Have you considered any of the training aides that you see in the back of the tri magazines? I have no idea if they work and fortunately I have a pool within a mile of my house so I don't need to try them. Seems like your situation calls for some out of the box thinking. I suspect you wouldn't swim in that river too many times when it's high 50's to low 60's.
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Fredo, you're my older brother and I love you...but don't ever take sides, with anyone, against the family again...ever.