"Are you always that hard on yourself? You should ride because you love it, not where you finish compared to others."

I am not always that hard on myself. I am with you that I should ride for the love of cycling. There are, however, periods that I try and improve my fitness so that I may love the next level. I like to climb. Mountain roads always offer a "magic" ride for me. I recently rode from Redding, CA to the entrance to Mt Lassen Park. The road and scenery were terrific. The traffic was friendly and the downhill back was exhilirating (45.5 mph in places).
I am trying to get to the next level so that I can do several of the Sierra passes before snow sets in. I need more work.
Thank you for pointing out the real reason I ride.