So, those of us who ride tandem with our spouses are just never going to make it, I guess.

Actually, asking what is a cyclist is one of the most divisive questions asked in the cycling community. Some folks want to call all the folks who don't ride like they do "people on bikes" and some folks don't want any requirement beyond being on a bike (or bike-like object). While I tend to consider anyone on a human-powered machine to be a cyclist while they are on that machine (Don't tell me you're a cyclist when I'm trying to restrain myself from striking you with my foot after you just hit me with your car!), I admit that I don't really take people seriously as cyclists until they have at least 100,000 miles in the saddle. I guess that's because I have seen so many people come and go from cycling over the years that I assume almost all newbies are just on a lark and will disappear within a couple of years. I hope to be proven wrong on this (and often am).