That's because I'd have my butt handed to me on a platter if I tried to compete.

The cool thing about being a Fred is that it's easier to have fun because you can ride however you like. You can go slow, fast, ride intervals, or tool about in the countryside and no one cares. If you drop Road Nazis, people mistake you for being a real cyclist and are nice to you. People look with contempt upon the Road Nazis except when they are crushing souls. Even then, no one is nice to them.