I masturbate at least 3 times a day

I have only worn a condom one time during intercourse

I love eating painkillers for my bad back

I smoke too many cigarettes but I roll my own so it's cheap ($1 a day habit)

I love Asian women but lately I've only been screwing around with white girls

I will probably die of liver failure or an STD or both

...but I'm in pretty good shape and ride every day