Originally Posted by
tenzing211
I like to ride, and my wife likes to ride, but she seems to get angry when we're out on a group ride. I am at a loss. Should we just not try to ride together anymore? Is it possible for married folks to ride together? HELP!
Is she all right when the two of you are riding alone together on a route she has chosen, at a pace she has chosen?
Originally Posted by
truckstop
He's supportive and nice about it, but when you're struggling and in pain and see other people just tooling along with no problem it can make for grouchy. ...... I can't take the constant commentary and coaching.
This is true. I'm an experienced cyclist who has been riding for years and years, but I'm going through a tough time just now. Deep Vein Thrombosis took away my fitness level, and the way life has gone this past year I haven't had the time or motivation to ride. So I'm starting from scratch ... and I hate that. I hate that I can't do what I used to be able to do. I know how to ride a bicycle. And I can remember very well being able to ride significantly faster and further than I can now. I used to knock off 20-30 centuries or longer rides every year for many years, and they were merely casual training rides for me, but now I struggle to do a fraction of that distance.
I don't want advice of any sort ... no commentary or coaching. But some advice for the OP from years of riding with faster males ...
-- If we're passing a toilet, and if it has been a couple hours since the last toilet stop, slow up and ask "Do you need to use the toilet?", instead of flying past the toilet with no sign of stopping. A guy can go anywhere ... so can a woman, but speaking as a woman, if there's a toilet option available, I'd prefer it.
-- If I'm hungry, I will be grouchy. One of the early stages of bonking is irritability. Riding slower to allow me to eat, or stopping so I can eat, is appreciated.
-- Slowing up every couple hours and asking, "Would you like to stop for a little break soon?" is nice. This might be able to be tied in with the above two situations. And if we stop, I need time to get out some food and eat it, as well as time to make some adjustments such as removing a jacket, changing gloves, etc. I don't like being rushed.
-- If it looks like I'm struggling, I'm not after advice ... I know how to ride the bicycle ... but a big hug, and a "You're doing great!" goes over well.
-- If we're climbing, pass me and climb to the top of the hill, don't lurk near me ... that's just annoying. If you feel you must slow up so I can catch up, slow up just before the crest, and then start picking up speed again over the crest. I'll struggle up a hill, but by the time I hit the crest I've got a good head of steam going and I'm thinking, "Must make up time on this descent!!" ... it's very discouraging if the person in front is dilly-dallying at the top and I've got to hit the brakes so as not to run into the back of him.
-- If the climb is really long, or if we've done several climbs in a row, I may want to stop at the top of the long climb, or the top of the 6th or 7th shorter climbs. There comes a point, when I've been doing a lot of climbing, where my legs feel weak and shaky ... I probably need to eat, and I find it difficult to eat or drink while I'm climbing. So I need a break. But here's the catch ... I also like to take photos, so if the stop at the top of the hill can coincide with a beautiful view ... all the better!!
-- Trying to make me ride faster will not go over well. There's usually a reason why I'm riding the pace I'm riding ... I might be in pain, that might be as fast as I can go just then, I might simply not want to ride any faster because I'm enjoying the pace I'm riding.
-- I am a woman, and there are times of the month where circumstances are that I'm tired and/or in pain. For me, it's a couple days before and the first couple days of the event in question. In an ideal world, all I want to do is to curl up in bed with a hot water bottle, but I'm out there riding my bicycle. I'm sitting on a saddle in a position that is not particularly comfortable under the circumstances. I may be riding because I want the exercise or because there's an event I want to complete, but it's an effort. Have some sympathy ... or we women will describe what we're going through in minute detail!!!
-- Telling me that you feel great out there, no pain anywhere, and that this is a pleasant, casual, easy cruise for you will very likely create some grouchiness. The last thing someone who is struggling wants to hear is that their partner thinks this ride is the easiest thing ever. Invent a bit of knee pain or shoulder pain if you have to!!
I can't wait till I can ride like I used to again.