The mere fact that you put this:

3.looks- this is the least of my worries, but I find the Ultegra group to be UUUUU-GLY and I don't think it will look as good on a titanium frame.

...says a lot about what you want...SRAM
...your reaction to the above pics say the same thing...SRAM

Oh, and SRAM makes medium cage Rival RD if you are going to use an 11-32 cassette.