Annoyed looking at more road type bikes, because I simply cannot wrap my head around the tire width measurements.

If a 26x1.0 tire is definitively too dang narrow and a hazard to ride on a given surface, and a 26x1.5" tire is perfectly fine, and a 26x1.25 is probably still too narrow, what size of 700x?? tire do I need to have a safe ride for a clyde over pavement so bad that it's a huge relief to hit cracked and worn chipseal?