Things I've learned:

Road rash isn't really a "rash" at all.
White bikes are the fastest - until I get on them.
An overdraft has noting to do with banking. It has to do with not taking your proper pull at the front.
A coffee shop might be a great ride destination, but only if there's ample places to "get rid of the coffee" on the way home.
Cycling tights really are tight.
A wind breaker and breaking wind are two entirely different things.
Clean chains never break or jump off the chainrings. Only dirty ones do that.
One of the most important skills you can learn about dismounting is that of remembering if you're riding your straight top tube bike or your sloping top tube bike.