I'm too slow to get KOM on anything that anyone else actually rides

I went out on a local MUP and tried to put in a good time, even "sprinted" the last 200 meters or so. Result? 45th/73. Ouch. I'm just going to assume most of those ahead of me were in pacelines or had tailwinds.
But I make segments that nobody else ever rides just so I can have some KOMs and try to top my last ride every time on those.