Happened to drop by costco today and lo and behold, they do have 700c hybrid bicycle for $250. Shimano Acera (?) part 24 spd it looks like, no funky shock seat post. Actually looked decent and brakes seems to be adjusted properly looking at few they had. Geometry looked fine and to top it off, it did come in 4 sizes. S, M, L, XL (only had S and XL in warehouse I was at though). I think this probably fits all criteria you were looking for.