That doesn't seem to bad to me either. Broken chains happen, broken cables aren't real common but they still need replaced every few months. HRM's are electronic so they could go bad any time. The zipper, sounds like an oopsie to me.
So far you are getting off cheap. Broken derailleurs, tacoed wheels, cracked frames, those are the expensive ones.
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I may be fat but I'm slow enough to make up for it.