply. Heck, being off the back is a training objective.