A few ideas I came up with:
- Go to 26" wheels.
- Take the valve caps off your tubes.
- Fill the tires with helium.
- File down excess rubber on the brake pads.
- Get narrower handlebars.
- Take one of your pedals off.
- Take the tape off your handlebars.
- Take all the logo decals off the frame. Better yet, remove the paint too.
- Just remove the bottle cages for good. Drink at convenience stores.
- Cut off the bottom of your seat post.
That should be a start.
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Bring the pain.