I present the personalities of BikeForums.net! Most members fall into one or more of these categories. Feel free to add more if I forgot some!
1. Post Count Collectors -
These are the people who will post one or two word answers to threads just to ratchet up their post count. Some actually ride a bike as well, but most have more posts than mileage.
2. The Corrector -
The Corrector will jump into a thread and select a post at random, and then proceed to point out some flaw in the person's statement. It could be as simple as a grammar or spelling mistake, or it could have something to do with cycling. They will often back up their statement with knowledge from Wikipedia. If it is a mechanical or physics related topic, you can bet they have an English degree. Whether their reply is accurate or not is irrelevant as long as everyone recognizes that they are the most intelligent person on BikeForums.
3. The Doping Judge -
Whatever professional cyclist is in question, you can be sure they doped. It doesn't matter if there's proof or not, or if anyone even cares that they doped. The Doping Judge is immune from any attempts at logic and reason, as well as the slight chance that the cyclist may indeed have never doped. When summoned to jury duty, the verdict will ALWAYS be death.
4. The Sarcasm Dealer -
Sort of like a high schooler looking for a "that's what she said" opportunity, the Sarcasm Dealer will interject sarcasm into the conversation wherever it seems appropriate. Because sarcasm does not translate well on the internet, there is only a small chance the receiving party will actually understand the intent.
5. The Newbie -
They will usually begin their post with "I'm looking for a road bike that..." There is a 94% chance that BikesDirect will be mentioned. If they mention a website other than BikesDirect, there is a 99% chance the next post will contain the word "shill". The Newbie is often attacked by a Sarcasm Dealer. Newbies will frequently post a photo of an old bike and ask how much it is worth, and then are surprised when the amount quoted is under $30. When looking for a bike upgrade, they really want a carbon-fiber Trek but are afraid it will explode. (The Sarcasm Dealer changes the spelling to "asplode").
6. The Triathloner -
The Triathloner is superior to the other members of the forum because they do more sports than cycling. The fact that they have a $9,000 carbon bike with questionably positioned aerobars is irrelevant, as they can fly along the local MUP at 15 mph and run 10 minute miles.
7. The Oldtimer -
Oldtimers prefer downtube shifters and steel bicycles. Titanium is permissible on occasion. Carbon is completely unacceptable as bicycle weight does not matter. They deride professionals for switching bikes during a race, and miss the old days when they rode in a blizzard uphill both ways.
8. The Traffic Cop -
Whenever an accident thread appears, the clock begins ticking until a Traffic Cop gives a stern lecture to the OP on how it was either his fault or should have been. The Traffic Cop is superior to the other members of the forum because he never runs stop signs or lights and always follows the speed limit. The Traffic Cop is related to the The Helmet Cop.
9. The Fitters -
Any thread asking for positioning advice on a bike is immediately dealt a short "Get a professional fit" by The Fitter. While the majority of people actually realize this is indeed the best advice, the Fitter does not realize that the OP realizes this. The Fitter will also suggest visiting a doctor for medical advice and will insist that 0.2 mm of seat height is a matter of life and death. Orthotics are highly recommended for all shoes, special tape is required for handlebars, and saddle preference is entirely personal.
10. The Superstitious -
The Superstitious will purchase a $2,000 wheelset or frame based on popular consensus. Wind tunnels do not represent "real life" and actual studies constitute nonsense and a waste of time. Oversized tubes are a marketing gimmick, and the most extreme Superstitious believe carbon to be a new gimmick despite being around since the 80's. Continental GP4000s are automatically the best tires, and if you disagree, all members should proceed to ignore you. The Superstitious is certain they could ascertain the difference between high-end shifters, frames, wheels, and valve caps in a double-blind test.
11. Serious Guy -
Serious Guy is easily offended and can't understand why every reply is so mean. The Sarcasm Dealer often afflicts permanent emotional damage onto Serious Guy without even realizing it. Serious Guy may only make a few posts before disappearing from the forums forever, or he may eventually realize what's going on and turn into a Sarcasm Dealer himself.
12. The Helper -
The rarest type of member on the forum, The Helper will frequently offer advice to anyone that solicits it. Most members consider themselves a Helper, but this is a self-delusion. Helpers frequently have theoretical expertise and years of experience in the area they are providing advice in, but are often shot down by Correctors.
13. Popcorn Dude -
Whenever a thread begins to get heated, Popcorn Dude will reply with a post containing a single emoticon:
***
14. "Andy" from Competitive Cyclist -
This person starts xx new threads a week, lauding all the virtues of certain new tech products using a kind of language remarkably similar to the product's advertising copy, abuses emoticons/memes, sometimes makes sexually explicit references in regards to inanimate objects, and impulse buys the desired product with much fanfare at the end of the thread. (Personally, I like Andy so don't take offense if you're reading this!)
15. The Annoying Know-it-all two-monther -
Me.
16. The Guy Who Likes Pie -
(I don't know what this is???)
17. The Mercurial Newb -
More money than sense/ability. Intense poster, with a half life of ~1-2months. Initially seeks advice. Aggressively ignores advice and buys high end bike. Has trouble operating shifters, gets pissy. End game = post in the for sale forum.
The average member on BikeForums is a Cat-1 experienced racer that pulls in over $300,000 a year. Their profession is frequently that of a doctor, lawyer, or rocket scientist. Their average age is about 25, and their average IQ is 162. Their typical solo ride speed is about 27 mph.
99% of BikeForums members prefer Dos Equis. The remaining 1% ride a single-speed bike and prefer PBR.
(I personally fall into numbers 5, 11, and
of course 12.)