A few of these remind me of a story the late, great Lewis Grizzard told. Went something like:

There was a big tent revival going on and one night the preacher asked for a sinner to come to the front and confess all their sins to the Lord and the congregation and feel the power of Mercy and Foregiveness.

Old Lonnie Register, the town drunk and general reprobate came down the aisle and stood in front of the assembly and declared that he reckoned he was the biggest sinner in these parts and he wanted to tell it all.

"Oh, brother Register! Tell it all! Don't hold nothing back!" cried the preacher.

"Well, now. I'm a irresponsible drunk. I'd rather drink moonshine than do honest work to feed my children."

"Tell it! Tell it all, brother! Don't hold nothing back!"

"I play cards and roll dice and I'll cheat to win."

"Tell it, brother, tell it!"

"Instead of using my ill-gotten winnings to feed my hungry children I'll spend that money on loose, painted women to slake my carnal lust."

Tell it ALL! Tell it, brother! Tell it ALL!"

"And if I lose my money anyway and don't have any for them painted women I'll have sex with barnyard animals."


Total dead silence follows this.


Finally the preacher says " I don't think you should have told that."