coat the frame with car wax, then paint it with INTERIOR latex paint, either white or yellow, The paint picks up dirt incredibly and will crack and craze in no time. Yellow lloks especially hideous. It all washes off with soap and water. Hang a dirty shop towel from the bars.

I have an uglified Columbia single speed out back that I don't even lock up. around here, they'll walk into your garage in broad daylight.

The bike runs awesome, but it is quite fugly. I painted it flat black to prevent rust, then drizzled various colors of paint all over it, like a Jackson Pollock painting. The tires got drizzled too. People laugh at this bike, which is the reaction I want. I leave it outside year round, just lubricate the hell out of it, coat the chain with grease... The finishing touch is the bungee cords which are rotting away on the basket use the smashed ones you find in the road.