My lateness is so epic that poems have been published about it in the New Yorker magazine. Since the subway is actually faster than cycling (over the river and through the woods, vs. a straight shot on the train) I now have to get up earlier and arrive even later. Does anyone know where I can purchase bullet-proof panniers? Walking in the door at work, I brace for sniper fire.

I used to regard this as a character flaw, but now I think that some people just have a different body clock. I dream of the day my coworkers need something done at 11 pm, at which point I save the day and am rewarded with a flexible work schedule for life. Like I said, it's a dream.