-Well, my great grandfather was one of the men who created the first track bike.
-My grandfather raced them with the best of the best.
-My dad works at a PBR factory. I was raised on it... forget breast milk
-My brother is in Modest Mouse
-I skid to my destinations as oppose to riding to them
-I have 12 track bikes, all of which I never built myself
-Both of my arms have tattoo sleeves
-I can deliver a package 50 blocks in 2 minutes
-Never ate an ounce of meat in my life
-I invented the rolling of the pant leg
-I own 56 cycling hats
-I wear camy everything
-All of my t-shirts are black
-I only go to "hip" bars and my tab, from drinking PBR, is about $750
-I have the biggest mess. bag on the planet


So there, I think Im in the clear.

See you POSEURS on the street... and stay out of my way!