A perfectly valid rant, Joe.
I believe the danger posed by drivers talking on cell phones while they attempt to drive, comes partly from sheer distraction, but is also partly due to the particular kind of attention required to carry on a phone conversation.
It's not like speaking to somebody physically present, face to face, or even beside you (or in the back seat) in a car. It's a whole different kind of activity, requiring concentration of the kind used in reading or writing, in which the perception of environmental sounds can be completely lost for moments at a time.
That's why I think the "hands-free" approach is no safer than handheld, except that both hands are rendered available for the steering wheel (or cigarettes).