I don't think you're being too fussy at all. I'm at least that fussy and find that being fussy about your gears will make you more comfortable and less injury prone. I have the same approach that you have. I have one bike with 9 speed rear, triple in front, running non-indexed barcons. It's totally simple and I have no problems with it. It's just like playing a trombone. In a few rides, you'll know exactly where your gears are and how to hit them first try. With barcons, you can run both shifters at the same time and never take your hands off the bars. I like that and it's safer. You also save about a pound over STI. 10-speed isn't going to be noticeably different from 9-speed, except that you'll have that extra cog I wish I had. And you'll wear out your chains faster. Try Finish Line Ceramic lube.

In redoing my derailleur pulleys for that bike, I took the float out of both of them and that made the shifting too fussy, though it worked fine on my STI bikes. So don't do that.