I was enjoying the article until I came to this paragraph:
He calculates that three weeks of hard pedalling will help on the belly front - which is coincidentally the same time it takes to receive a secret new credit card to pay for the shorts. Job done. Platinum status achieved with the online cycling retailer. Discounts on more kit, all of which is sent directly to the office rather than home.
First rule of Secret Bike Slush Fund is: Do not talk about Secret Bike Slush Fund!