Thanks for the replies, everybody. I hadn't thought of the troll yet, good call! Still kind of bummed that it only rolls on 26's though.
As far as the big companies go, I have spent lots of time looking through everybody's websites, and they just don't make a bike like this. Trust me, those are the first places I've looked. I also have a close relationship with my LBS and have talked to them about it, I was just trying to see if there were any smaller companies you guys might know about that we don't here in the corn belt. (like Civia - thanks for that Mr. Wills! That's a cool bike)