All of these guys are wrong.

The best investment a mature "man of substance" can make in a bike is a custom steel frame. You want something that feels good. A perfectly fitting bike feels good. And feeling good makes you go fast.

A custom frame starts at about $1500-2000. Sure, it won't "weigh less than a fart and cost more than a divorce" like the fancy CF bikes. But it will be the most comfortable, useful, and fastest bike you ever owned.