One black leotard that's a size too small for you.
One sailor's watch cap.
One pair of black ninja shoes that you can run in.
Tire repair kit.
Pump.
Class 3 minature laser.
Video camera.

Set your alarm for 2:30 am.
Go to the bike.
Set up the video camera and turn it on to document the operation.
Laser cut the cable.
Fix the flat tires.
Pump 'em up.
...don't forget the camera.
Ride her home, clean her up, take her down to the local co-op.

Publish the video as the latest nouveaux art film and make millions.