Two things stood out from your post when I read it this morning.
1.) Sorry for yourself eating
2.) Channeling embarrassment
I’ve been thinking about this all day. Why do we turn to food for emotional comfort? In my extended family all activities center around eating. We celebrate birthdays, holidays and visiting relatives with eating together. We also share our grief with a meal together. I don’t eat the foods that my family eats. (Too fatty, toosugary) If I bring what I now eat, I’m some sort of health food nut. Just today, my overweight, 30 year old fertilizer salesman (I’m a farmer) wanted to take me out to lunch. I refused. I know he just wanted to express his appreciation for my business but why is sharing a meal the accepted method?
I also need to find ways to channel this behavior, I’m still looking.