For serious. I have to race at 8am tomorrow and I don't normally poop till 9 or later. Any tips?
I wish I were an afternoon pooper
Honestly, A pre race "Victory Sh*t" is key to a good race result. All of the pro's know this. In his day, Indurain was the master of this technique. It was rumored that the giant could easily take a 7lb growler and even had to have his own porta can because teammates refused to go in afterwords - even if the door had been open for a while.
In my opinion, the answer to your challenge is mostly mental. If you focus on the physical aspects too much you could end up blowing an O-Ring.
You need to read a book on sports psychology (maybe while you're trying to poop) and use those techniques to not beat yourself before you even give the chocolate hot dog it's first squeeze.
My $.02
-s